


THE WALKING DEAD: Yesterday`s Tapestries

by D_J_Marlowe



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Child Abuse, Flashbacks, Hilltop Colony, Homophobic Slurs, M/M, Racist Slurs, all out war, saviors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2018-12-24 15:22:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 63,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12015576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/D_J_Marlowe/pseuds/D_J_Marlowe
Summary: This is NOT a sequel to my first work 'TWD: A Winter`s Tale', which is a stand alone story. This is a re-imagining of the Daryl/Jesus relationship. With that said...What forms our present lives is often our past. Our past can haunt us or inspire us, depending on the circumstances.  I have gleaned what inspiration I could from what is known about the past of the characters of Daryl Dixon and Paul 'Jesus' Rovia from the TV series and hopefully have woven their past, written as flashbacks, into a story that takes place in the present. A lot of it is made up, especially for the character of Jesus, since so little is known about him. How are Daryl and Jesus able to find love in a world gone crazier than what they have already experienced? But beauty can be found and perhaps made everything worth the struggles of what is left behind.The violence is no different than what is presented on the TV series. There is explicit content, though not as explicit as what occurred in my first story. Since some of the flashback scenes dwell in the teenage and childhood years of the characters, there is child abuse. There is also one scene that depicts rape; since it is only one scene I have chose not to use the archive warnings, but have expressed it here.Flashback sequences are presented in italics, the present story line is in regular type. Instead of traditional chapters, I have divided the story into two sections: One titled 'Daryl', the other 'Paul'. Each section is divided into two parts. Flashbacks are notated by years.





	THE WALKING DEAD: Yesterday`s Tapestries

**Author's Note:**

> This is NOT a sequel to my first work 'TWD: A Winter`s Tale', which is a stand alone story. This is a re-imagining of the Daryl/Jesus relationship. With that said... 
> 
> What forms our present lives is often our past. Our past can haunt us or inspire us, depending on the circumstances. I have gleaned what inspiration I could from what is known about the past of the characters of Daryl Dixon and Paul 'Jesus' Rovia from the TV series and hopefully have woven their past, written as flashbacks, into a story that takes place in the present. A lot of it is made up, especially for the character of Jesus, since so little is known about him. How are Daryl and Jesus able to find love in a world gone crazier than what they have already experienced? But beauty can be found and perhaps made everything worth the struggles of what is left behind.
> 
> The violence is no different than what is presented on the TV series. There is explicit content, though not as explicit as what occurred in my first story. Since some of the flashback scenes dwell in the teenage and childhood years of the characters, there is child abuse. There is also one scene that depicts rape; since it is only one scene I have chose not to use the archive warnings, but have expressed it here.
> 
> Flashback sequences are presented in italics, the present story line is in regular type. Instead of traditional chapters, I have divided the story into two sections: One titled 'Daryl', the other 'Paul'. Each section is divided into two parts. Flashbacks are notated by years.

**The Present**

 

       The thunder rolled and echoed endlessly making it difficult to hear any other noises with the exception of the night insects and other nocturnal animals, including large predators. The density of the overgrown foliage made it difficult to track anything. Every once in a while they could hear the howling of a wolf. A bat flew into Daryl Dixon`s face momentarily breaking his concentration. It then brushed against Michonne`s arm and flew around Jesus`s head before disappearing into the trees. Daryl was in the lead with Rick, Michonne, and Jesus behind him. They were near a group of abandoned concrete buildings that may have once been a factory of some kind. Earlier in the day they had followed a group of Saviors, most likely making camp for the night, the best time to ambush them. They couldn`t use their flashlights due to the fact that it might give them away, so navigating in the dark was their only option. Their only illumination was when the lightning flashed, and the dense forest tended to create odd shadows at strange angles so that Daryl found it difficult to track. There was the sound of footsteps on concrete somewhere to their left, then the squeaking and opening of a door. Briefly the sound of rattling chains, then silence.

       "Are we tracking Saviors or ghosts?" Jesus whispered to Michonne causing her to quietly snicker.

      When the lightning flashed, Rick was able to signal to Daryl by pointing to his left. They could hear low voices talking, but because the buildings looked more like a maze, it was difficult to gauge their location. They managed to get closer to one of the buildings. Lightning flashed and they were able to see through a dusty window. That was when the walker unexpectedly appeared, causing Michonne to jump. It clawed and growled at them from the other side of the window.

      The walker could attract other walkers so everyone became more alert. A nocturnal animal made the sound of a scream causing everyone to look behind them. Michonne tapped Rick on the shoulder indicating she had spotted a dim flickering light reflecting from another window which was the Saviors` campfire. It was time to be even stealthier so when lightning flashed they were able to spot a narrow passage between the two buildings. It would be advantageous in helping them keep under cover, but disadvantageous if they ran into walkers or a Savior. They could hear the steady dripping of water coming from above them. Without warning there was a crash from inside one of the buildings as part of the roof collapsed.

       "What was that?" they heard one of the Saviors ask.

       "Something collapsed. These buildings are pretty old," another voice answered.

       Daryl stopped short when they reached the end of the passage. He could only see where the small encampment was. There were several Saviors sitting around the small fire passing around a canteen of water. A few of the others were standing guard. Michonne felt Jesus tap her on the shoulder and he motioned for her to follow him back out of the passage. Rick came up beside Daryl, his Colt Python at the ready. There was a take-no-prisoners policy so all of the Saviors were going to die. Daryl took the first shot as a bolt from his crossbow struck the nearest one in the head. Rick shot two with his gun. The other Saviors, assault rifles always at the ready, let out a barrage of bullets. Daryl and Rick had retreated back into the passage just in time as bullets bounced against the walls only inches away from them.

       "Come out, assholes!" a large burly Savior yelled. Several rounds of bullets struck the walls of the passage. What he didn`t see was Michonne and Jesus coming up behind him and before he could shoot again, a knife had be stuck into his head. Michonne got another two with her katana. Jesus easily shot the others with his rifle.

       "I thought you were still with us in the passage," Rick said coming out into the open.

       "The ole sneak attack from behind," Jesus said grinning.

       Rick looked around. "I don`t like any of this night-time fighting." The thunder seemed louder and they could hear and feel sprinkles, the beginning of the anticipated downpour. "Better get back to the van. At least it`s not far."

       "Not so fast." They whirled around at the sound of the voice. A Savior had been hiding in the building, the source of the footsteps they had heard earlier. She now held her assault rifle on all of them. "Put your weapons down! Now!"

       Rick nodded and everyone disarmed themselves and held up their hands.

       "Take it--."

       "Shut up!" the Savior yelled not allowing Rick to finish.

       There were footsteps coming from behind her and they thought there were more Saviors in the building. That was when the walker came up and bit her. Everyone picked their weapons back up. Daryl had already reloaded his crossbow and took the walker down with ease. Michonne sliced her sword through the female Savior`s neck. Daryl retrieved his bolts and that was when they were surprised by the Saviors that had been hiding in the woods

       The one that jumped on Rick had tackled him to the ground and after a long struggle he managed to throw him off. He aimed his Colt Python and shot the Savior dead. Another one approached him and he aimed the gun at him. "Don`t," Rick said.

       "You gonna shoot me?"

       Rick`s answer was another shot from the Python. He looked over at Michonne who was having a one-on-one with another female Savior. Her katana was on the ground behind her, having been knocked out of her hands when the woman had jumped her. They grasped each other and rolled on the ground, wrestling, until Michonne was able to grab her sword and with the handle knock the woman off of her. Before the woman could recover, her head had been sliced off with one quick stroke.

       Both of them watched in awe as Jesus took on three of the Saviors all at once using his martial arts skills. He seemed to almost fly in the air as he knocked down one then another. Rick got a good shot in for one of them. He was distracted by the sound of a clatter and looked over at Daryl. His crossbow had been knocked off of him and he was in hand-to-hand combat with a man much larger the he was.

       Jesus managed to knock out the other two Saviors and was quickly by Rick`s side, just as Michonne already was. Jesus unslung his rifle, feeling a sense of protection if Daryl could not shake off his adversary. All three watched in horror as the large Savior took out a knife and with force stabbed Daryl in the side. Daryl was taken completely off-guard as the man twisted the knife around making certain he would injure Daryl in the worst possible way. When he thought he had done enough damage he withdrew the knife. Jesus raised his rifle and shot the Savior in the head. Daryl staggered for a moment placing his hand over the injured area. His hand and side were all covered in blood. A look of surprise mixed with pain was on his face. Panting, he slumped to the ground on his knees before collapsing in a heap. All three rushed to Daryl`s side.

       "He`s bleeding a lot," Michonne said. "We need to get him treated now."

       "Who`s nearest?" Rick asked.

       "The Kingdom," Jesus said as he picked up the knife and quickly inspected it. In his mind he felt that Daryl might as well have been bitten by a great white shark from the inside out when he saw the edge of the blade. He then slung Daryl`s crossbow over his shoulder.

       "Let`s move," Rick said and the three of them picked up Daryl and ran for the van. The rain was now coming down hard and drenching them with its heavy downpour.

                                                                       *****

       "Don`t cough. You`ll bleed even more," Jesus said softly.

       But Daryl couldn`t help it. He could feel the blood getting into his throat and chest.

       Jesus pressed down even harder. He looked up at Rick. "How far are we from The Kingdom?" he asked.

      "Not far," Rick replied.

      Jesus helped to make Daryl as comfortable as possible. "We`ll get you to the surgeon. Don`t worry."

      "What happened to the rest of the Saviors?" Daryl asked, his voice barely audible, as Michonne wiped the blood from cuts and lacerations on his face.

      "We got most of them. The others ran off," she said. "Sshh now. Don`t talk."

      "I don`t think any vital organs were hit, but this bleeding won`t stop," Jesus said as he threw aside another bloodied rag. "Lie as still as possible."

      Rick slammed his foot down harder, in his mind pushing the engine to go as fast as it could go.

      Daryl closed his eyes. He could feel his energy draining as if his life was leaving him. He opened his eyes, his vision going in and out of focus, and saw Jesus bending over him, a look of concern on his face. Daryl reached up his hand towards him...but his mind refused to complete what he wanted to feel.

      Jesus grabbed the upraised hand and squeezed it. "Hang on, Daryl."

      The voice echoed in his mind as he closed his eyes again. It had always been said that the dying saw their lives played out before them.

 

**DARYL**

_**Part 1** _

 

_**1984** _

_Even though it was a small movie theater there were enough people in the small town of Jasper, Georgia to keep it running. It was old, having been in existence since the 1920`s, its heyday long past mostly during WWII through the mid-1970`s. But it was getting run down, the murals of Robert E. Lee hoisting up a Confederate flag and women in antebellum glory beginning to fade. Some of the old light fixtures didn`t work or light bulbs were no longer replaced. Most movies were shown on weekends and holidays, unless it was a real blockbuster. The matinee showing on a late May Saturday afternoon of **'Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom'** was mostly for preteens and young teenagers; kids 10 to 14 years old being the predominant age group in attendance. Two 13-year-old boys now sat in the front row of the balcony sharing a large bag of popcorn._

_"So Merle`s gonna come back here after her gets out, huh?" Lonnie Miles asked as he tossed a handful of popcorn on top of a couple giggling girls sitting below them, causing them to scream and give the boys dirty looks._

_"He`s still gonna use and sell. Stupid," Daryl Dixon said. He threw some more popcorn on the two girls. The anger at his brother was something that never seemed to go away. Daryl was now mostly alone with his father, Will Dixon. He had gotten on a bicycle he had found on the side of the road a couple years back and rode into town as fast as possible because he knew he had a beating coming for him as soon as he returned home. Merle was eleven years older than him and mostly absent over the years due to his drug use and doing time in juvenile hall until he was eighteen and had joined the army, a career quickly ended when Merle hurled an iron-fisted punch at an officer._

_Daryl was basically facing the rabid wolf with just his wits and trying to be smart and hiding from it at the same time. Right now going to the movies in town was always a good escape on Saturday afternoons. Lonnie was his best friend, knowing each other for only four years and sharing some classes in school together. School was just out and the calendar still said spring, summer was just beginning._

_"Wanna go skinny dipping at the pond after the movie? I think Cal will be there. And Mingus."_

_"Sure." The coming summer was going to be hot and Daryl loved to go to the pond with his friends. Anything in order not to go home. If he could find a place to stay for the rest of the weekend he could avoid it altogether. The theater darkened and the countdown for the previews on the screen began to flicker. They both threw another barrage of popcorn on the gigglers below before reclining back in the old squeaky seats._

_*****_

_Daryl had been hyped up after seeing the movie feeling like he would be an Indiana Jones fan for the rest of his life. The fact that there was a rope swing at the pond reminded him of when his favorite movie character swung on one to get away from natives blowing poisonous darts. That`s where he was now as he swung and splashed into the pond where three other boys, all naked, were swimming and splashing about. Their bicycles were parked nearby with their clothes draped over them. Daryl landed near his friend Mingus almost knocking him over. Mingus caught him and they laughed and splashed about spitting out the mossy tasting water._

_"I wonder how many fish poop in here every day," Mingus said._

_"I wonder how much fish poop we`ve swallowed," Daryl said._

_Mingus laughed. "I wonder how many times we`ve pooped in here."_

_"I wonder how much of our poop we`ve eaten," Lonnie said. "Hey, Cal! Catch!" He threw a clod of wet mud at the other boy._

_"Fuck you, asshole," Cal yelled back. "Ow! I think a crayfish just nibbled on my big toe."_

_"Come on. Let`s go by the waterfall," Mingus said to Daryl and they swam across the pond to where a small stream of cool water fell into the pond causing ripples and splashing against the rock and low hanging trees. They stood up on the shallow bottom, the water coming up to their knees. Mingus put his hand underneath the tumbling water. "So cool and clean. You like it?"_

_Daryl nodded. "All we need is some soap."_

_Mingus laughed. "Wouldn`t that be funny." He noticed something odd on Daryl`s back. "Hey, what are those markings?"_

_Daryl looked down not wanting to say anything, but Mingus was always someone he could talk to. "My father beat me with a whip the other day."_

_"They look like they hurt."_

_Daryl nodded. He wanted to cry, but fought back his tears. "I can handle it. No big deal."_

_Mingus knew how brutal Daryl`s father could be, especially in the last few years when he had started drinking more heavily. "I`m sorry, Daryl."_

_Daryl could always rely on Mingus to be sympathetic to his situation. For a moment their eyes met and lingered before turning away._

 

**The Present**

 

       "I should have been paying more attention to that Savior when he pulled that knife on you," Rick said. His foot went down harder on the accelerator. The Kingdom seemed a million miles away.

       "He`s passed out," Jesus said. "If we can get him to the surgeon in time he might make it." His hand gripped Daryl`s harder. He noticed Michonne staring at him. "Something wrong?"

       "No." She wiped Daryl`s brow again.

       Jesus realized he had been holding Daryl`s hand and let go. "I need more rags. The bleeding has slowed down some." He went to the back of the van where a box of medical supplies was located. Since his back was towards Michonne he could relax and let the feelings he felt inside flow for a moment. He wiped away a tear, his heart aching. He rummaged through the box until he found a stack of clean rags and went back over to Daryl and pressed on the wound again.

       Rick could see the buildings of The Kingdom in the distance and gunned the engine even harder. If he was still a sheriff he would have to give himself a ticket. The thought would have made him laugh if the life of his best friend was not in peril.

       Daryl stirred back into consciousness. He looked at Michonne, then at Jesus. "Where are we?"

      "We`re almost there," Rick said. "Stay with us, Daryl."

 

_**1986** _

 

_"I know you can," Mingus said as he and Daryl sat on the fence on the farm that belonged to Mingus`s parents. They watched as the newly acquired bull ran around and snorted, ready to spoil for a fight. "You`re a fast runner."_

_"Just like in Spain, right?"_

_"Right." Mingus laughed. "This should be fun." He jumped down and went around to the other side of the pen to watch the spectacle._

_Daryl sat on the fence licking his lips waiting for the bull to get to the far side of the pen. As soon as it did he leaped off the fence and at a dead run ran across the pen. The bull immediately noticed the intruder and was hot on Daryl`s heels until he reached the other side of the pen and leaped up on the fence, one of the horns catching the bottom of his trousers. The seam ripped but Daryl was safe. He checked his leg and didn`t see a scratch._

_"That fucker`s fast," Daryl said grinning._

_"What the hell are you up to, little brother?"  Merle Dixon had been getting temporary work as a farm hand for a few weeks. He had just been kicked out of the military, court-martialed, and ended his prison term the week before. Merle now carried a couple tires over his well-muscled arms and shoulders._

_"Racin` the bull," Daryl said. He didn`t add that Mingus had dared him to do it._

_"Shit. Stay out of trouble. You`re a damn worthless 15-year old, you know that?"_

_"Probably,"  Daryl smirked. Since it was Merle`s job, he had no intention of helping him out. He flashed a grin at Mingus. Merle shook his head and mumbled as he continued on his way. Mingus returned the grin and they went behind the barn to smoke some cigarettes._

_"Merle know you smoke?" Mingus asked as he struck a match and lit both of their cigarettes._

_"Nope. He keeps tellin` me not until I`m eighteen, but he ain`t my boss." Daryl preferred to hang out with his brother as opposed to hanging out with his father, but he resented being told what to do just the same. He had been independent for most of his life up to that point and that was something he was determined to have never change._

_Mingus`s expression became solemn. "My dad tells me I have to get a job after school`s out next week."_

_"Why don`t you just quit like I did." Daryl was glad to be away from all the teasing and curious questions from classmates concerning the deep scars that were on his back and front torso._

_"Mom and Dad would both kill me." His eyes met Daryl`s. "How are things at home?"_

_"Horrible as usual."_

_"Does Merle know what your father does to you?"_

_"No. He ain`t ever gonna know, either." Daryl coughed slightly at the cigarette. He had only recently started smoking and was still getting used to it._

_"Why?"_

_Daryl shrugged. "Just don`t wanna tell him." He tossed aside the cigarette and stamped it out._

_Mingus put his arms around his shoulders. "I won`t ever tell him if you don`t want me to." At that point Daryl started to cry and buried his face on his friend`s chest. Mingus gently stroked his back. He could feel the deeper welts beneath the shirt. "It`s alright, Daryl." He rocked his friend in his arms._

_"How come I feel this way whenever I`m with you?" Daryl asked. "I just don`t understand."_

_"Feel how?" Mingus asked. He was now stroking Daryl`s hair._

_"Like I always wanna be with you. Don`t wanna talk to nobody else or be with nobody else." He arms went around Mingus and they just held each other._

_"Maybe it don`t matter, Daryl. I feel the same way about you."_

_"Is there somethin` wrong with us?" Daryl looked directly in Mingus`s eyes again._

_"If there is, why should we care? We can always hide, Daryl. Others have." He paused. "Can I kiss you?"_

_Daryl was somewhat taken aback by the question but for some reason he wasn`t offended. He nodded. Mingus smiled and then leaned towards Daryl. As soon as their lips touched both of them could feel certain emotions surging inside each of them._

_"I liked that," Mingus said when they parted. "Did you?"_

_Daryl nodded. "Let`s do it again."_

_They both leaned into the kiss and let their arms and hands explore a little bit more._

_"What the holy fuckin` hell is goin` on here?"_

_They both immediately parted at the sound of Merle`s voice. Merle jerked Daryl back away from Mingus and threw him on the ground. He raised his fist towards Mingus, but he took off at a run. Merle then turned to his brother who was sprawled on the ground._

_"Merle--."_

_"Shut-up, little brother. I`m tryin` to process here what I just saw. Are you a goddamn little faggot?"_

_Daryl was silent uncertain how to answer Merle`s question. He had enjoyed the kiss he and Mingus shared he had no doubt about that. Ever since he had laid eyes on him four years ago when Mingus`s family had moved to the farm he had felt an attraction even though he didn`t understand it. His throat was tight and he could feel his voice leave him. "I don`t know."_

 

**The Present**

 

 "He`s lost a lot of blood," Rick said to the surgeon as they wheeled Daryl on a gurney to the small hospital/clinic building of The Kingdom. Carol and King Ezekiel were not far behind them.

       "Do you know his blood type?" the surgeon asked.

       "When we were at the prison and Hershel was looking for blood donors I think he told me it was B-positive," Carol said.

       "I shall immediately put out the world," King Ezekiel said and left.

       "Carol, go find my nurses and tell them to prepare for emergency surgery. There may not be much time," the surgeon said as they entered the building and wheeled the gurney into a small room full of medical equipment. "Help me get his shirt off." She nodded to Jesus who lifted the bloody rag from the wound. "You did good keeping the pressure on the wound."

       "I saw it all happen. He was fighting with one of the group of Saviors we ran into when we were in the woods. The knife went in pretty deep," Jesus said.

       "We got here as fast as we could," Rick said. "Do you think he`ll make it?"

       "There`s always that slim chance," the surgeon said. "I`ll get to work on him right away."

       "He`s a fighter this one," Michonne said. She turned to Rick. "Let`s wait outside and give her some room."

       As they slipped out the door two women and a man who were nurses came into the room.

       The surgeon looked at Jesus. "We`ll take good care of him. I promise." She couldn`t help notice the slight expression of anguish on Jesus`s face. "Something you need to tell me?"

       Jesus shook his head. "No. I`ll get out of your way." He left the room closing the door behind him. Michonne was sitting, Rick standing beside her his hand massaging her shoulders as she quietly wept. "He`s not going to die."

       "I hope you`re right," Rick said. "King Ezekiel told me she`s a damn good surgeon."

       At that moment Carol entered the building followed by four residents of The Kingdom. She knocked on the door and peered inside. "I have four blood donors with me."

       "Good. Get them set up," the surgeon said to one of the nurses.

       The nurse motioned to them. "This way."

       Jesus slowly made his way towards one of the bathrooms. It was then he noticed just how much blood was on his hands and had soaked into the sleeves of his coat. He took it off. At least it wasn`t his regular one. This one he could throw away. He never wanted to be reminded of what had taken place if Daryl didn`t make it. Throwing away the old coat would not ever ease his memory though. He was sensing a growing kinship with the gentle redneck, both having the same sense of fearlessness when it came to fighting the dead or the living. He also felt something deeper, but thought it best to keep it to himself. He turned at the sound of the door opening and Rick entered.

       Rick splashed some water on his face. He looked at his reflection in the mirror then looked at Jesus`s in the other mirror. "He will make it. We have to believe that."

       "I believe it," Jesus said wanting so much to do just that. "For Daryl`s sake we have to."

       Rick nodded. "And ours as well."

 

_**1986** _

 

_"Follow me," Mingus said to Daryl and motioned him towards the barn. "I want to show you something really cool. My brother Matt just bought it. Mom won`t let him keep it in the house."_

_They approached a small room in the back of the barn that had a padlock on the door. Mingus produced a key and they went inside. It was where all the hunting rifles and other weapons were stored. Mingus took down a crossbow that was on a hook on the far wall._

_"That it?" Daryl asked. He had loved crossbows ever since he saw pictures of ones in a book about medieval weapons._

_Mingus nodded. "Ever try one?"  
_

_Daryl shook his head. Mingus handed it to him. He had seen it demonstrated by some of the other hunters but they had never allowed him to touch it. He doubted he would be allowed to touch it now if Mingus`s brother was with them. "Wish I had one of my own." Daryl peered through the sight._

_"Maybe someday, huh?" He watched as Daryl held it and stroked it, almost seeming to be a part of him, something so perfectly natural for him to use. "You have a bow and arrow don`t you?"_

_"Yeah. Merle lets me us his guns." Daryl snorted. "He said he needs to make a man out of me."_

_"Gee, I wonder why. He still sore about what he saw a few weeks ago?" Since that time the two of them had three other kissing and make-out sessions and were growing closer and more intimate each time. Daryl still sported the traces of a hickey on his neck. Mingus had two more of the distinguishing marks on his._

_"Don`t care if he is or not."  Daryl handed the crossbow back to Mingus who put it back on the hook._

_"Come on. I know a place where we can go and no one will find us."_

_"The hayloft again, right?"_

_"Nope. Remember that pile of old tree limbs out in the pasture? The place we called The Clubhouse?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"I`ve got food, blankets, and all kinds of shit for camping out when I want to get out of the house. I can lay out there naked if I want and nobody would know."_

_Daryl laughed. "What are we waitin` for?"_

_After a small hike they found the old pile of tree limbs that had been hollowed out years before. It was no longer used by small boys who wanted to hide from adults, but Mingus now used it as his private place. He and Daryl crawled inside, checked for snakes and other vermin then sat down. An old mattress had somehow been hauled inside and sitting on it they both lit up cigarettes and smoked in silence. Mingus noticed Daryl wince slightly._

_"Oh shit. Where`d he hit you now?"_

_Daryl lifted up his shirt and showed him a long red welt on his lower back. "He was really drunk last night."_

_"Have you ever thought of running away from home?" Mingus removed his own shirt and wiped the sweat on his chest with it._

_"Lots of times. No place to go."_

_"Would he miss you if you stayed here tonight?"_

_"I doubt it." Daryl laid down closing his eyes as the welt stung with the sudden pressure touching it._

_Mingus picked up a thermos and opened it. "This is water from our well. Some of the best there is." He poured some of the water on a small flour sack towel. "Roll over."_

_Daryl did so. "What ya gonna do?"_

_"Just wash it. Don`t want it to get infected." He lifted Daryl`s shirt and gently bathed it. The water felt cool and soothing. Mingus washed it in silence for a couple minutes feeling Daryl beginning to relax. He set the thermos and towel aside. "Better?"_

_"Yeah. Thanks." Daryl rolled over on his back and finished his cigarette. He watched as Mingus lit a lantern. The dim firelight flickered across their faces. In that moment he wanted Mingus close to him, the memories of their make-out sessions burning through him with an almost uncontrollable desire._

_"I found some magazines a couple weeks ago," Mingus said. He reached over and picked up a shoebox, opened it, and took out about four tattered magazines. "You know Bobby Mims?"_

_"Yeah. He was killed in that car crash right?"_

_Mingus nodded. "Matt took me along when they were goin` through his stuff. I found these magazines. All the pictures are of men havin` sex. I heard rumors that Bobby was a queer, but never really knew for sure."  
_

_"Your brother see these?" Daryl asked his curiosity piqued._

_"No. I took `em before anybody noticed. The pictures show how two men, you know, do it."_

_Daryl opened one of them. The picture showed two men, one on top of the other, naked and kissing. One held their two cocks together seeming to rub them together. He had never seen anything like it before. He realized he was becoming aroused just by looking at the photo. He reached down and rubbed his groin through his jeans. "That`s somethin` ain`t it."_

_Mingus noticed Daryl rubbing the front of his pants. "Yeah. Maybe we should try it. If we are queer, Daryl, no one else needs to know. Not even Merle."_

_Daryl snorted. "Merle`s already made up his mind." He set the magazine aside. Mingus straddled him and they were soon kissing and necking, both of their hips moving back and forth, the rubbing causing both of them to be aroused. Mingus unzipped his pants and pulled them down. He then helped Daryl with his._

_"I guess this is the part where we lose our virginity," Mingus said laughing. As soon as his cock touched Daryl`s they both breathed deeply, Daryl arching his back, the pleasure almost overwhelming them._

_Daryl had never felt anything so good in his life. He had masturbated on occasion and that had felt good, but doing it with someone else was a whole new sensation for him, especially someone else`s cock rubbing against his. Both did what came naturally and climaxed almost at the same time. Mingus collapsed on top of Daryl and laughed._

_"I`ve never felt like this lookin` at girls," Mingus said. "You?"_

_"No. All I wanna do is dump popcorn on top of them. I hate all that stupid gigglin` shit."_

_"We can come here to get away from it all. Hide."_

_"What about your job?"_

_"Don`t work in the evenin` or on weekends. We can look at these magazines and learn all kinds of things."_

_"All about how men do it." Daryl leaned over and they open-mouthed kissed, realizing it was too late to turn away from their true feelings for each other._

 

**The Present**

 

       "I can`t go back now," Rick said to Michonne and Jesus. "I want to stay here until he`s out of the woods." In his mind Rick could not believe that it was Daryl that had been taken down. He remembered how helpless he felt when Daryl had been imprisoned in the Sanctuary. Of course, he had come back to his senses, but seeing Daryl free and having him by his side had been a great comfort to him.

       "They`ll need us back at Alexandria," Michonne said reaching up and squeezing his hand.

       "I`ll stay with him," Jesus said. "Someone needs to get a message to Maggie."

       King Ezekiel strolled up to them. "Daryl is out of surgery. There was internal damage as well as some internal bleeding. The surgeon says with a lot of rest he should make a full recovery."

       All three sighed with relief.

       "May we see him?" Michonne asked.

       "The anesthetic has not yet worn off. I have had rooms prepared for you to stay the night," King Ezekiel said.

       "Michonne and I need to return to Alexandria," Rick said. "Just in case those Saviors double back. We`ll stop at Hilltop on the way." He looked at Jesus. "Are you sure you`re okay to stay with him?"

       "I`m sure. I don`t want him to think he`s been left behind." Jesus could not resist the pull to stay by Daryl`s side. He knew he had feelings for him, just how deep he wasn`t sure.

      "Thank you," Rick said, the gratitude in his eyes. "We`ll be back when we can get away." Jesus nodded.

      "Let`s go see Daryl," Michonne said.

      King Ezekiel led them to the room where Daryl lay bandaged, an IV and blood bag attached to his arm, an oxygen tube and small stitches and bandages across his face. His eyes were closed and his breathing was strong and steady. Michonne leaned down and stroked his hair.

       "Daryl? Can you hear me? It`s Michonne."

       Daryl opened his eyes and stared at her. His mind felt numb and foggy. "Hey, Michonne," he barely whispered.

       "Are you in pain?" Rick asked leaning over her shoulder.

       "No."

       "We gave him some heavy pain killers," the nurse attending him said.

       "We have to go back to Alexandria," Rick said. "Jesus said he`ll stay here if you need anything."

       "Why?"

       "I don`t now," Rick said shrugging. "I guess because he wants to."

       Daryl closed his eyes. "Tell him to go find a tree and stay there."

 

_**1987** _

 

_"Mingus can find a heap of trash to sit on," Merle said to Daryl. "Better yet if it`s burning in Hell."_

_"What if I told you we`re in love." Daryl had dreaded facing Merle since his brother caught them kissing, making out, and exchanging blow jobs at the lake the week before, but he was bound and determined to defend the incident no matter what Merle thought._

_"Sweet sixteen and in love. Give me a fuckin` break, little brother. Or maybe I should start calling you Darylina. A poof-assed fairy boy. For Christ`s sake." Merle pointed at the target. "Now try it again and don`t miss it this time."_

_Daryl raised the crossbow that had been borrowed from Mingus`s brother. He let the bolt fly and this time it hit the edge of the target. "If I had my own I could practice all the time."_

_Merle patted him on the back. "Maybe someday. I have to go into town."_

_"Why can`t I go with you?"_

_"Somebody needs to keep an eye on the old man. That ain`t me." He put on a pair of sunglasses and straddled a motorcycle and was soon down the dusty road that led from the isolated moonshine shack that belonged to Will Dixon. Daryl was ready to shoot some more bolts at the target when there was a slam from the screen door._

_Will Dixon was a big man, his once muscular frame now mostly fatty tissue, but he still out-sized his youngest son. Daryl set the crossbow aside._

_"Merle tells me he caught you getting it on with another boy. What the hell is that all about?" He grabbed Daryl hard and hauled him inside. Daryl knew better than to fight back. His father slapped him hard and shoved him onto the floor. "Little piece of faggot shit." He lifted Daryl and shoved him into a closet and locked the door. "I left Merle`s titty magazines in there. You take that flashlight and make good use of it."_

_Daryl sat there huddled on the floor his face soon wet with tears. He didn`t feel sixteen, but six, trying to hide behind his mother as his father chased him through the house, a leather belt in his hand. Since his mother died when he was nine, he had no mother to hide behind anymore. He asked himself the same question he had asked then. What had he done that was so bad? He never felt bad when he was with Mingus. If it was something else he would promise never to do it again. His mother could never help him and would always shove him away from her. Daryl would run again, his father hot on his heels. He would be crying and screaming and when his father caught up to him he would bend him over, pull down his pants, and give him the hardest most painful spanking. He couldn`t sit down for days and the teacher at school would yell at him for fidgeting in his seat or not sitting down. The other kids would make fun of him and he would have to go to the principal`s office. He didn`t say why, he never could say why. Daryl just learned to endure._

_He noticed the stack of 'Penthouse' magazines scattered on the floor. He picked up one and opened it to the centerfold. The totally nude woman with her legs spread out and her cunt wet held no interest for him whatsoever. Why didn`t Merle keep his mouth shut? Daryl cried about that, too, his realization that he was probably queer. He knew he was in love with Mingus. No girl held his interest. Maybe it was teenage infatuation, but he couldn`t deny his feelings. When he and Mingus had sex for the first time nothing had felt so good or so natural. He closed his eyes and smiled as he thought about their times in the tangle of tree limbs. The memories of those times would have to carry him through this ordeal._

_There was a loud banging on the door as if someone was hitting it with a baseball bat. "You lookin` at the naked girls, little shit fairy boy?" Will Dixon shouted from the other side. Daryl did not reply. "Answer me, dammit!"_

_"Yes," Daryl replied as he curled up in a ball. He started to cry again. He heard the click of the lock and the door opened._

_Will Dixon stared down at him a jug of moonshine in one hand. "You got the devil in you, boy. You got the sin." He grabbed Daryl hard and dragged him across the floor and down a hallway to his room at the end. Inside was a woman more undressed than dressed, her hair all wild and frizzy complemented by colorful make-up. She was chewing a piece of gum. "Good luck, Candy." Will slammed the door shut._

_The woman called Candy smiled at Daryl. She popped her gum and moved closer to him. "You`re a little young for what I`m used to." She put her arms around him then one of her legs. "But you`re old enough to get the job done." Daryl shoved her aside. She was one of the prostitutes his father often brought to the house. "Oh now, come on."_

_"Stay the hell away from me. Just stay away." Daryl could feel his stomach starting to turn._

 

**The Present**

 

       "It won`t be so bad. Once we get the stitches out," the surgeon said to Daryl the next day. "Which won`t be for a while yet. Your face will heal up long before the stab wound I`m afraid."

       If there was anything Daryl hated was staying somewhere and resting. He tried to sit up but felt a hand gently push him back down. He looked up and noticed Jesus was the one who did it. "Get your hand off me," he said gruffly. Even though he was weak he still had the ferocity of spirit.

       "I was only helping the doctor," Jesus said unfazed by his attitude. Daryl only glared at him.

       "I`ll check on you later tonight," the surgeon said and left.

       "Want me to adjust your pillows?" Jesus asked, trying not to be annoying.

       "I`m gonna take one of these pillows and shove it up your ass," Daryl said.

       "My-my, we are grouchy today," Jesus said with amusement. Since he had once worked as an orderly in a hospital he knew how ill-tempered some people could get when they didn`t feel well. Mostly it was from those who had a fiercely independent spirit and Daryl Dixon definitely qualified in that category.

       "Shut-up."

       "Hello, knock-knock," a pleasant voice said from the doorway. Carol stood there holding a bouquet of flowers.

       Jesus sat down in the chair beside he bed. "Careful, he`s been bitten by the grouch bug."

       Carol laughed. "Oh, we all know that`s nothing new, don`t we, Pookie?"

      Daryl just growled at her.

      "See?" Jesus said.

      Carol looked around the room as if searching for something.

      "What the hell is wrong now?" Daryl asked.

      "For a moment I thought Shiva was in the room with us." She tossed the flowers on the bed. "Something to brighten your day."

      Daryl just emitted one of his usual dismissive hisses.

      "Maybe I can track down a vase," Jesus said and got up. Daryl`s eyes followed him all the way out.

      Carol sat down in the vacated chair. "We all had quite a scare yesterday."

      "I`ve been stabbed before."

      "Not as deep and in such a vulnerable place. You almost bled to death."

      "Well, I didn`t. Got any smokes?"

      Carol dug into her pocket and tossed him a pack with about six cigarettes still in it, then some matches. "Are you sure you`re allowed to smoke?"

      "Why does anyone give a shit anymore?" He lit up then motioned with his finger for her to lean closer. "Why the hell is Jesus here?"

      "I don`t know. I guess he`s staying behind to help out. He`s not doing any harm by being here. I don`t understand what your problem is with him."

      Daryl turned his face away from her. "You wouldn`t understand."

      Carol sighed as she adjusted the blankets around him. "There`s a lot of things I don`t understand about you, Daryl. Then there are a lot of things I do."

 

_**1987** _

 

_"I don`t get it, Daryl," Merle said as they sat on the porch. He had just returned from a two-week stint in jail. Their father had passed out from his latest alcohol binge. "He brought Candy here especially for you and all you did was talk?"_

_"Why the hell do you care? You don`t even live here no more." Daryl was disgusted that Merle was trying to interfere with his life. Was it going to be this way all the time?_

_"And you know why I don`t." Merle paused. "Why don`t you come with me for a while?"_

_"So I can help you sell drugs? No thanks." Daryl took a long draw from his cigarette._

_"I ain`t askin` you to sell them." Daryl shook his head. "Oh, I get it now, damned if you do, damned if you don`t."_

_"That`s right. I ain`t gonna be in prison all the time like you are."_

_"Ain`t you sweet. Probably what anyone should expect from someone named Darylina." Merle leaned the back of the chair against the side of the house._

_"Why don`t you shut your goddamn piehole for once."_

_Merle reached over and slapped him hard across the face. "Who`s teachin` you to stand up for yourself? It sure ain`t Will Dixon in there, passed out in his own piss and upchuck."_

_Daryl got up and stood in front of Merle. "Don`t you ever hit me again, asshole." He let a punch fly right into Merle`s face, knocking his older brother onto the porch floor._

_Merle laid there sprawled flat on his back and began to laugh. "Looks like baby brother`s got some spirit in him after all." He slowly sat up and tapped the side of his cheek. "Come on. Try that again. If you wanna impress me, ya gotta make me bleed. Come on now. Prove to me you ain`t a pussy."_

_Daryl paced back and forth for a moment glancing at his fist then at his brother. He ran over to him ready to punch when Merle grabbed him and slammed him into the wall. Merle then stood up._

_"Why don`t you just leave?" Daryl asked._

_"That, little brother, was your first lesson."_

_*****_

_"Let Merle think what he wants," Mingus said to Daryl as they lay on a blanket on top of the mattress, naked and stroking each other`s cocks. The tangle of tree limbs was now their go-to love nest. They had just finished another round of sex and would exchange warm wet kisses every so often._

_"He even talked the old man into bringin` one of his floozies into my room. We talked about movies we liked." Daryl emitted a short laugh. He put two cigarettes in his mouth, lit them both up, and handed one to Mingus."Shit, she was ugly."_

_They both burst into fits of laughter._

_"Maybe we should make out right in front of Merle."_

_"He`d run away like a little girl," Daryl snickered. "Wah, the faggots scared me." They both laughed even harder._

_Mingus buried his face in Daryl`s shoulder. "We have to try and not hate what we are, Daryl."_

_"No matter how many call us perverts?"_

_"I know. We`ll be the ones harder to convince than anybody out there." Mingus paused. "I think Matt knows."  
_

_"He say anythin`?"_

_"No. Just kind of looked at me and nodded. I also think he knows it`s you. He won`t tell anyone. Matt`s that way." They removed the cigarettes from their mouths and kissed long and deep, the taste of nicotine in their mouths turning them on even more. "Damn, I feel so slutty."_

_Daryl laughed. "We need some moonshine. Coupla shit-faced drunk sluts."_

_"That could be fun." Mingus kissed down the front of Daryl`s chest until he reached his cock, then played with it with the tip of his tongue. "Mm, I can still taste the cum."_

_Daryl sighed at how good it felt. Mingus started to work his cock again, stroking and licking, getting Daryl aroused. "You gonna blow me?"_

_"Just like in the magazines," Mingus said, sighing. His other hand masturbated his own cock as he worked Daryl`s with enthusiasm. Daryl just laid there absorbing the experience for what it was, enjoying every stroke and lick. He never doubted in that instant that he was in love with Mingus, wanting to be with him for the rest of his life._

 

**The Present**

 

       "You have to be prepared for any move," Rick said to King Ezekiel as they walked down the center of The Kingdom. People moved about the streets doing their daily activities.

       "What happened to the rest of that small group of Saviors that attacked you in the woods? You said you didn`t get them all," King Ezekiel said worriedly.

       "They must have ran off and hid somewhere. If they made their way back to Negan, they`ll report where they found us. They may even think Daryl is dead." The two men entered the hospital building. They saw Jesus carrying a tray of food to take in to Daryl.

       "He`s eating solid food now," Jesus said.

       "Something to put a smile on my face for once," Rick said. They followed him in. Daryl was sitting up in the bed with only an IV in his arm. They watched as Jesus placed the tray of food on the small table in front of Daryl.

       "You make a lousy waiter, ain`t gettin` a tip," Daryl said to him.

       "Oh, thank you. I was waiting so anxiously for your insult of the day," Jesus said. He casually sat down in the easy chair chuckling to himself. He loved teasing Daryl just to get a rise out of him. For some odd reason, he knew that Daryl really liked the attention.

       "It pleases me to see you doing so well," King Ezekiel said.

       "Your doctor`s real good," Daryl said practically inhaling the food.

       "Yet I perceive in you something that has not healed, Daryl. If we can be of any help, please let us know." King Ezekiel had grown fond of Daryl, especially from talks with Carol, and watching him in action against Negan. The fact that Shiva took to him also helped. His heart went out to him knowing all the suffering he had endured from the hands of the Saviors.

       "I`m fine," Daryl said looking away, as if that had been his most rehearsed line in his life.

       "I shall leave you to your guests." King Ezekiel sensed that Daryl didn`t want to talk in front of others. He bowed and left.

       Rick came over and they clasped hands. "Michonne sends her love."

       "She ain`t with you?"

       "No. I had to leave someone to oversee the retrofitting of some more vehicles." He looked at Jesus. "A couple of them are for Hilltop."

       "Maggie will be pleased about that. We`re running low on that type of defense right now," Jesus said. He didn`t like to be away from Hilltop for such an extended period of time in case the Saviors staged a surprise attack, but he felt that it was a greater need to be by Daryl`s side.

       Daryl winced slightly in pain as he took a couple bites. Since he had been stabbed on the left it was still difficult to move any limb on that side. "I just wish to hell I could get back in the fray."

       "Not if I have any say," Rick said. "In fact, Maggie suggested you come to Hilltop and heal up. It`s isolated and quiet, less likely to be attacked by any Saviors. She and Enid are eager to help you."

       Daryl shrugged. "Yeah, I guess so. I can do a lot of huntin`."

       "No hunting, either," Rick said.

       When Jesus heard Rick mention about going to Hilltop, his eyes lit up. "I think that`s a great idea."

       "So all I do is lay around and do nothin` all day. Great."

       "I`m sure I can find something to keep your mind off things. You said you liked to read," Jesus said. "I have plenty of books. Play cards. You can insult me all day."

       Daryl threw up his arms in the air. "I don`t get a say?"

       Rick looked at him with a harsh expression of authority. "Not this time around."

 

_**1988** _

 

_"I don`t think I`ll be able to make it," Mingus said as he and Daryl walked down the town`s main street. Each of them wanted to put their arms around each other so much, but they dared not show their true affection for each other in an atmosphere of a very judgmental and bigoted public._

_"You`ll be missin` out on a lot."_

_"I know. I`d like nothin` better than a picnic on the lake. Then we`d sneak off into the bushes again and rub our dicks together until we cream each other. Throw in some ass fuckin` and blow," Mingus said leaning over and whispering in Daryl`s ear. There was a quick light playful bite on Daryl`s earlobe._

_"Stop. I`ll get a boner right here on the street," Daryl whispered back. Even in public they had managed to sneak in small signs of affection._

_"There`s an alley over there. We can pretend we`re whores."_

_Daryl bent over laughing. "Are you sure you can`t get off work?"_

_"I`m sure. Ty and Larry have it in for me anyway. I don`t show up or I`m late, they`ll take it to the boss. I can`t afford to get fired right now." They stopped and looked at the display of handguns in a pawn shop window. "Come over tonight. I have a surprise for you."_

_"What kind of surprise?"_

_"If I told you it wouldn`t be a surprise. It`ll make up for not makin` the lake trip on Saturday."_

_Daryl sighed. "Alright. My old man should be passed out by four-thirty."_

_"See you at five then." Mingus skipped off down the street blowing a kiss at Daryl._

_*****_

_Daryl was waiting in the tree limb hideout when Mingus showed up. He was carrying a good sized box. "Help me with this thing will you?"_

_Daryl got up and grabbed the box and set it aside. Mingus crawled in the rest of the way. The first thing they did was throw their arms around each other and kiss. "I wanted to do that so bad when we were in town," Daryl said._

_"Me too." He hugged Daryl tight. "I love you, Daryl." He was surprised when Daryl started to cry. "Hey, what`s that all about?"_

_"No one`s ever told me that before." He buried his face on Mingus`s shoulder._

_"I guess I`m the only one who`s ever seen this side of you, huh? I saw you help old Mrs. Miller when she dropped her groceries on the street the other day." Mingus knew how sensitive and sweet Daryl could be when the mood struck him. Whenever they were together, he encouraged that side of Daryl to express itself more._

_"When my mother burned to death, she gave me a place to stay." He wiped away his tears. "The old man was on a bender."_

_"I worry about you. Sometimes I wonder if your old man is gonna wind up killin` you. Does he still beat on you?"_

_"Yeah, but not as hard."_

_"You`re getting older and bigger, Daryl. I see some muscle on those shoulders and your arms. Turns me on." Mingus grinned._

_"Mostly Merle`s fault. He keeps teachin` me how to fight. All he cares about are floozies and drugs and shit like that. Usin` and sellin`." Daryl didn`t want to talk about Merle or anything going on at home. "What`s this surprise you got for me?"_

_"I know that you never get anythin` for Christmas or your birthday. Since the metal factory pays pretty good, even for a beginner`s job like mine, I wanted to get somethin` special just for you." He shoved the large box towards Daryl. "Open it."_

_Daryl stared at it for a moment wondering what could be so big. When he had lifted it to bring it inside, it felt heavy. He slowly opened it and when he saw what was inside, his eyes lit up. "Mingus. Why?"_

_"Because I wanted to. You`re my special person in my life."_

_Daryl slowly lifted out the crossbow and inspected it. He ran his hand along the shaft then held it up in the shooting position. "Got good balance." He looked at Mingus. "Must have cost you a fortune."_

_"My money to spend. You like it?"_

_"Yeah." Daryl did a couple practice gestures with it._

_"Now you don`t have to borrow Matt`s anymore. He said you`re gettin` really good at it, even doin` some huntin`." Mingus knew how pleased Daryl was and that pleased him._

_"I`ll practice every day." He set it aside. "Thanks."_

_"Now that that`s over with." Mingus scooted over beside him and put his arms around him. The first thing he noticed was how strong Daryl felt. They kissed feeling the longing inside of them grow even deeper. "I want to be with you forever, Daryl. Do you think that could ever be possible?"_

_"I don`t know. I hate havin` to hide all the time."_

_"I know. I hear the cruel jokes, too. Ty and Larry? I think they know. About me, but I don`t think about you." He stroked Daryl`s cheek, feeling the touch of soft whiskers._

_"I`ll be eighteen in a few weeks. Then we can decide for ourselves what we want to do." Daryl reached over and pulled Mingus`s face towards him. Their lips met again. Daryl lowered Mingus onto the mattress and they both undid their pants and slid them down. Whenever their cocks touched they both sighed in anticipation._

_Mingus placed his lips next to Daryl`s ear and whispered. "Never forget that I love you, Daryl."_

 

**The Present**

 

"Forever, Daryl, that`s a long time," Jesus said a bit sarcastically as he pushed him in a wheelchair down the central street of The Kingdom. Carol waved to them from a small garden she had been planting. "He thinks it`s taking forever to heal."

       "Well, in Daryl Dixon time I`m sure that`s fairly accurate. I hear tomorrow you leave for Hilltop." She wiped her hands on a rag.

       "I don`t know why everybody`s makin` such a big deal out of it," Daryl said.

       "Nobody`s making a big deal out of it," Carol said. "It`s quieter there than here or Alexandria, that`s all."

       Daryl doubled over slightly, still feeling pain even though he had been given strong painkillers.

       "I think that`s enough for today," Jesus said. "You`re still bleeding a little around the stitches."

       Carol accompanied them back to the hospital building and to his room, helping him to get back into the bed. Jesus did most of the lifting and their faces came close together for a brief moment.

       "That`s better," Daryl said. Their gazes locked for an instant before Daryl turned away. "Hurts, too."

       Carol felt his forehead. "Daryl, you have a slight fever."

       "I`ll go get the doctor," Jesus said and left.

       "Why do you think Hilltop is better for me?" Daryl asked.

       "I think you feel like you fit in better." She reached over and squeezed his hands. "Just take it easy while you`re there, Pookie. You deserve it."

       Moments later the doctor and a nurse entered. Jesus was right behind them. After examining him, especially the stitches, the doctor looked worried. "You have a slight infection around the stitches. I was worried this might happen. We do have antibiotics so I`m putting you on a regimen of them for about a week."

       "Am I still goin` to Hilltop?" Daryl asked.

       "This shouldn`t affect that." The doctor sighed. "If only we had a real hospital this wouldn`t be a problem." She turned to the nurse. "Let`s get him started right away." She then looked at Daryl. "It`s not a major infection. We`re just going to keep it from turning into one."

       Daryl only nodded and sighed. He looked at Carol then at Jesus, who handed him a glass of water. They could see him visibly slump at the disappointment that his recovery was going to be complicated and long.

                                                                        *****

       Rick had come to The Kingdom with the best car in Alexandria, one that had not been retrofitted for the war with the Saviors, so Daryl would have a smooth ride to Hilltop. Maggie and Enid greeted them at the gate, Enid holding a bouquet of flowers. After getting him comfortable in the spare room of Barrington House, Daryl felt he was able to relax and rest. Even though it was a short trip, it seemed to take a lot out of him.

       "The doctor said we`re to concentrate on getting his energy back," Jesus said to Maggie and Rick in the hallway.

       "I`ll stop by in a couple days and see how he`s doing," Rick said.

       "We`ll take good care of him. That`s a promise," Maggie said.

       In the room Enid adjusted the pillows and blankets to his liking. "I hope you can have cinnamon rolls."

       "Doc said I can eat anythin` I want. She got after me more for smokin`." He watched as Jesus came in with a vase and placed the flowers that Enid had picked in it, then set it beside his bed.

       Enid laughed. "We won`t say a word." She opened a couple windows. A fresh warm breeze billowed the curtains. After she had left, he slumped back in the pillows feeling as if all of his energy was being drained from him little by little.

       "I shoulda been payin` more attention to that knife. I was stupid to let my guard down like that," Daryl said.

       "Rick, Michonne, and I watched the entire fight. You did not let your guard down. None of us noticed he even had a knife until he stabbed you with it," Jesus said.

       "I thought I was strong. He got the best of me which ain`t good enough no more."

       Jesus sat in the chair beside the bed. "Don`t say that, Daryl. Everyone has a setback now and then. We can`t all be in top form all of the time. We`re only human." Daryl didn`t say anything. "You`re not feeling very well right now. This is no time to analyze things that we can do nothing about."

       "Maybe." Daryl closed his eyes. "I just want to sleep right now."

       Jesus reached over and adjusted the sheet. "I`ll look and see what I can do to get you cooled off. You`re doing an awful lot of sweating with that fever and this hot weather." He sat with Daryl until he was asleep before leaving the room.

 

_**1987** _

 

_"I hope this one is okay," Daryl overheard his father say to Lonnie`s father as they prepared to set up a still in one of the back sheds. He now sat on the porch preparing to spend the day at the lake with Lonnie and Cal. They would probably do some swimming, but mostly he wanted to hunt with his new crossbow; practice shooting at smaller targets such as squirrels and rabbits. Every day he had honed his skill with the weapon and every day he got better and better. Now that he had one of his own he could spend more time out in the woods away from home. Inside the house the phone rang. His father was too busy and probably hadn`t heard it so Daryl got up to answer it._

_"Yeah, Dixon residence."_

_"Daryl?"  
_

_"Yeah."_

_"It`s Matt." Why would Mingus`s brother be calling him? "I`m afraid I got some bad news." At those words Daryl could feel his heart sink. "Mingus is dead."_

_"What?" He could feel his lower lip starting to tremble._

_"He was killed in an accident at work. One of the machines. He got into a fight with a couple co-workers and they shoved him into it. They`re in custody right now."_

_"It was Ty and Larry, right?" The tears would not stop flowing._

_"Yeah. I`m sorry Daryl." Matt paused. "I know what was going on between you two. He was happy and that`s all I cared about."_

_Daryl clutched the phone close to him then slammed it down. He collapsed on the sofa and buried his face in his hands._

_*****_

_At the funeral Daryl didn`t speak to anybody. Neither did he at the graveside services. Matt was the only person who came over to him and put his arm around him in a light hug. When the mourners had left he remained at the grave just staring at the cold stone and newly overturned earth. He held a single red rose in his hand, crouched down, and ran his fingers over the letters._

_"I`m sorry I forgot to tell you that I loved you, Mingus," he said through his tears. He gently laid the rose next to the stone and stood up. Clouds were starting to gather as the scent of distant rain wafted throughout the cemetery. He slowly walked out of the graveyard not wanting to pay attention to the noises of the people or the traffic. It was two worlds, the peaceful dark silence of the grave and the noisy cacophony of daily life. He heard 'Paint It Black' by The Rolling Stones playing on a car radio that had pulled up next to the curb._

_"Hey, you need a lift to town?"_

_Daryl looked up and saw Merle sitting inside his pickup and leaning across the seat from the driver`s side. His brother was looking at him with an expression of sympathy, the last thing Daryl ever expected. "Nah, I wanna walk."_

_Merle nodded. "I`m takin` the old man to the clinic later today."_

_"So he can dry out? Good luck with that."_

_"No, somethin` else. He says he`s been sick, more than his usual sick." Merle realized Daryl wanted--needed to be alone. "I`ll let you know if they find anythin`."_

_Daryl nodded and continued on his way towards town as it started to lightly rain. The walk helped him gather his thoughts as he remembered the good times--fun times he and Mingus had shared together. There was a part of him that knew the others, maybe even Matt, would forget about him as time went on. Daryl did not want to forget. Mingus had understood his sensitivity and pain in a way that no one else ever had. He had penetrated into his heart and soul in loving and caring ways and Daryl wanted to carry that with him for the rest of his life. He wanted to always keep the spirit of Mingus`s love and generosity no matter what happened in his life, no matter how bad it would ever get for him. As he walked by the downtown shops he didn`t glance at anything in any of the windows. There was one, however, that caught his attention. It was one word in giant red and black letters painted on the window in what could be best described as a Victorian font: **TATTOOS**. He remembered it was a shop he and Mingus often passed by, even joking about what kind of tattoos they would get if they ever had the inclination. He had some money saved up from doing odd jobs for Mrs. Miller. Even though they were expensive, what he had in mind wouldn`t cost all that much._

_When he opened the door a little bell rang. A burly bald man in a tank top, his arms and chest a myriad of artistic ink, looked up. "Yeah, what can I do for ya?" he asked in a friendly voice._

_"I`d like to get a tattoo," Daryl said somewhat awkwardly. "It ain`t anythin` fancy. Just a name."_

_"Sure. You over sixteen?"_

_"Seventeen. I got a driver`s license to prove it."_

_"Okay. Have a seat." He indicated for where Daryl could sit down. "I just need some paperwork and we can get started. You said you want a name?"_

_"Yeah, right here. On my right arm."_

_The tattoo artist handed him a small notebook."These are some lettering styles and colors. Got a special girl in you life, huh? If you break up--."_

_"Nothin` like that. A friend got killed--a boyfriend." Daryl felt he could be open with the man. How he knew he couldn`t quite figure out why was the case. He knew the reputation of the tattoo artist, in fact the parlor in general, tended to attract those that were somehow outside of society._

_"I see. I guess I can skip the lecture I usually give anyone your age then. I`m sorry about your boyfriend. He must have been real special."_

_"He was."_

_"By the way, my name is Frank." He extended his hand for Daryl to shake. Daryl immediately liked the man. He knew some people had made fun of Frank because of his tattoos and his business, but Daryl felt he was a good person._

_*****_

_"I know he was your good friend, but a tattoo?" Lonnie said to Daryl the next day._

_"You never really cared about him so what`s it to you?" Daryl angrily said as he lowered his arm after showing it to him._

_"You act like you were lovers or somethin`." Then it hit. Lonnie`s eyes grew wide. "You were lovers. So the rumors are true."_

_"What rumors?" Daryl was getting even angrier at Lonnie`s attitude._

_"That you`re a faggot. To think I used to swim naked around you." Lonnie took a few steps back._

_Daryl clenched and unclenched his fists. He never had felt any kind of attraction to Lonnie, except friendship, and now that was proving to no longer be true. "You don`t have nothin` worth lookin` at."_

_"Think so, huh? The chicks I`ve fucked didn`t think so." Lonnie spat on the ground in front of Daryl._

_"Yeah, all they did was laugh."_

_Lonnie plunged into Daryl and tackled him to the ground. The two wrestled until Daryl got the advantage and picked him up and shoved him against a tree. He slammed Lonnie`s head on the trunk and punched him square in the jaw._

_"Fuck you, Daryl," Lonnie said from his bloodied mouth._

_"Don`t ever come near me again." Daryl`s crossbow was nearby and he quickly slung it over his shoulder and disappeared into the woods._

_When he got back to the shack he noticed that the fire beneath the still was cold. It was something his father had the tendency to keep going day and night no matter the weather. When he stepped into the house Merle was sitting on the dirty torn sofa._

_"There ya are. I`ve been waitin` for ya."_

_Daryl set his crossbow down. "Somethin` wrong?"_

_"The old man. He`s got cancer. They give him about two months to live."_

 

**The Present**

   

       "She says that the old rusty jalopy has bit the dust," Jesus said to Daryl as he sat beside the bed in the upstairs bedroom of Barrington House. "She even wants to bury him under the big white oak tree."

       "Him? Maisie calls that car a 'him'?"

       "You know how mechanics are. Cars and trucks are people, too." Jesus unwrapped the cloth around the object he had brought with him. It was a rather long slim knife with a serrated edge of the kind he had never seen before.

       "What the hell? Where`d you get that?"

       "Off the Savior that stabbed you. Right after he did that I shot him in the head. This edge here?" He lightly ran his finger along the tip and sides. "The teeth are designed after the teeth of a great white shark. Custom made. The knife rips the tissue going in as well as ripping the tissue coming out, the way a shark rips into its prey." He handed Daryl the knife.

       "Holy shit, this is wicked. So this is what he stabbed me with."

       "That`s why you were bleeding so much." Jesus paused. "I was scared, Daryl. There was a moment I didn`t think you would make it. I kept putting more and more pressure on, but the blood would not stop coming." He grew silent as he closed his eyes.

       "Hey. I`m alright," Daryl said quietly. He handed the knife back to Jesus.

       "I`m going to keep this in a safe place. From now on it won`t be used by anyone else, not even me." He wrapped it back up. "I brought it up here to show you because I thought you should know."

       There was a soft knock at the door and Enid came in. "Maggie said you were up here, Jesus. That guy, Mark--I think is his name? He was wondering if you wanted to get together tonight."

       Jesus appeared to get nervous. "Umm, Mark, okay."

       "You know, the one who`s always telling everyone he`s your boyfriend."

        Jesus`s eyes widened, a horrified feeling quickly coming over him. He glanced at Daryl, then at Enid. "He`s--umm--tell him--no. Tell him--just tell him no." Jesus could feel his heart beating fast.

       Enid bit her lip with uncertainty. "Did I just say something wrong?" Jesus didn`t reply. "See you later." She closed the door.

       Jesus glanced at Daryl who was merely staring at him. Jesus closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands. He quickly rewrapped the knife and without another word he simply left the room. Daryl adjusted his posture slightly to get more comfortable. He could feel his heart beating fast. He had a slight feeling that Jesus liked men, it was sort of an unspoken sixth sense that gay men had about each other. Daryl was no exception. There was now a slight smile on his face.

                                                                      *****

"You said what?" Maggie said to Enid in the kitchen.

       "I mentioned the word 'boyfriend'. I wasn`t thinking."

       Maggie was silent for a moment then she began to laugh. "Oh, Enid, what am I going to do with you?"

       "I don`t think it`s funny that I just outed Jesus in front of Daryl. What`s Daryl going to think?"

       Maggie continued to laugh. "He probably thinks nothing of it." There was a knowing look on her face that Enid couldn`t read.

       Enid was now more confused. "What`s that supposed to mean? I don`t understand what`s going on here."

       "Maybe it`s best you don`t for the time being." Maggie stirred the stew that was on the stove. She had told no one that she and Glenn had figured Daryl out when they were still at the prison, and had seen him admiring an outwardly gay man that had been taken in, and even seen them go off together into the prison only to re-emerge about twenty minutes later giving each other knowing looks.

       "You`re not making a whole lot of sense, Maggie."

       "I suppose I`m not. There are things that people aren`t supposed to understand until it`s ready to be understood. Why don`t you go see if Ms. Maitlin has that pie ready."

       Enid was somewhat annoyed at Maggie. "You`re sending me away aren`t you."

       "Yes. Now git."

 

_**1992** _

 

_"Let Daryl worry about Daryl," Merle said as he finished his coffee after eating breakfast at the cafe. "He can take care of hisself."_

_"But will he talk?" Joe-Bob, the man who sat across from Merle, was one of his drug contacts and they spoke in low whispers._

_"He don`t care one way or the other," Merle said._

_"Where is he? Didn`t he want any breakfast?"_

_Merle shrugged. "He`s sleepin` one off back at the hotel. Still a bit young, can`t take the hard stuff."_

_"Why does he drink so much?"_

_"I`m sure he has his reasons." Merle stood up and put the money for the tab on the counter. "See ya, tonight." He left the cafe and headed back to the hotel. The radio was on playing Iggy Pop`s 'The Passenger' and he heard the shower being turned off in the bathroom. Moments later Daryl came out drying his hair._

_"You`re back," he simply said._

_"You missed breakfast. Again." Merle tossed him a $20 bill on his bed. "Go get yourself somethin` to eat. Pack up. After we stop off at Joe-Bob`s we're takin` off."_

_"Where we goin`?"_

_"Up north for a while. Give ya a chance to use that crossbow. I`m gonna teach ya some things about how to survive, use some assault weapons. Can`t do that around people. Vince has a complete arsenal. Thinks doomsday is near." Merle laughed._

_"What time we leavin`?" Daryl hadn`t seen Vince, Merle`s old army buddy, in a long time. He had a daughter close to his age._

_"About six or seven. Why? Ya got plans?"  
_

_"Yeah." Daryl went back into the bathroom to finish getting dressed._

_"Huh," was all Merle said and shook his head._

_*****_

_The bell jingled and Daryl walked into the place he felt like was a home to him, even though he had only been there twice before._

_"Daryl, come on in." Frank, the proprietor of the tattoo parlor looked up and smiled. "How`s that snake I put on your leg look?"_

_Daryl pulled up his pant leg. "Looks great. You busy? I got an idea for another one."_

_"Not too busy. Where do you want it?"_

_Daryl held up his right arm and pointed to a spot under his upper arm. "That demon thing you drew the other day. Blank ink only. And a couple small ones in some special spots. And one on my chest."_

_"Your wish is my command."_

_"Can you do `em all today? Merle and I are leavin` town for a while."_

_"For you, Daryl, I can get them all done. Have a seat."_

_*****_

_"I`m looking to hire someone to help me out," Frank said as he slowly worked on Daryl`s upper arm tattoo. He had already finished the one on the left side of his chest. "Another artist."_

_"Business that good?"_

_"Yes, it is, for a small town like this. A lot more people come to see me than one would think." He wiped away the blood. "Let`s let this one set for a bit. Where do you want the little 'X' on your neck?"_

_"Right here. It was a favorite place for Mingus to kiss, sometimes give me a hickey."_

_Frank chuckled. "You still miss him a lot don`t you?"_

_Daryl nodded. "I ain`t ever gonna be loved like that again. Last night I got drunk and me and this guy went in back of the bar and had it out. It was just sex. I didn`t feel that love I wanted to feel."_

_"Love, real love, is hard to find, Daryl. You need to be careful these days."_

_"I know. Maybe there`s a part of me that don`t care no more." He pointed to his right wrist. "That`s where I want the small heart." Frank drew on the small heart in silence. "And the star here." He indicated on his right hand near the area of the bottom of his thumb._

_"Keep this up you`ll look like me one of these days," Frank laughed._

_"One of these days I`ll have enough money to do somethin` big."_

_"When you do decide maybe we can make some sort of payment arrangement." He finished with the star. "I think underneath that rough exterior is a good person. Will tried to drive it out of you. Merle has the capacity to do the same. Maybe your best protection will be to play his game."_

_"Play his game?" Daryl was confused by Frank`s meaning._

_"Pretend to be who he wants you to be. He`s involved with some pretty crazy people. All that time in prison can make a person mean. Let`s finish up."_

_Daryl raised his arm up again. "He already hates my tattoos. I guess I`m just used to it."_

_"You can learn to love and be loved, Daryl. I know you don`t believe me, but someday something will happen and your whole world will be turned around. It can be good, it can be bad. I can`t say which because I`m lousy at predictions." Frank continued to work in silence._

_*****_

_"That was your plan? Get all inked up some more?" Merle asked as they drove out into the country to Joe-Bob`s place._

_"What the hell it is to you?"_

_"Nothin`, just stupid that`s all. Then you got 'Mingus' showin` right where everyone can see it."_

_"They won`t know who he is. None of their damn business," Daryl said, his tone almost hostile as it always was when he was with Merle._

_"And last night at the bar. People were talkin`. They all know you`re a goddamn faggot. I may not beat the shit out of you like I want, but someone will. Mark my words."_

_"They don`t know nothin`, just guesses."_

_"They know. That`s why we`re leavin` town for a while. I`m gonna make a man out of you, little brother. Even if I have to kick your ass two hundred times over, I`m gonna make you tough. There will be no more Darylina if I can do somethin` about it." He turned the pickup into Joe-Bob`s driveway. Joe-Bob waved to them. Merle stopped the pickup but didn`t turn off the engine._

_Joe-Bob leaned into the window and handed Merle a wad of cash. "Your earnin`s."_

_"Thanks. You need anythin` from Vince?"_

_"Not his time around." He slapped the hood of the pickup a couple times. "See ya when I see ya."_

_Merle acknowledged with a wave and turned the pickup around. For some reason Daryl felt like he was heading into the abyss, wondering if he would ever get out again._

 

**_Part 2_ **

 

**The Present**

 

       "Good to see ya," Mark said as Jesus opened the door to his trailer. "You want to do something tonight? I enjoyed--."

       "I`m telling you now as I told you then. It was a one-night stand. Now, please leave me alone," Jesus said the determination in his voice.

       "But, Jesus--." The door was shut firmly. Mark sighed and walked away.

       Inside the trailer Jesus threw himself back down on his bed. He buried his face in the pillow and sobbed. He never had been outed before in his life. There was a soft knock on the door.

       "I told you I want to be alone, Mark," he shouted angrily.

       "It`s me. Enid."

       Jesus sat up and wiped at his eyes. They were red so he knew he wouldn`t be able to hide the fact from Enid. He got up and slowly opened the door. Enid stood there and smiled slightly. "I`m not seeing anyone right now."

       "Jesus, let me come in. Please. I want to apologize." The sorrow Enid felt was in her voice as well as her face.

      He hesitated for a moment then opened the door wider to admit her. He closed the door and she sat down on the sofa. She could tell he had been crying. "I really don`t want anyone to see me this way." He turned off one of the lights so he could hide in the shadows.

       "I won`t tell anyone," she almost whispered. "I don`t know what more to say. Only that I`m sorry. I wasn`t really thinking. I don`t go around outing people who are gay."

       "I know." His voice was low, almost inaudible.

       "You`re taking this really hard, Jesus. I wish I knew why." It distressed her to see him this way and knowing that it was mostly her fault.

       "It`s something you wouldn`t understand. It`s something I need to keep to myself." He picked up the pillow and held it close to his chest.

       Enid sat silent, lost as to what to say, wanting to comfort and reassure him. "I thought everyone knew."

       He shook his head. "Only a few. I`m surprised you know."

       "I hear a lot of things when people don`t think I`m listening." She grinned. "I was always good at eavesdropping as a child. Still am, I guess."

       Jesus smiled slightly. "That can be a good thing sometimes"

       Enid was silent again. Then she gasped as if a sudden revelation had come to her. Her eyes grew wide. "Oh my God. You have feelings for Daryl don`t you?"

       Jesus turned his face away from her. "Yes," he simply said.

       Enid nodded. "Now it all makes sense."

       "What makes sense?"    

       "Why you hang around him all the time and stare at him." Enid got up and sat down beside him. She placed her hand on his back. "You`re in love with him aren`t you?"

       "I don`t know. Maybe." His voice was strained as tears ran down his face. He knew as each day passed his feelings towards Daryl were getting stronger.

       "What I did was really shitty, shittier than I expected." Enid turned away from him. "Now I don`t know what to do."

       Jesus looked up at her. "What do you mean?"

       "To make up for it."

       "I don`t think there`s much you can do. I`m not angry with you. We all have a slip of the tongue, you know?" He wiped at his eyes feeling the sobs coming again.

       "Yeah." She paused. "Maybe it`ll blow over. Daryl seems pretty tolerant to me."

       "You think so?"

       Enid nodded. "I hope you decide to go visiting him again. He told me tonight when I delivered his food tray he likes your visits."

       "Daryl said that?" Jesus was starting to feel a little better.

       "He said you bring him good books to read, play cards. Talk about weapons and fighting. I know he gets bored being laid up for so long. He has to stay that way until the fever goes down and he heals some more. He told me you showed him the knife he was stabbed with. 'Wicked' I think is the word he used."

        Jesus set the pillow aside and picked up the knife wrapped in the cloth. He unwrapped it and showed it to her. "Wicked. That is a good word for it."

       Enid couldn`t believe what she was looking at. She had her own interest in knives, but she immediately didn`t like the one Jesus was showing her. "Reminds me of a shark."

       "It`s custom made to look just like that." He rewrapped it. "It burns me to think this was ripping Daryl apart from the inside out. But I got him, Enid. I shot the Savior that did it." He set the knife on the table beside the bed. "Thank you for coming. It does mean a lot."

       "I wanted to." She hugged him. "Things just might work out like you want them to."

       "I don`t know about that. Daryl is a tough nut to crack. I at least would like to be friends with him." 

       "I thought you already were." She stood up. "He sometimes looks at you kind of funny. Talk to you later." She left.

       Jesus sat there contemplating what she said about Daryl looking at him kind of funny and wondered what that could mean.

                                                                       *****

       Daryl was sleeping soundly when Jesus came into his room the next day. He carried some fresh flowers and a book with him that he thought Daryl might be interested in reading. The room was hot so Daryl didn`t wear the t-shirt. He put the fresh flowers in the vase, throwing out the old ones. Not wanting to disturb him, Jesus sat down in the chair next to the bed and just watched him sleep. He could see hints of the scars that were on Daryl`s torso, on the front and the back. The stitches and bandages on his face would be looked at and the bandage over the incision would be changed later that day when the doctor from The Kingdom would come and check on him. Even through the bandages he could see how pale Daryl still looked. Maggie peered into the room carrying a tray for Daryl`s breakfast.

       "I didn`t see you come in," she said quietly.

       "He`s still asleep."

       "I hate to wake him, but he has to take his antibiotic pill. The doctor was very specific about that." She set the tray down and leaned over Daryl. "Hey, wake up," she said softly. Maggie placed her hand on Daryl`s shoulder.

       He slowly opened his eyes. "Mornin` already?"

       "Yeah. I got your breakfast, some coffee, and your pill."

       Daryl sat up. Jesus quickly moved to adjust his pillows. Daryl was somewhat surprised. He didn`t show it, but he was pleased to see him. His and Jesus`s eyes locked for a moment.

       "I, uh, brought you a book I thought you might like," Jesus said awkwardly.

       "What`s it called?"

       " **'From a Buick 8'** by Stephen King." He handed Daryl the book.

       "I like Stephen King. He wrote some great spooky stuff."

       "If he`s still alive, he`s probably writing books about the walkers," Jesus said chuckling.

       Maggie placed her hand on Daryl`s forehead. "Fever still hasn`t gone down much. I`m glad the doctor is coming later this morning," she said as she prepared the blood pressure cuff.

 

**_1993_ **

 

_"Thanks," Merle said as he was handed the next assault weapon in the arsenal that belonged to his doomsday prepper army buddy Vince. Vince was about twelve years older than Merle, but they had become fast friends and Vince did not hold Merle`s dishonorable discharge against him. He and Daryl were at the target range learning how to use more of the weapons that had been recently acquired. After inspecting it he handed it to Daryl and nodded. "Give it a try, little brother."_

_"What is it?" Daryl was enjoying the shooting range more than he thought he would._

_"An AK-5. They`re made in Sweden," Vince said._

_Daryl looked through the sight at the target then shot off a round to get the feel of the weapon. He shot three more rounds and hit the bullseye._

_"Heh-heh-heh, what`d I tell ya, Vince, this baby brother of mine is a dead-eye demon, just like older brother Merle here," Merle said with obvious glee._

_Daryl handed the rifle to Vince. "Try this one out," Vince said and handed him an IWI Tavor._

_Just as he was as proficient with the other weapon, Daryl hit the target with this new one as well._

_"How many you got in your arsenal?" Daryl asked._

_"Enough. I`ve sort of lost count," Vince said laughing._

_"We`re startin` to lose the light. Better get back to the house," Merle said. They packed up the assortment of rifles they had been shooting and loaded them in the back of Vince`s jeep. Daryl jumped up in the back which was separated by a plastic window. They were soon on their way._

_"Why`s your brother so sad all the time?" Vince asked. "Don`t think I`ve ever seen him smile."_

_"He`s always been a bit mopey," Merle said. Merle knew part of the real reason, but it was not something open for discussion._

_"Maybe the party tonight will put him in a different mood. Bringing in some great hussies. Maybe that will brighten his day."_

_"I hope so," Merle said. He glanced back at Daryl whose back was towards him. "I don`t think he has much interest in sex. Not like me, uh-huh." He licked his lips and wiggled his eyebrows. "But there`s always that off-chance isn`t there?"_

_When they pulled up to the compound, there was another vehicle parked in front of Vince`s house. "That must be Jeannie and Bud," Vince said. "Did I tell you that I just became a grandpa a couple months ago?"_

_"About a hundred times," Merle said laughing. They went into the house. "Jeannie!" Merle yelled when he saw Vince`s daughter. "You and that rascal husband of yours both here?"_

_"Along with the rug-rat." They hugged. Jeannie was a slight woman with long strawberry blonde hair and green eyes. She looked behind Merle. "Daryl? Gawd, I haven`t seen you in ages. How ya been?"_

_"Okay," Daryl said as they hugged._

_"Come on, let`s break open a cold one before the party tonight," Vince said as he and Merle headed outside._

_"I didn`t expect to see you and your brother here," Jeannie said. "It`s a nice surprise. I just wish I knew Dad was going to have one of his parties tonight, I would have stayed away another day." She linked her arm with Daryl`s. Out of the two brothers she knew Daryl best. When they were children they were often playmates while the grown-ups did their thing and had remained good friends over the years. "So, tell me what`s been going on with you? Other than getting another tattoo."_

_Daryl laughed somewhat. "SOS. Same ole shit."_

_Jeannie immediately sensed his melancholy mood. She never knew the reason why he was so sad all the time, but knew that something had happened around the age of seventeen that had sent Daryl reeling into a strange moodiness that never seemed to leave him. From that time she knew he drank quite heavily as if wanting to chase something from his mind, but never could. Jeannie had her suspicions, but kept them to herself since she didn`t have any real proof._

_*****_

_Daryl sat alone in a corner nursing a bottle of Jack Daniels as he watched Vince`s party guests mingle with everyone. Some of them were women from a local illegal brothel that was located deep in the woods, just as Vince`s compound was. One woman, a red-head dressed provocatively in black leather and gold sequins, came over to him and sat on his lap. She put her arm around him._

_"Merle tells me you`ve been a bit lonesome lately." She leaned over and kissed him on the lips. Daryl quickly turned his face away. "Don`t be so hostile."_

_Daryl shoved her off his lap and got up. He took his bottle and went upstairs to the guest room he was staying in and sat on the bed and drank after lighting up a cigarette. There was a soft knock and the door opened. The woman came in and closed the door. She leaned against the back of it in a provocative manner._

_"Go away," Daryl said a bit gruffly. "I wanna be alone."_

_"I want to be alone with you. Merle said you needed some company." She licked her lips seductively and came over and sat next to him on the bed. He was about to take another drink from the bottle when she grabbed it and set it on the nightstand. He could feel her hands starting to explore his chest. "Oh what muscles you got there. Do you work out?"_

_"No." Daryl had mostly done a lot of heavy lifting of equipment and boxes stored in Vince`s bunker as well as the weapons in Vince`s arsenal. Daryl`s head swam from all the drinking and in his drunken state the touching and massaging felt good to him. Still there was a sense of repulsiveness, of not wanting her to be there._

_She slowly unbuttoned his shirt and kissed down his chest then went back up again and kissed his neck. Her other hand reached down into his pants and started to massage his dick. "Oh, that`s nice, too."_

_Daryl took her hand that was down his pants and removed it. "Don`t. Please." He was beginning to feel both aroused and repulsed at the same time._

_"Don`t you like sex, Daryl? Merle says I need to make a man out of you. Are you a virgin?"_

_Daryl turned his face away from her unsure how to answer her. "Did Merle tell you to come up here?"_

_"He said I was to show you a good time." Her hands explored his torso and shoulders, her body rubbing against his chest. She then turned his head towards her and kissed him. Slowly Daryl`s arms went around her, the touching arousing him even more. When his hands squeezed her breasts he quickly felt disgusted and moved his arms away from her. He again felt her reach down inside his pants and massage his cock. "I`m already wet," she hissed into his ear. "All you got to do is slide right in and let me do the rest."_

_Once aroused Daryl was not one to back off easily, even though he was averse to the person now working on him as she rubbed against him even faster. It didn`t feel the same as when he had been with Mingus or other men. There was the sound of his fly being unzipped. She was now straddling him and lowered him onto the bed. He felt the touch of something warm and wet rub against his cock, the touching and rubbing feeling good, but there was still something missing that he couldn`t quite figure out. She slid up and down his cock trying to move the tip of it to go inside her so she could ride him into a full erection. Daryl could feel himself getting more and more stimulated by the rubbing and felt himself slide deeper into her._

_"I can`t."_

_"Yes, you can. Just let me do all the work." She leaned over to kiss him but he pushed her away._

_"No more kissin`."_

_She looked at him a bit startled. "You seem to be enjoying it. Why not?"_

_Daryl shook his head. Even though he was in full sexual mode he was not enjoying the experience. She rode him deeper and he could feel himself getting harder. "I`m just not."_

_"Merle told me I was not to leave until we had sex. Give it a chance, huh?" She reached over and massaged his shoulders. Again he pushed her away._

_"Just get it over with," Daryl said. He could feel his stomach start to churn a little as his erection grew, his cock sliding in and out. 'I don`t want to--just--don`t--want to', his mind cried out._

_She noticed Mingus`s name tattooed on his right arm. It was then she understood why he wasn`t enjoying any of it. "You want me to stop?" Just as she finished asking that he ejaculated then shoved her off of him. "You like men, don`t you?" Daryl didn`t answer. His stomach started to turn even more. "Well, okay, I mean, I`m not the type that forces men into doing what they don`t want to do. I`m just doing what Merle said to do. I`ll tell him we did it." She climbed off of him._

_"Tell him whatever you want. Please go."_

_"Merle knew I could be a bit pushy. That`s why he sent me up here. Did you love him?"  She pointed to the tattoo. Daryl nodded. She looked around the room realizing she was no longer welcome. "At least it will keep Merle off your back. Is that alright?"_

_Daryl was now breathing heavily as he curled up slightly on the bed. "Just go!" She leaned over to kiss him on the cheek, but he pushed her away. Without another word she left, closing the door softly behind her._

_As soon as she was gone he curled up into a tight fetal position feeling like he wanted to die inside. Suddenly he felt even more nauseated and got up and hurried into the private bathroom throwing up mostly whiskey and some of the hors d`oeuvres he had eaten earlier. Maybe he was a sick pervert just like Merle said he was. He flushed the toilet and closed the lid, burying his face in his folded arms and shaking with sobs. He didn`t hear the soft knock on his bedroom door._

_Moments later Jeannie came into the bathroom. What she saw made her gasp. "Daryl?" He sat there on the floor with his pants still undone, his privates still hanging out. There were remnants of lipstick on his face. "I saw that floozy come up here. What happened?" Even though she could hazard a guess considering his state of mind and the fact that he was still messy. Jeannie went over to the sink and wet a washcloth of warm water, then handed it to him. "Here, get yourself cleaned up. I`ll be waiting in the other room."_

_Daryl took it from her. As soon as she was gone he got up. Moments later he came back into the bedroom, his clothes back in order, but Jeannie could tell he wasn`t. He was still a bit drunk, so she guided him over to the bed. "Here, you lie down. I`m going to get a cold compress." She went back into the bathroom and ran cold water this time. When she returned she found him on the bed lying in a fetal position. "Come on, Daryl. Talk to me."  Jeannie pressed the cold cloth against his forehead._

_Daryl uncurled himself slightly. "Merle sent her up here."_

_"I figured that. Did you have sex with her?"_

_Daryl nodded. "Not that I wanted to. She just kept rubbin`, got me all bothered and all. I couldn`t help myself."_

_Jeannie gently stroked his hair. "Her name is Mitzi. She`s always been a bit forceful at Dad`s parties."_

_"Merle thinks I need more women. I don`t want women, not in that way." He paused and looked away from her. "I like men." He glanced at her as she nodded in understanding. "Maybe I am sick."_

_"Don`t ever say that about yourself, Daryl. I`ve always suspected you preferred men. Never made any difference to me, you`re still my friend. Why don`t you try and get some sleep? You`re still a bit drunk. I`ll stay with you for a while."_

_Daryl didn`t say a word as he closed his eyes. Jeannie reached over and flipped the compress over and waited until he fell asleep. She gently kissed him on the cheek before she left the room. Downstairs the party was still in full swing. Jeannie eyed Merle with a steely glare as she descended the stairs. He had been laughing with one of the other prostitutes, but as soon as he saw her expression he suddenly frowned._

_"Something wrong, Jeannie?" he asked innocently._

_She went over to him and slapped his face as hard as she could. "You can call it what you want, Merle."_

_"I don`t know what  you`re talking about."_

_"There`s no such thing as a mild form of rape. Leave Daryl alone." Without another word she turned from him and went into another part of the house._

_"What she mean by that?" the prostitute slurred as she took a long swig from the bottle in her hand._

_"Probably nothin`. Just overreactin` to somethin`." He glanced in the direction Jeannie had gone then glanced upstairs. When the prostitute kissed him he shrugged off the incident and continued to enjoy the party._

_*****_

_Daryl waited until the cougar got closer before he raised his crossbow. It was almost on him before he let the bolt fly and it went directly into its head. He heard Merle practically run through the brush._

_"What the hell are you tryin` to do get yourself killed? You could have shot earlier!" he shouted angrily. Merle grabbed him and roughly turned him around. "What the hell is wrong with you lately?" He shoved Daryl aside and inspected the dead cougar. "Good pelt. At least that will get you some dough." Merle hoisted up the cougar and slung it over his shoulders. He pulled out the bolt and handed it to Daryl. "Come on."_

_After dropping off the body of the cougar for Vince`s people to take over skinning it Merle and Daryl went into the main house. Jeannie was sitting in the living room thumbing through a magazine. "The big game hunters are back," she laughed. Vince was smoking a cigarette by the fireplace. "A cougar. Congratulations, Daryl. I hope Merle lets you have all the money from it."_

_"Merle will," Merle said. After the party there had been a coldness between them._

_"We need to celebrate," Vince said, sensing the change in the atmosphere._

_"Jeannie, can`t you do something with junior here?" a man about Daryl`s age said coming out of the kitchen. He held a crying baby boy in his arms._

_"Oh here, give him to me," Jeannie said. She also took the bottle of formula from him._

_"Looks like you haven`t got the touch, Bud," Vince said giving a disappointed look at his son-in-law. "Help me fire up the grill, Merle. We`re having steaks tonight. You too, Bud." The three men left._

_Jeannie held the baby feeding it. "I guess they left us out again, huh, Daryl? Sometimes they act like we`re still kids don`t they?"_

_"What`s his name?" Daryl asked._

_"This is Denny."_

_"Jeannie, where`s them corn-on-the-cob I brought?" Bud called from the backdoor._

_"In the large fridge out back."_

_"Get `em for me, will ya? I got lighter fluid all over my pants."_

_She rolled her eyes. "Sometimes I wonder who the real baby is. You ever feed a baby before?"_

_"No."_

_"Well, there`s a first time for everything. Just hold him like this and the bottle like this." She handed the baby to Daryl and demonstrated. "Easy as pie." She watched as Denny eagerly fed. "He`s taken to you already. Normally he doesn`t like strangers."_

_"We`ll be okay," Daryl said. "You go on."_

_She smiled and left. Daryl was mesmerized as he watched baby Denny suck on the bottle, his wide blue eyes the reflection of pure innocence. "Yeah, that`s good huh?" Daryl said softly. The baby stopped sucking for a moment in order to catch his breath. He emitted a slight cry of delight then went back to the business of eating. Daryl smiled slightly and rocked him gently back and forth._

_"Well, ain`t you sweet," Merle said coming into the room. Daryl just glared at him. "Maybe we should tenderize your steak a little more than usual, Darylina. Cut it up in small pieces."_

_"Shut the hell up," Daryl said in a tone that was aggressive, but not so much to frighten Denny._

_"I think that`s the first rise I`ve gotten out of you since we got here. I`m gonna have to work on that more." Merle headed over to the fridge to retrieve the steaks and went back outside._

_Daryl sat down in a nearby chair and continued to watch Denny, his eyes riveted by the simple act of nourishing a two-month-old. "Someday you`re gonna kick ass. I can see that already," Daryl said. He hadn`t felt this wanted and needed by anyone in a long time._

_"They need me out there," Jeannie said coming into the room. "You alright with him?"_

_"We`re fine," Daryl said._

_"He always screams when Bud feeds him. You`re really good at that."_

 

**The Present**

 

        Enid stood beside the bed and rolled another bandage as the doctor from The Kingdom bent over Daryl to examine the stitched injury. "I still don`t like how this looks. Have you been taking the pills?"

       "Yeah," Daryl said.

       "Getting any exercise?"

       "Not really. Don`t have a lot of energy."

       "He hasn`t been eating like he should, either," Maggie said.

       The doctor looked at the chart that was on the table beside the bed. "Still a fever. Gone down a little, but mostly stays steady. Blood pressure a bit low. I was afraid of this."

       "What is it?" Jesus asked worriedly.

       "I`m going to have to go in again. There`s still some minor internal bleeding," the doctor said. "You still have a medical trailer?"

       "Yes. Not used much since we still haven`t gotten Dr. Carson back yet," Maggie said.

       "I`ll have to set up there. I brought one nurse with me, but I need a couple others to help me out."

       "I`ll help," Jesus said. "I was an orderly when all the shit happened."

       "I know someone with nursing experience," Maggie said. She reached over and squeezed Daryl`s hand then left.

       Jesus looked at Enid. "Someone needs to get a message to Rick at Alexandria."

       "I`ll go," Enid said. "Maisie`s been teaching me how to drive."

       "Good thing there ain`t no traffic no more," Daryl said to her.

       "Ha-ha, very funny," Enid said and left.

       "I thought we got it the first time. Sorry, Daryl," the doctor said. "All I know that was some wound you got. Never seen anything like that."

       "You should see the weapon that did it," Jesus said somberly.

       The doctor quickly examined the injuries on Daryl`s face. "I can remove the bandages and stitches on these, except the one above your left eye. I`ll give you some cream to help with the scars."

       Daryl wished he could take some relief from that news, but the idea of having surgery again was a setback he had not been prepared for.

                                                                        *****

       A table had been set up to be used for the operation in the medical trailer. The doctor stood over it her hands in gloves, the tray of instruments beside her. She glanced at Jesus who also wore a mask and had his hair tied in a bun covered by a plastic shower cap.

       "Are you familiar with giving anesthesia?" the doctor asked.

       "I`ve only observed it a couple times," Jesus said.

       "I`ll guide you through it."

       Jesus nodded. He noticed Daryl was looking at him. "Don`t worry. You`ll be fine." Daryl smiled at him slightly.

       "Let`s go," the doctor said.

       The surgery took three hours and the doctor had found the area that had been bleeding. She easily fixed it and Daryl was soon on the infirmary bed recovering. Rick now sat in a chair against the wall while Jesus held Daryl`s hand.

       "Thanks for sending Enid to come and get me," Rick said quietly.

       "Have there been any attacks?" Jesus asked.

       "Some minor skirmishes. When it`s quiet that`s when it`s time to be more wary and observant. I sure miss Daryl. Was he too upset?"

       "I`m not sure. You know how he keeps things to himself." Jesus looked at Daryl. "I`ve never seen him so down and out of the game before."

       "He`s fighting this like hell. I remember when he accidentally shot himself with his crossbow when he fell down a riverbank. He told me he crawled back up the steep rocky bank--twice--bleeding, fighting off walkers. Then after making his way through the woods he was mistaken for a walker and shot in the head. Good thing that was only minor." Rick got up and paced. "I can sit with him for a while."

       "I`m good." Jesus was slightly surprised when he felt Daryl squeeze his hand. "Yeah. I`m good. For the moment."

 

**_1995_ **

 

_"I`m on a winnin` streak now!" Merle yelled from the area of the pool tables, above the noise of the jukebox that was playing 'Bang a Gong (Get It On)' by T. Rex. He and Daryl had come back to Jasper after spending almost three years in the woods or hanging around with Vince. Merle`s laughter from his winning streak was being filtered through a brain that had been soused with the latest round coming from the almost empty bottle of Wild Turkey that was on the bar in front of Daryl. After a couple more belts he felt good enough to go outside with the long-haired Native-American man he had been sitting next to at the bar and they went into the parking lot where a van was parked. Daryl felt drunk and aroused, knowing exactly what both of them wanted at that moment. They crawled inside the van closing the door. It was too dark for anyone else to see anything through the windows._

_"You like it in the ass, Dixon?"_

_"Yeah, as long as you smoke my junk, Nate," Daryl said, his words slurred, emitting a throaty laugh. He was turned around roughly and his pants pulled down to his ankles, ready to be ridden doggy-style._

_"Just let me get a little lubricant on. There." Nate then played with the tip of his dick in Daryl`s anus before sliding it in and jerking up and down fast as both men moaned in pleasure until Nate came, the cum dripping down his cock. He then flipped Daryl around and took Daryl`s erect dick into his mouth and sucked until Daryl shot out his jizz. They collapsed on top of each other and kissed hard._

_*****_

_Merle glanced over to the bar to check on his brother, but didn`t see him sitting where he had been the entire night nursing his bottle of whiskey._

_"Something wrong, Merle?" the man he had been shooting pool with asked._

_"Can`t find my brother. You go ahead and play that game with Bill. I gotta go find him. Keep the little shit out of trouble." Merle put the pool cue back in the rack and left._

_"Caleb and Dobby are sure gonna have some fun tonight," he overheard someone at the bar say as they conversed with the bartender. "Going after a couple girlee boys who just headed out to the parking lot."_

_Merle didn`t like the sound of that statement. Somehow he knew in the back of his mind that Daryl was one of the 'girlee boys' they were referring to. He felt a sense of urgency as he headed outside. The vehicles in the parking lot were too numerous to look inside each and every one so he would have to just watch if there was any trouble brewing._

_*****_

_In back of the van Daryl and Nate had put themselves back together. Daryl finished off the bottle of Wild Turkey and tossed it aside. Nate opened the door of the van and peered out. There was no one around so he and Daryl had one last open mouthed lustful kiss before he motioned for Daryl to come out._

_"Gotta keep a lookout around here," Nate said. "One of us got beat up the other night."_

_"Anybody know who did it?" Daryl asked as he belched._

_"Coupla guys that frequent the bars looking all the time for queers."_

_Daryl was starting to get used to that word being applied to himself. A part of him felt like he was doing something wrong, but a part of him also felt like he was doing something natural. After the incident at Vince`s with the prostitute he had tried to do it with another woman, but he didn`t even make it to first base, let alone have sex with her. She made fun of how he couldn`t 'get it up'. He had no problem in that area with men, however._

_"Maybe we better go back separately," Daryl said._

_Nate nodded and without another word headed towards the front entrance of the bar. Daryl decided to go around to the back. He had to take a piss in the worst way so a delay like that would work in his favor. He worked his way through several parked vehicles and went in back where a couple dumpsters had been placed, which was always a popular spot for most of the drunken patrons to pee. He had just finished and redid his fly when he was suddenly grabbed from behind._

_"This the one, Caleb?"_

_"That`s one of them. Boy is he ever shit-faced," Caleb said. He_ _slapped Daryl across the face hard. "Hey, you know what`s comin` to ya?"_

_"Who are you?" Daryl asked.  
_

_"We`re your guardian angels. We want to send you to heaven." As Dobby held him, Caleb let loose a couple of hard punches in Daryl`s stomach. Dobby then twisted his neck slightly then punched him in the face before throwing Daryl to the ground. Both men kicked him hard. Daryl tried to curl up, but was picked up by Dobby and thrown against the dumpster._

_"Leave me alone," Daryl said and was rewarded with a cut lip from a ring Dobby wore. He was then thrown to the ground again. Both of them proceeded to kick him in the stomach, the sides, and his ass. His face now bruised, with blood from the cut and his nose running down his neck. He hurt like hell. "Stop."_

_"Did you hear that, Caleb? He wants us to stop." Dobby gave him a good hard kick in the shin causing him to roll over and strike the dumpster._

_There was the sound of running footsteps and Merle, as if coming out of nowhere, grabbed Dobby and threw him to the ground. His fists of iron were no match for Dobby who was soon unconscious. Seeing what had happened, Caleb took off at a run._

_"Come back here!" Merle yelled after him. But the man was long gone. He looked down at Daryl who was still on the ground breathing hard in pain._

_"See what happens when you get too liquored up, Darylina?"_

_"I think he broke a couple ribs," Daryl said. "And my nose."_

_"I keep tellin` ya, ya got to sober up. Let`s go to the emergency room then back to the motel." Merle gently helped Daryl to his feet and slowly took him to their pickup truck._

_*****_

_After they had returned from the hospital Merle helped Daryl, now patched up and bandaged, into bed. Daryl was a bit groggy from the mixture of whiskey and painkillers._

_"I guess I should just give up on you. They could have killed you, do you know that?" Merle wasn`t sure if he was more disgusted by the beating that Daryl had received or the reason why he had gotten beaten in the first place._

_"Maybe they shoulda." Daryl began to sob softly._

_"Tomorrow I`ll take you to the beauty parlor so you can have your nails and hair done, Darylina."_

_"Shut-up."_

_Merle paced for a moment, then stopped and looked down at Daryl. "I thought things had changed after taking you out in the woods. Mitzi told me you and she did it."_

_Daryl looked directly at him, his expression livid. "Not on my part. I threw up afterwards. I hated it."_

_"I`m puttin` the fear of the devil in you, turnin` you into a fightin` demon only to find out you`re already possessed."_

_"Yeah, I`m possessed. Go find a fuckin` exorcist." Daryl`s mind was starting to clear a little._

_Merle picked up one of the plastic glasses beside the coffeemaker and went into the bathroom. He filled the glass with cold water and came back and threw it in Daryl`s face. "There. I cast thee out Satan."_

_"Fuck you." Daryl breathed hard and continued to sob, seeming unable to calm down.  
_

_Merle sat on the other bed and just stared at him. "Hey, settle down now," he said in a calm voice, the same voice he had used when Daryl was a small child and he was the only one around to help him when he was hurt. When Daryl didn`t respond he got up and sat on the bed next to his younger brother._

_"I tried it with another woman. Nothin` doin`. I can`t help it," Daryl said, wanting so much for Merle to understand._

_Merle`s expression softened and he reached over and helped Daryl to scoot up, putting a pillow underneath his head. Merle looked down at the floor, then at the walls and ceiling. "This is somethin` we keep between us."_

_"Jeannie knows." Daryl wiped at his eyes, starting to calm down somewhat._

_"I figured she did. Now I know why she was so upset that night." Merle paused, struggling to say what he wanted to say. "I`ll leave you alone about it from now on. Maybe it`s somethin` you can`t change."_

_"I know that don`t mean you won`t leave others alone."_

_Merle chuckled. "No. But they ain`t blood are they?" He patted Daryl on the leg. "Get some sleep." He got up and sat on the other bed. Daryl was asleep within five minutes. Merle grabbed a pint bottle of whiskey and shut off all the lights. He lit up a cigarette and stared out the window watching the nighttime traffic, its soft whooshing sounds blending in with the swishing of the liquid in the bottle as he slowly drank within the small cloud of smoke._

_*****_

_A couple days later Daryl found himself standing outside the tattoo parlor. He still hurt from the beating, but looked more bruised than anything. He noticed that nothing much had changed. Frank was still there and he got a warm smile when he went inside._

        _"I`ll be damned. It`s Daryl Dixon," Frank said. "What happened to you?"_

        _"_ _Got beat up by a couple assholes who don`t like queers," Daryl said. "I`ll be okay."  
_

        _Frank looked directly at him. "Just try not to be ashamed, Daryl. It`s who you were born to be."_

      _Daryl looked down, not wanting to meet his gaze. "Maybe I am sick. Maybe I am a pervert."_

_"Who says?" he heard a female voice ask from the back of the parlor. He had not noticed that anyone else was present. "I don`t think so. So there." He noticed that she had a pink Mohawk and wore a leather outfit showing off her tattoos._

        _"_ _Remember when I told you I wanted to take someone else on?" Frank asked._

        _"_ _Yeah, I remember." Daryl sat down feeling he could make himself at home._

        _"It took me a whole year, then Sadie came along. All the way from Atlanta. Show him some pictures of your work."_

_Sadie handed him a notebook. He flipped through the pages. "This is good work." He stopped at one page and saw an image of two demons. He interpreted them as two angels that were falling from Heaven into the abyss of Hell, an image that had been imprinted in his mind for both him and his brother. As he studied the image, it struck a chord within him that had kept the picture deep in the recesses of his subconscious. "I didn`t come here just to jaw. I`m ready for the big one."_

_Frank grinned. realizing coming into the tattoo parlor was the best therapy Daryl needed at that moment. "Got the funds this time, huh?"_

_"Yep. I shot a cougar up north. Sold the pelt."_

_Frank stopped doing the paperwork he had been working on. "I`m a bit busy but Sadie here could use some experience. Is that okay?"_

_"Yeah, I like this one. This is better than the one I had in mind," Daryl said indicating the falling demons. He took off his shirt, not feeling too self-conscious about the scars on his back. He was certain they had seen worse. "On the right side of my back."_

_Sadie grinned. "Just relax over here in the chair while I get things ready."_

_*****_

_The pain of the needle going into his skin didn`t seem to bother Daryl. He had felt worse and Sadie was a very gentle and quick artist._

_"That`s a nasty bruise on your side," she said. "I`ll be getting close to it."_

_"Don`t worry about it," Daryl said. He enjoyed talking to Sadie, mostly about movies and books they liked._

_"Daryl, I know how hard it can be to be like you are around here. Being a lezzie isn`t that much easier. The guys don`t seem to be that intimidated by it, but other women? They seem to think we have something they don`t. It`s not that bad in Atlanta," Sadie said as she carefully drew an outline for the bottom demon._

_"The other night was a wake-up call, I guess. I knew men got beat up for bein` queer. I never thought it would happen to me"_

_"And stop telling yourself you`re sick or a pervert. Who put that shit into your head?" Sadie asked._

_"My father. Mostly my brother."_

_"Merle is a close-minded idiot," Frank said. "Right, Lex?"_

_"Right," the woman he was working on said. "Your brother once tried to hit on me in a bar, called me 'sexy Lexy'. I nearly kicked his balls out."_

_"Never mess with a woman who knows karate," Sadie said._

_Daryl laughed slightly. "Serves him right. He has no idea that I`m here." He paused, realizing he was also exposing the scars on his back. "I want to thank y`all for bein` discreet about my scars."_

_"We`ve seen worse," Sadie said. "You know there are things we can do to cover them up."_

_Daryl paused for a moment to think about what Sadie had said. "No. There`s a part of me that needs`em. I don`t know why." Daryl closed his eyes. The others realized he didn`t want to talk anymore._

_Sadie sat back and observed her work. "These are starting to look pretty cool."_

 

**The Present**

 

        Jesus sat in silence as he stared at his cards, then glanced at Daryl, and then stared at his cards again. They were back in the room at Barrington House playing two-handed poker with matchsticks. He coughed loudly and cleared his throat several times in order to distract Daryl, who was studying his cards.

        "I have a mind to smack you one. I`m tryin` to concentrate," Daryl said, the irritation in his voice.

        "You mean bluff," Jesus said with an air of mischief.

       Daryl glared at him. "This is poker ain`t it?"

       "Not real poker."

       "Go scavenge some fuckin` chips then. I`ll wipe your ass to the ground."

       Jesus threw his cards aside. "I give up." He knew Daryl wasn`t feeling well and his temper was getting the better of him at times. "You want to get some rest?"

       Daryl laid back on the pillow and closed his eyes. He was in pain and was told painkillers were scarce so he said he would just endure it. "Yeah. I`m hurtin` a lot right now."

       Jesus cleared off the table and moved it to the side. "Anything I can do to help?"

       Daryl shook his head. He opened his eyes and looked directly at Jesus. "Why were you holdin` my hand after I had my surgery?"

       Jesus looked down at the floor. "I--I just wanted to comfort you. I thought you needed to know that someone else was there for you."

       "And that`s all?"

       "Pretty much." His eyes met Daryl`s and locked for a moment before Daryl looked away then looked back at him again.

       There was a knock on the door and Maggie came in carrying some towels, a bar of soap, and a couple pans. "Oh, Jesus, I didn`t know you were in here." She set the stuff down. "I came to give Daryl his sponge bath. Enid`s getting some warm water."

       "I`ll do it," Jesus said. "I used to do them all the time as an orderly. That is if you don`t mind." He looked at Daryl.

       "I don`t mind."

       "Okay, then--well. You know, I didn`t realize how hot it is in here during the day. I`ll go see if I can scrounge up a fan somewhere." Maggie turned to leave. "Enid, don`t forget to bring those clean pajamas and sheets."

       Moments later the water was prepared and brought in. One pan was for washing, the other for rinsing. Jesus dipped the washcloth in the first pan. "This will help cool you down, too." Daryl took off his t-shirt. Jesus carefully washed Daryl`s face then moved down to his muscular bare chest and around the back of his neck. "Feel good?"

       "Yeah."

       "Sorry we have to do it this way, but we`re not supposed to get the bandage or the surgical incision wet."

       "I ain`t sorry."

       Jesus scrubbed down his back, noticing the scars. When he had brought Daryl back from being imprisoned in The Sanctuary he had a glimpse of them. Now seeing them up close made him wonder if Daryl had suffered beatings in his childhood. It took a moment for him to register what Daryl had just said. He grinned. "Are you enjoying all this pampering?"

       "Can`t be avoided so I might as well." Daryl was trying to sound gruff, but it came out sounding a bit comical instead.

       Jesus laughed. "Oh, Daryl, you`re such an enigma to me." His face came very close to Daryl`s as he reached over and scrubbed his left shoulder. His long silky hair tickled Daryl`s chest. He could feel his heart pounding in his own. He finally finished with his back. "You`re going to have to take off your pajama pants so I can wash your legs and ass." Daryl did so and was now completely naked underneath the sheet. Jesus worked his way up from his feet alternating between each leg. The sheet was now covering Daryl`s privates. "Oh, a little snake on the leg. I never noticed that before."

       "That was my second one I think," Daryl said.

       "What was your first?"

       Daryl held out his right arm. "This one." He traced Mingus`s name.

       "Is that the name of a special friend?" Jesus had finished with his legs and now worked his way to the area of the bandage.

       "Yeah."

       "Were you close?"

       Daryl looked down then at the window, his thoughts drifting to the days of his youth. Days spent in a tangle of tree limbs. Some of the happiest of his life. "We were intimate."

       Jesus stopped for a moment. "Oh. I see." The revelation that he had just heard caused his head to spin. He tried to pay attention to his work. He worked his way around the bandage, his arms lightly brushing against Daryl`s balls. He could feel the stirrings within his own and hoped he could keep them under control.

       "He was killed at his workplace when I was seventeen."

       A teenage romance. "I`m sad to hear that, Daryl." He quickly washed Daryl`s privates. "You know, I think we should change the bandage. I know how to do that. I can clean the area around the stitches and not get them wet. It will help ward off any infection." He concentrated harder on his work as he carefully removed the bandage.

       "How`s it look?"

       "Looks good. I don`t see any red like I did before." He carefully washed the area around the incision and got up. "Just lie still for a minute. I`ll have to go the bathroom to get the fresh bandage." He left in a bit of a hurry.

       "Jesus, what--." He passed Maggie so fast she didn`t have time to finish her sentence. She knocked on the door.

       Daryl quickly pulled the sheet over him. "Yeah."

       "If he`s finished I`ll clean up." She came into the room. "What was Jesus`s hurry?"

       "He wants to change the bandage."

       "I`m still looking for that fan." She picked up the towels and his pajama pants and t-shirt. "I see Enid forgot to bring in fresh pajamas. That girl`s head is in the clouds sometimes."

       "Got any smokes? I promise not to smoke when you`re around."

       "I`ll scrounge up some cigarettes as well. You`re being so pampered and served right now you`ll get spoiled before you know it." Maggie playfully winked at him and left.

       Moments later Jesus returned with the fresh bandage and quickly and expertly put it on. There was a knock and Enid stepped in. Jesus put the sheet back over Daryl.

       "Sorry about the pajamas. I didn`t hear Maggie the first time."

       "Just leave them here, I`ll put them on him," Jesus said. He met Enid`s knowing gaze. She smiled and left.

       "Enid! Fresh sheets, too!" they heard Maggie yell from down the hall.

       Jesus helped Daryl slip on the pajama pants and t-shirt. "I guess they can change the sheets without me. I`ll come by later." His and Daryl`s eyes locked. In that moment there was a new understanding between them. He quickly left the room.

       "Is he decent?" Maggie asked when he passed by her.

       "Yes. All done. I`ll be in my trailer." Jesus hurried down the staircase, across the foyer, and out of Barrington House. He practically ran to his trailer and closed the door with a slam. He then leaped onto his bed and pulled down his pants. His cock practically sprang out and his hands were on it ready to take care of the business that had started out as an innocent bath. It didn`t take him long before he climaxed then he just lay there on the bed panting. "Oh god, what`s happening?" Jesus closed his eyes. He sobbed slightly, unsure if he was happy or sad.

                                                                       *****

"We need to get you up and around," the doctor said as she examined Daryl a couple days later. "I don`t see any more infection setting in. Have you been eating?"

        "A little," Daryl said. "I mostly want to sleep."

        "Sleep is good. That means your body is concentrating its energy on healing. Try to get someone to help you walk around the room a bit. Do a little bit more each day. I`ll be returning to The Kingdom since I don`t anticipate any more complications."

        After the doctor had left Daryl sat back in his pillows feeling a sense of melancholy take over. He hated being stuck in bed day in and day out and worried about the progress of the war. Rick had not been in to see him since he had to have more surgery, so he thought something was keeping him preoccupied. Since the doctor said he could start to get up and get around he threw the sheet aside and slowly swerved his legs over the side.

        "Oh, no you don`t," Jesus said entering the room.

        "The doc said I could," Daryl protested.

        "Not without help. You want to rip out the stitches?"

        Daryl sighed. "No."

        "Then put your arm around me. We`ll go over to the window." Jesus helped him make slow progress over to the window. It was actually good to see something else other than the walls of the bedroom.

        "Have you heard anythin` from Rick?" Daryl asked. "About the war? No one will talk to me about it."

        Jesus knew that if Daryl was starting to worry about other things he was feeling better. "There was an attack on Alexandria, but they were able to take care of it. Negan was nowhere in sight. I think it was just something to make a distraction."

       "I have to get back into the fight again. All this layin` around and shit ain`t no good for no one."

       "All this layin` around and shit is what you need right now. You barely survived this stab wound remember? You`re a man of sense, you know I`m right."

       Daryl sighed. "Yeah. Come on, let`s walk around some more." Jesus steadied him as they slowly walked in a circle just for movement. Daryl nearly lost his balance and Jesus caught him. He guided Daryl back over to the bed.

       "I think that`s enough for today," Jesus said and helped him back in. "Tomorrow we`ll aim for the hallway." Daryl was silent as he adjusted the sheet and pillows. Jesus`s face came close to Daryl`s. For a moment their eyes locked. Jesus leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Daryl`s lips. "I`m sorry." He ran from the room almost crashing into Enid as she was coming in the doorway carrying some fresh bottled water.

       "Why is he in such a hurry?" Enid asked Daryl.

       Daryl only shrugged, not quite sure what to say. The kiss had been so unexpected, but the moment he had felt Jesus`s lips on his, he was feeling the old stirrings he had once felt with just one other person. Mingus. It had been so long ago that he thought he had forgotten what it had felt like to have such a tender kiss. What could it possibly mean?

 

_**1999** _

 

_"What`s with him?" the man sitting next to Merle at the cafe bar asked as they watched Daryl pick up one of the customers who had been mouthing off at him and throwing him out the door._

_"Dumbass shit." Daryl then gave the customer a good kick._

_Merle laughed. "I`ve been makin` him mean like me. Good job, little brother."_

_"He ain`t gonna call me dirty redneck trash again," Daryl said as he sat back down on the other side of Merle. "Gimme a cuppa coffee. Black." He practically threw the money down on the counter._

_Merle reached over and clapped him on the back. "He won`t come in here again when the Dixon brothers are around."_

_"The Dixon brothers have a reputation of causing nothing but trouble around here," the waitress said as she poured Daryl`s coffee._

_"That should be a warnin` to everyone to leave us the hell alone," Merle said. He leaned over the counter. "What say you and me have some in and out fun tonight, sugar tits?"_

_"Go to Hell, Merle," the waitress said. She watched as Daryl took a chocolate donut from the covered plate. "Hey!"_

_"I`ll pay for it. Jee-zuz, y`all act like we steal stuff, too," Daryl said taking a bite of the donut then licking his fingers. He and Merle exchanged knowing grins._

_Merle got up and went over the the jukebox. Moments later 'When Will I Be Loved' by Linda Ronstadt blared from the speakers. "You really kicked the sunza-bitch`s ass, little brother."_

_"Maybe we should leave town for a while. Our reputation is gettin` the attention of the cops." He leaned over and whispered in Merle`s ear. "Especially after we did that job at the gas station."_

_"Desperate times call for desperate measures," Merle whispered back, then aloud, "You may be right about that. We need some time in the woods."_

_"Maybe you should get over the clap first," Daryl said, the amusement in his voice._

_The waitress glared at Merle. "You got a lot of nerve."_

_Merle looked at Daryl with his pissed off look. "Thanks a lot, baby brother." Daryl only shrugged and continued to eat his donut. "We`ll pay Vince a visit, see what new guns he`s got in the ole arsenal."_

_Everyone who overheard Merle gave both him and Daryl a 'please-do-leave' look._

_*****_

_"An RPG? What the hell, Vince?" Merle said as he and Daryl looked over the arsenal in Vince`s bunker._

_"You know how it`s always nice to have military connections," Vince said. "You wanna try it?"_

_"Flip a coin, Daryl," Merle said._

_Daryl took a quarter out of his pocket. "Heads." He flipped it and it landed on 'heads'. "Sorry, Merle."_

_"Shit. I really wanted to blow up that old tree," Merle said laughing._

_Daryl hoisted the RPG on is strong shoulders and they took it some distance from the main buildings._

_"See that old concrete structure?" Vince said pointing. "There`s your target. Here`s how you hold it." He demonstrated to Daryl how to rest it on his shoulder then pointed out the firing mechanism._

_Daryl concentrated on his aim then let the missile fly. It struck the concrete building that exploded with a loud BOOM! Some nearby brush caught on fire but soon went out._

_"What I tell ya, Vince, this brother of mine is a regular fightin` demon."_

_*****_

_For that evening`s BBQ Jeannie and little Denny had come over. She and Daryl now sat at a table underneath a red umbrella just talking. Since they had been friends from childhood on, both being close in age, Jeannie was one of the few people Daryl had felt at ease around, especially after she helped him with the incident with the prostitute._

_"The divorce will be final in a couple weeks," Jeannie said. "Bud was two-timing me for three years, Daryl."  
_

_"Want me to kick his ass?" Daryl asked as he took a long drag from his cigarette._

_Jeannie laughed. "Yeah." She paused. "I`m tired of talkin` about me. Any special man in your life?"_

_"Nah. Too busy followin` Merle around. I ain`t the type of person people fall in love with no more." Daryl took a sip of his beer and seemed to stare into nothing._

_"I wouldn`t be so certain about that." She looked at him, then looked away, knowing that some things just weren`t meant to be. "You know, Daryl, sometimes I think you need to get away from Merle."_

_"I ain`t got nobody else."_

_"I know that, but I remember you when you were a bit nicer to people. You`ve got a side to you that`s real sensitive. I`ll never forget you feeding Denny as a baby."_

_"Hey, Uncle Daryl, watch this," Denny, now 6 years old, said. He ran out onto the lawn and jumped over a large boulder then knocked over a stack of firewood._

_Daryl emitted a short laugh. "Well, it`s a start."_

_"He wants a motorcycle just like Merle`s when he grows up. Merle let you ride his?'_

_"All the time. Mostly when he`s doin` time for sellin` meth." Daryl spat on the ground enhancing his disgust for Merle`s primary occupation._

_Jeannie shook her head. "He never could get away from the drugs. He and Dad are gonna do some tonight. That`s what they really do when they hide in the bunker. I`m surprised you never tried meth."_

_"Hate the smell of it. I see what it does to Merle. I`ve smoked pot and tried 'shrooms from time to time. Hell, I don`t even drink like I used to."_

_Jeannie wrinkled her forehead. Her concern for Daryl`s welfare had always been genuine since no one else had taken it upon themselves to help him out when he really needed it. "I worry that someday your brother is gonna get you killed."_

_"I`m careful," Daryl said not looking at her._

_"I remember how you used to get shit-faced drunk a lot."_

_A look of sadness crossed Daryl`s face. "I was stupid in those days. That`s all."_

_"And you ain`t stupid no more?" She reached over and squeezed his hand. "How long have we been friends?"_

_"Since we were kids." Daryl took a long swill of his beer._

_"Maybe a little older than Denny, I would say. I know you don`t follow through anymore, but you still look at men." She grinned slyly. "One of Dad`s stable boys?" Daryl tried to hide a bit of a smile. "You never did tell me if you ever fell in love."_

_Daryl sat there in silence for along time before answering her. "I did. Once."_

_"Mingus. Was that his name? Since I have a couple tattoos I understand the significance."_

_"He was the only person who ever told me he loved me." Daryl wiped away a lone tear._

_Jeannie could only sit there in silence looking at him with sympathy. "Is he dead?" she finally asked. Daryl nodded. "My gawd, Daryl, how do you hold it together all these years?"_

_Daryl shrugged. He continued to drink his beer in silence._

_Over by the grill Vince and Merle were deep in conversation. "Yeah, I keep up-to-date on all the supplies and food. The weapons will probably be the most important thing."_

_"The world ain`t gonna go down. What makes you think it will?" Merle asked._

_"I know you doubt me, Merle. You know how crazy things are. The niggers are always goin` on about how us white folks are oppressin` them. The mussies and the Christ killers are never gonna stop killin` each other. The Chinks wanna buy us out. The towelheads wanna blow us up. And the faggots? They wanna turn us men all into pussies." He didn`t notice Merle quickly glance at Daryl. "When it all goes down, Merle, we gotta be ready. You`re welcome to join me. Daryl, too. I ain`t invitin` nobody else." Vince turned over the steaks on the grill._

_"I ain`t sayin` things aren`t bad and this country is goin` to Hell, Vince. I`m just not sure it`s gonna go down like you say it is."_

_"Mark my words, Merle. When you find out I`m right, you come see me."_

_"Shit," Jeannie said. "Dad sure gets strange ideas anymore."_

_"You don`t believe him?" Daryl asked._

_"Hell, no," Jeannie said as she lit up a cigarette._

 

**The Present**

 

        "When are you going to give me a ride on your motorcycle?" Enid asked.

        "When you bring me a jug of moonshine and some pickled pigs feet," Daryl said. Maggie and Enid had become Daryl`s assistants and he had finally worked up to going down the stairs and even sitting outside for a time.

        "I`m going to hold you to your promise." Enid playfully blew some dandelion seeds on him.

        "You two should form a comedy act. Go plant those cosmos," Maggie said, grinning. Enid left, laughing as Daryl tried to pluck the seeds out of his hair.

        Daryl wanted to light up in the worst way, but he wouldn`t when Maggie was near. "Where did Jesus go anyway?"

        "He went on a run all of a sudden," Maggie said. She and Daryl talked under the shade of a tree watching the activities of the residents of Hilltop. Daryl was even out of his pajamas and wore regular clothes. "That`s why Enid and I have been helping you."

        Daryl had told no one about the kiss. He wasn`t even sure how he felt about it himself. He did know at that point how Jesus really felt about him. "He did mention somethin` the other day about a shortage of medical supplies."

        "That could be it. But I can`t help thinking it was something else. You still okay?"

        "I`m fine. I can breathe again." There was a signal from one of the sentries and the gate opened. Rick, Michonne, and Aaron strolled in. Maggie waved to them and they came over. Enid, carrying some seed packets, stood a ways from them and smiled as she watched.

        Rick leaned down and hugged Daryl. "Damn, it`s good to see you up like this." Michonne and Aaron also gave him hugs.

        "Still got the damn stitches. I`ll drink some moonshine when them things come out." Daryl glanced at Enid. "When I get some." She stuck her tongue out at him and went on her way.

        "Where`s Jesus?" Michonne asked.

        "On a run," Maggie replied. "I hope he gets back soon. I don`t like him going out alone like this. What brings you to Hilltop?"

        "We finally got those cars retrofitted," Rick said. "I know you`ve been anxious to get them."

        "Things are looking up," Maggie said grinning as she looked at Daryl. But he seemed to be elsewhere, staring off to the side with a look of sadness. He had been brooding since Jesus left and no one could seem to break him out of it. "We`ll park them behind the fence on the other side of Barrington House."

                                                                        *****

 The next day Maggie took Rick and Michonne to show them some of the new defenses along the fence so Aaron stayed behind to sit with Daryl and tend to any needs he might require.

        "I can`t wait to get back to Alexandria and tell everyone how you are doing," Aaron said. "A lot of people have been asking."

        "I didn`t think they gave a shit about me," Daryl said as he lit up a cigarette.

        Aaron gave Daryl a penetrating look. "We do care. Tara suggested we hold a 'welcome back' dinner for you. Rick and Michonne thought it was a wonderful idea."

        Daryl grimaced as if he didn`t like the idea at all. He took a couple puffs from his cigarette. "It was just a stab wound. Nothin` to get excited about."

        "Dammit, Daryl, everyone took it seriously. There were even prayer circles. Eric and I didn`t go, but we were thinking a lot about you." Aaron noticed Daryl look at the ground then at the sky. "You okay?"

        "I`m not used to that kind of thing."

        "I know. We`ll cancel the dinner if you want."

        Daryl was silent for a long time. He emitted an ironic laugh. "No one else ever thought I was worth shit. Merle always told me I was good for nothin`."

        Aaron looked around with a reflective expression on his face. "You know what? Merle isn`t here anymore."

        Daryl stubbed out his cigarette. "Yeah, I know. I found him as a walker. What`s your point?"

        Aaron looked at him pensively. "My point is you don`t have to listen to your inner voice that sounds like Merle anymore." He paused. "We all love you, Daryl."

        Daryl sat there looking down at the ground, the uncertainty in his demeanor. "I ain`t sure I can recognize love when it`s there."

        "That`s where you`re wrong, Daryl. I think you recognize it. You just can`t accept it," Aaron said gently.

        Daryl was silent for a long time. He could hear 'So Far Away' by Dire Straits coming from Ms. Maitlin`s trailer. "Somethin` happened the other day I ain`t sure about."

        "Want to talk about it?"

        Daryl hesitated. "Jesus kissed me."

        "He what?" Aaron was somewhat surprised by the revelation.

        "On the lips. That`s why he ain`t here."

        "He obviously has feelings for you. Eric and I had him figured the first time we saw him." He looked directly at Daryl. "We also had you figured. It`s the gaydar that we have."

        "I ain`t no exception." Daryl gave him a bit of a sly look. He knew Aaron had figured him out when they had gone on their recruiting run. They even joked about it. Aaron was one of the few gay men Daryl could trust to never put any kind of sexual pressure on him, especially since Aaron already was in love with Eric.

        "Do you have feelings for him?"

        Daryl nodded. "I thought we could just be friends. I`m afraid I`m gonna hurt him."

        "How? Are you saying you aren`t ready for a relationship or you don`t like the idea of one?"

       "I ain`t sure what I`m sayin`. I was busy hangin` out with Merle, buyin` into his bullshit." Daryl lit up another cigarette. "This thing with Jesus? This is different."

       "I`m not going to say I can imagine what your life was like before the fall, Daryl. I do know it`s hard to accept something you may have never known."

       Daryl emitted a small ironic laugh. "I did. Once. When I was a teenager." He held out his right arm and pointed to the tattoo. "I remember why I put this here."

       "You`ve felt you would never find love again."

       "I`m startin` to wonder if maybe I have." Daryl looked directly at Aaron. "I ain`t sure what to do."

       Aaron reached over and squeezed his shoulder. "You will know, Daryl. There will be that one moment of revelation that will strike you like a lightning bolt out of the blue."

       Daryl stared at the closed gate and took a long draw from his cigarette. "What`s so wrong is I ain`t the one runnin` away."

                                                                        *****

        Jesus sat by the fire finishing roasting the small rabbit he had found, his meal for the night. He had a backpack full of some medical supplies he had found at a small clinic in a long forgotten burg located on a long forgotten road. There was the sound of the click of a gun. Jesus looked sideways without turning and smiled.

       "Give me the backpack," a young male voice said.

       "You don`t even know what`s in it," Jesus said coolly as he turned the rabbit over on its stick.

       "Whatever it is I want it. Got to be valuable these days."

       "True. You alone?" Jesus shifted his eyes around trying to see in the dark beyond the firelight.

       "What`s it to you?"

       Jesus shrugged. "Just curious."

       "I`m alone right now. But I got friends." The voice of the youngster had no real confidence in that statement and Jesus picked up on it right away.

       Jesus turned around and glanced at his antagonist. The boy could be no more than eighteen or nineteen. "It`s always nice to have friends nowadays." Suddenly he grabbed the boy and flipped him over, swiftly and expertly removing the gun. Jesus was quickly on his feet and pointing the gun at the boy. "Who are you?"

       "I`m Negan."

       "Yeah, I figured that one out, but what is your real name?"

       "Denny. Like in the restaurant."

       Jesus laughed. "They used to have good food, depending on the chef. Well, Denny, I mean, Negan, I`ll have to take you prisoner."

       Denny tried to get up but Jesus was on him and pinned him to the ground. "Ow, you`re hurting me."

      "Don`t fight me then." He leaned down and whispered in Denny`s ear. "I know most of the martial arts ever invented. Black belts and then some. Can you make the same claim?"

      "No."

      "Alright. You run, I`ll shoot. I`ll most likely kill you. You do want to live, right?" Denny nodded. "Good. Now you just sit still while I get some rope. If you`re smart you won`t run or scream or shout." Jesus noticed his rabbit had burnt to a crisp. "And thanks for ruining my supper."

                                                                        *****

       That next morning Enid had dragged Aaron over to do some gardening as Maggie was showing Rick and Michonne more of Hilltop`s improvements. The gate opened and Jesus strolled in with his prisoner.

       "Another one who claims he`s Negan," Jesus said.

       "Too many Negans nowadays," Rick said.

       "I bet you`re Rick Grimes," the boy said. "We`re supposed to kill you on sight."

       "Seems to me there`s nothing much you can do about it right now," Rick said.

        Jesus handed Maggie the backpack. "Medical supplies. There`s more where that came from." He noticed Daryl was slowly making is way down the steps of Barrington House. Maggie came up to him as he walked across the yard.

       "Jesus brought in a prisoner."

       "Who is he?" Daryl asked.

       "Some kid." She leaned over towards him. "Negan."

       "Figures. I`m gettin` tired of that name."

       Maggie laughed. Daryl slowly went to the chair underneath the tree and sat down.

       "So, where do we put him?" Michonne asked. "The jail in Alexandria is occupied right now."

       "Hey, Daryl, what do you think?" Rick asked. "We string him up a tree hanging him up-side-down? Maybe we tie him to a pole, put some kindling underneath--."

       "No, don`t burn me. Please," Denny pleaded.

       "How about that big ole water tank on the other side of the fence," Daryl said. "The one the walkers like to pound against."

       Jesus and Rick brought Denny closer to Daryl. Denny`s eyes widened. "Uncle Daryl?"

       Daryl stared at the newcomer, squinting his eyes. "Denny?"

       "You know each other?" Rick asked somewhat taken aback.

       "Yeah, we do." Daryl stared hard at Denny. Why had this particular ghost from his past just resurface out of the blue?

 

_**2009** _

 

_"To be honest, I ain`t really sure," Merle said in answer to Daryl`s question. "But I`m not sure we should stay. If things get bad for Vince, it might get worse for us." He took a long drink of whiskey from the bottle in his hand as he and Daryl watched TV inside Vince`s house._

_"It just came out of nowhere," the woman on the TV said to the interviewer. "Making this growling, gargling sound. I saw it bite this man before the police could take it down."_

_"How did they do that?" the interviewer asked._

_"They kept shooting at it and it kept coming until they shot it in the head." The woman started to cry. "I`m sorry, I can`t talk about this anymore." She covered her face and left the interview._

_The camera then cut onto the interviewer. "There have been reports that these so-called walking corpses were seen all over Freedom Park and police were in a shootout with approximately 15 of the creatures. We`ll be back with more on this story."_

_The broadcast went to a commercial so Merle pressed the mute button. "More crazy shit the CDC won`t say nothin` about." He noticed Daryl had a contemplative deep look on his face. "What`s wrong, little brother?"_

_Daryl got up and went over to a window, gazed at the woods surrounding the house. "What if nature is fightin` back, Merle? No one knows nothin` about this disease."_

_Merle emitted a short laugh. "Far be it for me to say maybe the environmental jerks were right."_

_Daryl turned to look at him. "What if Vince does turn on us? What then?"_

_"We survive, Daryl. Just like we always have." He emptied his whiskey bottle._

_Daryl took his crossbow, which was leaning by an end table, and tested the new string he had just put on, adjusting the tension then placing a bolt in the shaft. He held it up and peered through the sight. "I`m goin` for a walk."_

_"Be careful, little brother." Merle was looking directly at him._

_"I can take care of myself." He sometimes hated how Merle still tried to 'babysit' him._

_"I know you can. But things are getting a little weird. Even in a place as isolated as this."_

_Daryl didn`t like the caution in Merle`s tone, which was rare. But there were times he had learned to trust his brother. He nodded. "I`ll be alright." He then headed outside._

_After taking a piss behind a tree Daryl went over to where some of Vince`s hired hands lived. In the barracks nobody seemed to be around. Usually there was always activity and someone was always doing chores. Perhaps they were all in the bunker. He turned to go in that direction when he was suddenly confronted by one of the men who tended the small herd of cattle. He remembered that his name was Mick._

_"Hey, Mick, where is everybody?" Daryl asked. His only answer was Mick coming towards him. There was an opaqueness to the eyes and he was making the raspy gargling sound. He headed directly for Daryl, almost seeming to quicken his pace. Daryl felt himself to be in great danger and unslung his crossbow and aimed it directly at Mick. Without hesitation he let the bolt fly and it went directly into Mick`s head. Mick fell down to the ground dead. "Damn," Daryl muttered not believing what he had just seen. There was another noise that was similar to what he had just heard. Another one was coming up behind him. He quickly reloaded the crossbow and just as efficiently as he had disposed of the first, he did the second one. He retrieved his bolts and stood there staring at the corpses. He heard footsteps and turned at the sound of them._

_"Good, you found them," Vince said._

_"How bad is it?" Daryl asked now getting a bit aggressive. He wanted answers, and he was not going to show any hesitation in getting them._

_"Bad."_

_Daryl loaded a bolt into his crossbow. "So you were just gonna leave Merle and me in the dark about this? All your talk about invitin` us to stay was just bullshit?" His tone was angry now._

_"All we want is to survive. You and Merle do your part, you can stay."_

_Merle came up to them. "There you are, Vince." He saw the two dead corpses. "What the hell?"_

_Daryl slung his crossbow over his back. "Ask your buddy." He walked away not wanting to talk to Vince anymore._

_"What`s eating him?" Vince asked. "I`m sincere about my invitation to you both to ride this thing out."_

_"He gets that way when he`s uncertain about things," Merle said. "When did this happen to these two?" He pointed to the corpses._

_Vince shrugged. "Those things have been spotted all over the woods. All I ask is that you and your brother help me fight them, keep this compound safe. Do you think you can do that?"_

_"Sure. We can do our part. Don`t we always?"_

_*****_

_"Okay, so you don`t trust him. I don`t either," Merle said to Daryl that night as they sat on the tailgate of their pickup. "When we leave here we`ll take what we can get and head for Atlanta."_

_"What makes you think Atlanta`s gonna be any different? More people, more of them things."_

_Merle smoked his cigarette in silence for a long moment. "I don`t know what to tell you, little brother. This thing has got me all confused and twisted."_

_"I say we stay as long as we can. Get some of them guns, some food. Fuel. Even if we have to kill Vince to get it." Daryl lit up._

_Merle laughed. "You know, I got you trained just right. You never thought of killin` until now have ya?"_

_"I`d like to think we won`t have to. I never killed no one before."_

_"This is war, Daryl. Not just against the geeks, but the real people out there. They`ll always want to get what you have. Someone will want it all just to stay alive."_

_Daryl looked up at the stars, the clear sky, and the new moon. What the world was turning into, was it something he was prepared for? His greatest concern was being alone. He wasn`t sure if that terrified him or not for he was a fearless man. "So what we gonna do?"_

_"For now we`ll do what Vince asks, stay as long as we can." Merle jumped down from the tailgate and headed in the direction of the bunker._

_**2010** _

 

_Daryl sat by the bed Jeannie was laying on, reaching over and wiping her sweating forehead with a cloth._

_"The fever started soon after that thing bit me," Jeannie said quietly._

_"Where`s Denny?"_

_"With his father in Virginia." She grasped Daryl`s arm. "Dad shot a bunch of those things when they came out of the woods out of nowhere. What`s going on, Daryl?"_

_"I don`t know. Some crazy disease."_

_"People die and come back to life. I don`t want that to happen to me." She began to cry._

_"I won`t let it happen. I know what to do," Daryl said, trying to comfort her._

_Jeannie smiled. "You always did, Daryl. Merle may not have noticed, but I did. If things would have been different I would have married you."_

_Daryl snorted. "Yeah. Didn`t work out for either of us did it." Would things have been different? Marriage and children were something that had never appealed to him. Was it because he was queer? His crappy childhood? Only questions he would never know the answers to._

_"Do you have a place to go? It`s not safe here."_

_"Ain`t no place safe no more. Merle thinks we should head down to Atlanta. Guess that`s as good as anywhere else." He shrugged and emitted a short nervous laugh._

_She reached over and clasped his hand. "Survive, Daryl. No matter what you may have to do. No matter what the world becomes, you`re probably made for it."_

_"Hey, don`t talk like that. There`s gotta be hope."_

_"I`m not sure you really believe that." She noticed him mope a bit. "I know you`re just tryin` to be my friend. Thank you." She and Daryl hugged tightly. "I hope someday you meet the man of your dreams."_

_Daryl emitted one of his soft dismissive hisses. "He`ll have a handful I`m sure." They let go of each other. "You should get some sleep. Don`t worry, I`ll take care of ya."_

_"Daryl." Her voice had become weaker. "You will be somebody. Someday." Her voice trailed off and she closed her eyes. Soon her breathing stopped completely._

_"Jeannie?" he called softly. He placed his ear on her chest and heard no heartbeat. He knew then that she was dead. He gently gathered her in his arms. "Goodbye, sweet friend." Tears rolled down his cheeks. He placed her back on the bed._

_All Daryl could do now was sit and stare at her. He knew what was coming. His right hand rested on the handle of his knife as it stayed sheathed. He had never seen the process up close. About twenty minutes went by when he saw a slight movement in Jeannie`s hands. Then there was movement in her arms and legs. Slowly her eyes opened. Daryl stood up and tried to look into them, but all he saw was the empty opaqueness of lifelessness. She sensed Daryl`s presence and turned her head towards him, her jaw moving up and down ready to bite. With a sense of awe he watched as she sat up and got out of the bed. He backed away only slightly so he would have the room to do the task at hand. Growling, Jeannie`s corpse moved taking slow steps towards him. Daryl took the knife out of its sheath. Without blinking an eye he quickly and gently plunged the knife into her head, catching her as she fell, then placed her back on the bed and stood there just staring for the longest time before pulling the sheet over her head. After wiping his knife on a blanket and putting it back in its sheath, he turned around and slung his crossbow over his shoulder ready to leave the whole experience of Vince`s compound behind._

_*****_

_"Too bad we had to leave Vince`s place, but it was too overrun. We need more weapons and food," Merle said as he stood on a hill looking through binoculars. In the distance was the skyline of Atlanta, Georgia._

_"You think it`s a good idea to enter the city? All them bombs and napalm and shit?"_

_Merle lowered the binoculars and glanced at the pickup he and Daryl used. His bike was tied up in the back alongside some gas cans, some boxes of food, and bottled water. "Probably full of geeks. Not my idea of fun. I noticed a quarry nearby. It`s on high ground, covered in woods. Might be a good place to camp until we can find some more supplies." They both got inside the pickup, Merle driving._

_"We can just disappear into the woods. We know how to survive," Daryl said._

_Merle shook his head. "Right now we`ll have to put up with people. Safety in numbers. They get too troublesome, we`ll take what we can get. Find someone else."_

_Daryl felt that it was unusual for Merle to want to be around people. Had the world coming apart at the seams made his older brother more unstable than he was before the world fell? It was something he would have to keep an eye on from that moment on. "Alright," he simply said._

_Merle started the pickup. They drove down several roads until they found a sign marked 'QUARRY'. Merle turned down the dirt road. What they saw came as a bit of a surprise. A group of people had already formed a camp near the quarry. The most noticeable vehicle was an RV. Merle shut off the ignition. Both of them stayed in the pickup as a tall dark-haired man carrying a rifle approached them._

_"What if he shoots at us?" Daryl asked. His hands gripped hard on a handgun he was holding._

_"Let me do the talkin`."_

_The dark-haired man stood a few feet away from the pickup and looked them over before coming up to the window on Merle`s side. He peered inside. "Get that hand off that gun," he said looking at Daryl._

_"Why? Maybe we wanna shoot first,"  Daryl said._

_"That`s all we need. A coupla dumb rednecks. Get out of the truck, hands up in the air." The man jacked his rifle. "Any wrong moves and you get it in the head."_

_"Now slow down there, fella," Merle said in his smooth low voice as he got out. He raised his hands. "All we wanna do is survive like the rest of ya."_

_"Yeah, ease up on that dumb redneck shit," Daryl said. He also got out, his hands raised._

_"We just may be your salvation," Merle said as he and Daryl were quickly frisked. "I`m Merle Dixon. And this is my brother Daryl."_

_"What`s going on?" an older man wearing a fishing hat said as he walked over to them. "Shane?"_

_"Just some strangers, Dale. I got this."_

_Merle laughed. "Y`all think you know how to survive, doncha? You could learn a thing or two from the ole Dixon brothers."_

_A blond-haired woman, a dark-haired woman with a boy beside her, and a fat man with a short-haired woman with a girl came up alongside Dale._

_"Who are they?" the dark-haired woman asked._

_Shane lowered his gun. "Just some survivors like us." He pointed at Merle. "If you want to stay with us you got to contribute your share."_

_Merle lowered his arms. "Fine with us. We`re all in the same jam ain`t we?" He glanced at Daryl._

_"Come on, Shane. We need to give them a chance. I think they can help us."_

_"What if you`re wrong, Lori?"_

_"Then I`m wrong." Lori went up to them. "Are you two hungry?"_

_"Now that`s better," Merle said. "All polite and nice-like." He and Daryl followed Lori._

_The short-haired woman reached out towards Daryl as he slung his crossbow over his back. "I can wash your clothes if you want."_

_Daryl only glared at her. "Get the hell away from me."_

 

**The Present**

 

       Daryl slowly approached Denny. "I should kill ya right here," he said. "Good thing your ma ain`t alive to see this."

       "How do you know him?" Rick asked.

       "The grandson of a friend of Merle`s named Vince. Fed him when he was a damn baby." Daryl came up and held his knife at Denny`s throat. "Now you`re Negan`s trash."

       "We should keep him prisoner," Maggie said. "Maybe we can use him for bargaining."

       Daryl lowered the knife. "Lock him up and tie him up. If I were better, I would kick your ass." He felt Jesus tug at him to sit back down.

       "Take him to the tank for now," Maggie said. Rick and Michonne held each side of Denny and hauled him away.

       Daryl angrily stabbed his knife into the top of the table. His gaze then wandered to look at Jesus. When their eyes met, Jesus looked down as if to say he was sorry that he had run away.

                                                                        *****

        That next morning Jesus tended to Daryl`s surgical incision with some iodine he had found on his run. He also changed the bandage and worked in silence feeling Daryl`s steady gaze on him while he worked.

        "Why did you run away?" Daryl finally asked as he relaxed on the bed.

        "I needed to go somewhere and think about things," Jesus replied. "To be alone."

        "Look, we ain`t hidin` secrets between us no more."

        "No. I guess not." Jesus looked up at Daryl. "I`m sorry if I did something that upset you."

        "I ain`t upset." A look of sadness crossed Daryl`s face.

         Jesus noticed the look, unsure of its meaning. Was Daryl happy to see that he was back? Or was it disappointment? He finished with the bandage and straightened Daryl`s shirt. "It`s good to see you up and about."

        "You know how I hate layin` around."

        Maybe what Daryl needed was to feel like he was back in the game again. "You feel up to a bit of a ride this afternoon? On my run I came across this car jam that has a vehicle we might be able to use. I`m not an expert on engines"

        Daryl`s expression brightened somewhat. "Yeah. I can still shoot my crossbow."

        "Good. I`ll have the car ready after lunch and you can meet me out back."

                                                                        *****

The drive was fairly smooth going, the car jam being about five miles from Hilltop.

        "You never noticed this before?" Daryl asked as they got out.

        "I never went down this road. Didn`t think it was worth it. I needed to take a shortcut since I had a prisoner," Jesus said.

        There were about a dozen or so vehicles in the car jam that had been stopped by an overturned semi-truck. Daryl peered into the backseat of a Toyota. He saw a backpack, checked for walkers, and opened the door. When he opened the pack up he found a couple cans of soup, some children`s books, and a pair of shoes. He tossed the shoes and books aside and put the soup cans back in. "Might be more where this came from."

        Jesus took the backpack and slung it over his back. "The vehicle is over here. It`s a Jeep Liberty." They walked over to it and when they looked inside a walker lifted itself up and banged on the window. It was a male child of about eleven or twelve. He banged and growled at them with ferocity. "Ready?"

       "Yeah." Daryl opened the door and Jesus knifed its head with ease. The walker fell out of the jeep and onto the pavement. "What the hell?"

       "What is it?" Jesus asked.

       "Marks on its back." Daryl looked up. "This kid was beaten."

       Jesus turned away for a moment, unable to face the walker after what Daryl had just said. He turned back around. "I wonder with what."

       Daryl made a quick check for other walkers in the Jeep. Finding none he did an exploration of the back seat and found a long black leather belt. There were signs of blood on it. "With this." He angrily tossed it aside, remembering how his father often used a belt when the whip wasn`t nearby. "The fucker who did this better already be a walker or I`ll make him one myself."

       "You and me both." Jesus came up to stand beside him.

       They heard the sounds of another walker on the other side of the Jeep. When they found it, the walker was of a young girl of about the same age as the boy. She lay on the ground, her blouse torn, her pants and underwear around her ankles. It was obvious one of her legs had been broken. There were also signs that she had been beaten as well as sexually assaulted. Daryl stuck his knife into her head. He stayed in that position for the longest time just staring at her. Jesus placed a hand on his shoulder. Daryl reached up and for a moment they clasped their hands together.

       "Never gets any easier does it?" Daryl asked.

       "No. Sometimes when you`re so busy killing the walkers, you never really notice if they have any scars. Maybe you don`t want to notice."

       Daryl stood up. "When it was happenin` to me, all I wanted to do was die." He looked at Jesus and saw him wipe away a tear. "They ain`t feelin` it no more."

       "I know." He noticed Daryl trying to blink away tears as well. "We still feel it. The strike on the back. The slash across the shoulders. The broken bones. The bruises." Jesus felt comfortable opening up about his childhood to Daryl. There were understanding looks between the both of them.

       Daryl opened up the driver`s side of the Jeep. The key was still in the ignition. "Let`s open it up." He pulled the lever to release the hood. Jesus went around and lifted up the hood, not wanting Daryl to strain himself too much. Daryl made a quick inspection. "Looks good. Battery is probably dead. Let`s look around some more."

       They checked every vehicle and took what they could scavenge and loaded up the small car. As an afterthought they burned the bodies of the two walker children.

       "Maisie has a battery charger. Someone can bring it out here tomorrow," Jesus said as they slowly walked back to the car.

       "Feels good to get out. I`ll be real pissed if I pulled out them damn stitches." Daryl lit up a cigarette from a pack he had found.

       "You have me to protect you."

       Daryl emitted one of his dismissive hisses. "The day I need protection from you will be the day I`ll put you up a damn tree."

       "Just like the time you and Rick wanted to?"

       Daryl glared at him then pointed at him, cigarette in hand. "You mean to tell me you weren`t unconscious all that time?"

       "If I was, I`d be dead. Besides I enjoyed laying my head on your shoulder. Until you got all rude and pissed off." Jesus smirked at him.

       Daryl growled, "Get in and drive. It`s gettin` dark." They both got back in the car. Both sat in silence for a long time not really looking at anything.

       Jesus slowly looked up at Daryl. "I want us to be more than friends. Both of us have a lot of shit in our past. Maybe we can be of benefit to each other. Did you ever think of that?"

       Daryl took a moment, then he looked at Jesus. "Maybe it crossed my mind a time or two."

       Jesus put the key into the ignition and started the car. He glanced at the setting sun. His voice was quiet. "Daryl, I think I love you."

 

 

**PAUL**

 

**Part 1**

 

**_1980_  
**

 

        _A hand reached over and turned up the volume of the radio as 'Sole Survivor' by Blue Oyster Cult blared through the speakers. Another hand reached over and turned the music down._

        _"Max, you`ll wake up Paul."_

        _"Oh, come on, don`t you like a bit of the BOC, Deirdre?"_

        _Deirdre peered into the back seat of the car at her young son, who would be turning four in a few months. The volume didn`t seem to bother him since he was fast asleep. It was night and the bright lights of Richmond, Virginia were streaked as the Rovias drove into an oncoming rainstorm._

_"Slow down, Max."_

_"Jesus, Deirdre, maybe you should do the driving." The traffic light in front of him switched from green to yellow to red. They waited fascinated by the lightning that was flashing above them. "Looks like we`re in for a good one tonight."_

_"I just want to get home and put Paul to bed. He was so hyper today. I wonder if something is wrong with him." Deirdre was always anxious about a lot of things, especially her young son._

_"He`s an active and energetic child. Why does that have to mean that something is wrong with him? Maybe becoming a mother wasn`t the best decision to make." Max kept his eye on the stoplight._

_"It would help me if you`d be around more often. I sometimes feel like I`m raising him by myself." Deirdre felt nothing but disgust towards her husband`s attitude._

_"You try and hold down two jobs. You could always go back into the work force, you know."_

_"Most of that would go for daycare for Paul. Waste of money if you ask me." She fumbled with the zipper on her purse and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. The light turned green just as she lit up._

_"Roll down the window if you`re going to smoke." It took a couple seconds for the light change to register in Max`s brain and as soon as it did his foot pressed down hard on the gas pedal._

_On his left an SUV going 60 miles per hour ran the red light and smashed directly into his car causing it to slide on the wet pavement and strike a light pole. It wrapped around the pole like a tilt-a-whirl gone mad. The SUV lay nearby on its side. Traffic stopped and at that point someone shouted to call 911. A woman came up to the wreckage and a horrified look came over her face as she saw the bloodied and smashed corpses of the driver and the passenger. There was some movement and through the broken rear window a small boy crawled out. He seemed to have sustained no injuries. Young Paul Rovia stood there and stared at the wreckage as the rain started to pour down even harder, the myriad of lights reflecting off of his face as sirens could be heard in the distance._

_*****_

_"Max was your brother, Luke. We should at least raise his kid," Haley Rovia said to her husband as they waited for their appointment with social services._

_"You and I agreed not to have kids for a reason. I refuse to put a child in a world where Ronald Reagan might be president."_

_"All the more reason to take Paul into our home. The law says we might have no choice."_

_The door to the office area opened. "Mr. and Mrs. Luke Rovia?" the woman asked. They stood up. "Angela will see you now." They were guided to a small office near the back located inconspicuously amongst a jungle of wall dividers and cubicles. A rather large black woman sat behind a desk with files, notes, and other paperwork scattered about its top._

_"Sit down," she said to the Rovias. "My name is Angela and I`ll be your case worker."_

_"We`re not sure if we want to have a child of Paul`s age in our home," Luke said. "Haley and I have already made the conscious decision not to have any children. We both have busy careers and we`re not sure if we would even have time to give him the attention he needs."_

_Angela sighed. So much for the amenities. "Mr. Rovia, since you are Paul`s closest living relatives the law says you have to take him in. If you feel that later on you can`t take care of his needs, there are other options. But for now, you have to take him in."_

_"Come on, Luke, let`s at least give him a chance," Haley said._

_After talking with Angela and filling out some forms they were led to a small room at the end of a hallway. Young Paul was playing with a series of toys called Transformers. He took one of them and smashed it with another before throwing them across the room and cheering._

_"Already learning how to be violent," Luke said._

_"Luke, he`s just a child," Haley said. She went over to him. "Paul, remember me, your Aunt Haley?"_

_Paul looked at her as if she was an alien from another planet. He had rarely seen his aunt and uncle. "No," he finally said after a pause._

_Luke looked down at the boy with an expression of disdain. "You`re going to be a difficult one. I can see that already."_

 

**_1984_ **

 

_The Woolworth`s dime store may have been past its heyday, but it still held a fascination for children and adults of all ages. It was also a chance for seven-year-old Paul Rovia to try out his newly acquired shoplifting skills. Even though his Aunt Haley was willing to buy toys for him, his Uncle Luke always shot her down and he would wind up with nothing. That would not do in Paul`s world. If he wanted a toy he would get it. He now reached up and grabbed an orange squirt gun and tucked it in his pants underneath his t-shirt. It was only a cheap squirt gun. Surely his Uncle Luke wouldn`t mind, especially since he was unwilling to put out the money to pay for it. Slowly Paul walked down the aisle pretending to look at some other toys. He grabbed a rubber snake and tucked it into his pocket. The clerk who monitored the aisles was looking the other way. He had learned this trick early on. Being observant was a talent that seemed to come natural to him. Never getting caught. That was the ultimate goal. He suddenly looked up at the sound of someone clearing his throat._

_"Alright, Paul. Hand them over." Paul reached under his shirt and handed the store`s manager the squirt gun. "And the snake." He reached into his pocket, took out the snake, and threw it on the floor. He would have to be more observant in the future. "My office now, Paul. We`re going to call your aunt and uncle this time."_

_*****_

_"What did I tell you, Haley, the child is unruly and uncontrollable," a pacing Luke said as they waited in the store manager`s office. Paul sat nearby his head hanging as he heard their words. "You`re nothing but a little thief."_

_"Luke, don`t yell at him like that."_

_Luke came over to Paul and grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him. "How many times is this? You`ll deserve it if he throws you out."_

_The door opened and the manager and a police officer entered. For the first time there was fear in Paul`s eyes._

_"This is Officer White, Paul. He wants to talk to you," the manager said._

_The police officer went directly over to him and knelt down. "How old are you, son?" he asked gently._

_"Seven."_

_"That`s old enough to know that stealing is wrong. Did you know you were stealing toys, Paul?" Paul sat there for a few moments, then nodded. "Why did you take the toys?"_

_"Because he won`t get them for me," Paul said angrily pointing a finger at his uncle. "He says he doesn`t have the money, but he does. He`s a liar."_

_"You`re pretty smart for a seven-year-old," the officer said._

_"He`s in the gifted class at school," Haley said. "Paul has the intelligence of a ten-year-old."_

_The officer looked directly at Paul. "The manager has told me this isn`t the first time he`s caught you. He tells me you won`t be able to come here anymore."_

_Paul looked clearly upset. He looked directly at the manager. "I`m sorry."_

_"Yes, you most certainly are," the manager said._

_After a brief conversation the Rovias left the office, Luke practically dragging Paul out to the car._

_"You`re nothing but an embarrassment, Paul," he said tossing him into the back seat. He looked at Haley. "I think it`s time we considered those 'other options' that social worker talked about."_

_"Luke--."_

_"No, Haley. No more excuses. He steals. He breaks things. He talks back. He acts up. Our home is no longer a peaceful place. Tomorrow we go make another appointment." He put the key in the ignition and started the car._

_In the backseat Paul took out several pieces of candy he had lifted from the store. A look of pure hatred was directed at his Uncle Luke._

_*****_

_All Paul wanted to do was block out the shouting between his aunt and uncle as he tried to read a book about Harry Houdini. Deep inside, he wished he could escape as easily as the famed escape artist, but for now he was stuck in his room. His Uncle Luke had sent him there without eating the evening meal so he had to rely on a candy bar he had taken the day before when he accompanied his aunt on her weekly grocery shopping. Finally he threw down the book and placed the pillow over his ears._

_Downstairs Haley poured herself a steep glass of whiskey as she sat at their small living room bar._

_"Oh no you don`t," Luke said grabbing the glass from her and dumping it in the small sink. "You`ve had too much to drink already. How much is it today?"_

_"Asshole," she slurred. She kicked him in the groin. He bent over slightly._

_"You bitch." Luke recovered and slapped her hard across the face._

_She got up and threw the whiskey bottle at him, the liquid splashing all over him. He then picked up an ashtray and smashed it over her head. Blood ran down the sides of her face. He smacked her once again. Haley tried to get away by running up the stairs. She was halfway up when he grabbed her and threw her back down._

_Paul opened the door of his bedroom a crack when he heard the commotion. He watched as his uncle headed in the direction of the kitchen and went out the backdoor. He quickly left his room and ran down the stairs. His aunt lay on the floor at the bottom groaning._

_"Aunt Haley?"_

_"Paul," she said weakly. "Go back to your room. You`ll be safe there. You don`t want to get hit again do you?"_

_"He shouldn`t hit you either." He helped her to stand. "Can I get you anything?"_

_"Just let me sit down." Haley sat for a moment trying to gather her strength. She looked at Paul and smiled. "You`re too nice a kid to stay here with us."_

_"I thought he killed you. Bastard."_

_"You shouldn`t say words like that, Paul. Do you learn that stuff at school?"_

_Paul was ready to reply until he heard the backdoor slam again. His uncle had returned. He was carrying a wooden leg from an old dining chair._

_"Go back to your room." His uncle slapped the chair leg on his palm several times._

_"No," Paul said standing his ground._

_Luke pointed the chair leg at him. "As soon as I`m done with her, it`s your turn. Now step aside."_

_"No."_

_"Please go, Paul. Please," Haley said._

_"No."_

_Luke smashed the leg on the back of a chair. "Alright, brat, have it your way." He raised the chair leg. Paul put up his arm to protect himself and when the leg struck his arm he could feel his bone break._

_"Luke, stop it!" Haley pleaded as she watched him hit the boy again and again. "Stop it." She started to sob and scream._

**_*_ **

_Paul sat in the hospital emergency room his arm in a sling and cast, still shaking from the beating he had just received. There were bruises on his forehead and face as well as a couple gashes and he could feel his ribs hurting. The murmur of voices outside the room sounded comforting to him. He wished he knew what they were talking about. He looked up when he heard someone enter the room. It was Angela from the social welfare office._

_"Paul, are you in a lot of pain?" she asked kindly. He nodded. "Do you want to go back home?" He shook his head from side to side._

_"You don`t have to. We`re putting you into foster care for two to three months until we can process some paperwork."_

_"Is my Aunt Haley okay?" he asked in a soft hoarse voice._

_"She received some medical treatment and is going home. The police are talking to your Uncle Luke at the station." She helped him down off the table._

_"Can I see her?"_

_"I`m sorry. Not at this time." She escorted him out of the room. Outside there was a tall lean man with well-muscled arms. "This is Jason Ames. You will be going to his home with his wife and two sons. This is Paul."_

_"Hi, Paul," Jason said. His voice was strong and friendly. He nodded his thanks to Angela._

_"We`ll talk some more at some other time, Paul," Angela said and left._

_Jason knelt down to Paul`s height. "Do you like ice cream?" he asked. Paul hesitated then nodded. "Good."_

 

**The Present**

 

       "This is positively yummy," Jesus said as he ate some more of Ms. Maitlin`s cherry pie.

       "You sure feed your face a like a pig," Daryl said as he sat across from him at the picnic table. Jesus just gave him a sour look and kept on eating. It was the weekly community meal at Hilltop, a new tradition that Maggie was trying to establish to help create unity. Rick, Michonne, and Aaron had stayed a couple days as their guests.

       "Is there any way to send some pies to Alexandria?" Rick asked, digging into his slice with enthusiasm. "The only thing missing is whipped cream."

       Suddenly a small bowl of whipped cream was set down in front of him. He looked up and saw Enid grinning at him. "Just like magic," she said.

       "This is the real stuff ain`t it? Not that fake shit, right?" Rick asked with his mouth full.

       "From our own cow," Maggie said.

       "So you do these community meals once a week?" Michonne asked.

       "Yeah. It`s potluck. During the warm days like this we eat outside. On rainy and cold days inside Barrington House. It brings a sense of unity, makes us strong," Maggie said. She watched as Jesus reached over and clasped Daryl`s hand. They held them for a few seconds before letting go. Daryl had an uncertain look on his face as if the action seemed a bit awkward to him. She noticed Aaron give him a slight nod.

       "Deanna had faith in you," Rick said. "Glad to see she was proven right." He had also noticed the gesture between Daryl and Jesus. Daryl quickly turned away from looking at anyone before going back to concentrating on his meal.

       "I`m happy the three of you could stay for it," Maggie noticed that Jesus was just as awkward-looking and had seen Aaron nod at Daryl.

       "I just wish the reasons were better. It`s getting tiresome interrogating Saviors," Rick said. "But we mange to glean information from them all the time." He looked at Daryl. "I think he`s stewed long enough. Do you want to do most of the questioning tomorrow?"

       "Yeah, he`ll be less likely to talk shit to me," Daryl said. This also plagued Daryl`s mind, him personally knowing the prisoner from before the walkers. At least it would give him something to concentrate on, distract him from the feelings he was afraid were working themselves to the forefront of his conscious mind. His eyes and Jesus`s eyes met for a brief moment before they looked back down.

                                                                        *****

Aaron was bunking with one of the other residents while Rick and Michonne had been given an empty room in Barrington House. They were in Daryl`s room as Jesus helped Daryl adjust his pillows. They could tell that Daryl had been somewhat worn out by the day`s activities.

       "I hate the idea of having to torture him since you know him," Rick said. "But we may have to."

       "To think he`s a damn Savior really sticks," Daryl said. "I watched him grow up from a baby. His mom and I were good friends. She got bit by a walker."

       "That might help getting him to talk," Michonne said. "Playing the sympathy factor."  

       Rick sighed. "Let`s think more about this in the morning. Let Daryl get some rest. Good night." There was a round of 'good nights' as he and Michonne left.

       "There. Comfy?" Jesus asked.

       "'Comfy'? You tryin` to be cutesy?" Daryl asked gruffly.

       "No."

       "'Comfy'? Shit."

       Jesus leaned over Daryl`s chest to adjust the pillow behind his head. "You know you`re liking all of this."

       Daryl grasped Jesus`s arm to stop it from moving about. He pulled Jesus towards him. Their faces were now close. He leaned forward slightly, then turned away, loosening his grasp.

       "Is something wrong, Daryl?" Jesus asked softly.

       "I don`t know." He adjusted his position and closed his eyes.

       For a moment Jesus had hopes, but he realized that maybe Daryl just needed more time. "I`ll say goodnight then." Daryl didn`t reply so Jesus just turned off the light and left the room, closing the door behind him.

                                                                       *****

       Daryl paced back and forth not taking his eyes off of Denny, the mixture of anger and disappointment being at the crux of his emotions. Jesus and Michonne were standing guard behind Denny and Rick stood and just watched. The cumulus clouds above them in the field behind the fence where they stood floated by, the past and present now flowing in and out and becoming one with the shadows and sunlight.

       "You know what happened to your mom?" Daryl asked as he gestured with his knife at the boy. "She got bit and she turned. I had to put her down."

       "I was with my pa."

       "Yeah, the no good deadbeat son-of-a-bitch. Is he still alive?"

       "No." The still tied up Denny slumped to the ground.

       "He probably deserved it." Daryl got in the kid`s face. "You expect sympathy from me? Screw you. You gettin` mixed up with Negan? Makes you a piece of shit." He paced back and forth again, exchanging a look with Rick, then Michonne, then with Jesus. "Your grandpa put up a fight. He tried to save your mom. He died defendin` your family." The anger in Daryl`s voice made the boy wince slightly.

       "Who was Negan to you before you joined the Saviors?" Rick asked.

       "Nobody really. He was a gym teacher at the high school. I was with some friends when he found us."

       "What happened to your friends?" Michonne asked.

       "They`re all dead. One got killed for raping a girl. He wanted me to participate."

       "Did you?" Daryl asked.

       "I wanted to, but I didn`t. Uncle Daryl, tell them..."

       "I ain`t tellin` them nothin`," Daryl said getting into Denny`s face. "You thinkin` about rapin` somebody?" Daryl kicked him hard in the side. "No more of this 'Uncle Daryl' crap. I don`t claim you no more." He had told no one of the incident with the prostitute. He knew what it was after his mind cleared somewhat after it happened. It had stuck with him throughout the years and would always be a sensitive subject with him, no matter the circumstances or the people involved.

       Rick came over and knelt down beside him. "Where`s Negan? Where`s he hiding out?"

       "I don`t know," Denny replied. Daryl kicked him again knocking him over.

       "Did you come from an outpost or directly from the Sanctuary?" Rick asked.

       "I`m not supposed to say." Denny struggled back up into a sitting position.

       Daryl got down in his face and pressed the knife against his throat. "You will say." Denny winced slightly under Daryl`s stare.

       "An outpost. North of here."

       "How many?" Jesus asked. Denny didn`t answer.

       "How many?" Daryl asked with more emphasis.

       "About thirty or forty, I guess. I`m thirsty. Can I have some water?"

       "Nah," Daryl replied harshly as he stood back up.

       "Are they making plans to attack Alexandria, Hilltop, or The Kingdom?" Rick asked.

       "I don`t know. I just go where they tell me," Denny said starting to cry.

       Daryl let another kick fly and knocked Denny over causing him to roll a couple times. "I`m done with this sack of Negan shit trash." He looked at Rick. "We gotta find that outpost. Take it out whether they`re plannin` an attack or not."

       "We will," Rick said. "Now we have to figure out what to do with him."

       "Stick a knife in him and roll him down the hill. Let the walkers have him," Daryl said.

       "No, please." Denny paused. "There was this man. Dwight. He talked to some about betraying Negan."

       "How did you hear about that?" Michonne asked.

       "Just talk. He didn`t speak to everybody, just those in charge."

       "Are there some who want to betray him?" Jesus asked.

       "Yeah. We`re all too scared to talk about it." He looked at Daryl. "I can change. Please, you know me."

       "Put him back in the tank," Rick said. He clapped Daryl on the shoulder and they walked back to the other side of the fence.

       "We goin` on a raid?" Daryl asked.

       "Who said 'we'? You`re not going anywhere." Daryl looked at him with a look of disbelief. "You`re still in stitches. I`m not taking any chances."

       "I can ride. I can still fight."

       "No one`s saying you can`t. Those stitches come out you will start bleeding again. You`ve been cut open twice already." Rick paused. "There won`t be a raid just yet. If they don`t know we have the kid, they won`t try anything." He put his hands on Daryl`s shoulders to try and reassure him.

                                                                      *****

       Daryl had become worked up from the interrogation so Jesus let Rick and Michonne use his trailer to give him time to calm down. Rick set a glass of water down in front of him and placed his hand on Daryl`s back for a moment. "Relax, Daryl. It`s over."

       "I can`t believe it`s the same person I once knew," Daryl said as he took a sip. He craved a cigarette, but the pack was in his room in Barrington House.

       "You know how this world changes people," Rick said.

       "His mom and I practically grew up together. She--knew a lot of things about me. Was my good friend. I had to put her down when she died."

       "And he blames you for it?" Michonne asked.

       Daryl snorted. "I don`t know what he blames me for. Probably nothin`. I didn`t kill her. I gave her mercy."

       "He said he was with his father and that`s how he got mixed up with Negan," Rick said. "They must have lived in the same town Negan came from."     

       "His father was a cowardly piece of shit. I never understood why Jeannie married him. Hell, if things would have been different..." Daryl couldn`t finish. He closed his eyes at the memory of the conversation between him and Jeannie at the time of her divorce.

       "Go on, Daryl," Michonne said gently reaching over and grasping his hand. "Talk to us."

       "She said she was in love with me. Would have married me, if you believe that. But it would never have been possible." He hesitated, uncertain how to express such deeply personal thoughts.

       Michonne got up and knelt down beside him. "We`re your friends, Daryl. Your family. It`s okay."

       Daryl wiped away a couple tears. Rick moved around the table and sat in the chair across from him and leaned over. "We know, Daryl," he simply said.

       Daryl knew what he meant. "How?" he asked almost inaudibly.

       "Hershel," Rick said. "You know how he could figure people out like a book."

       "I figured it out on my own," Michonne said. "I knew a lot of gay men in the arts."

       Daryl closed his eyes, then he smiled slightly. "Wish there was somethin` stronger to drink than water in here."

       Rick and Michonne burst into laughter. Rick looked at Daryl. "Feel better now?"

       "Yeah. I do." Michonne gave him a tight hug.

       "We`ll figure out what to do with him. Maybe he can turn around," Rick said. 

       "Negan got to him early. His dad was a bum. I ain`t so sure," Daryl said the doubt in his voice apparent.

       There was a soft knock and Jesus came in. "I can go if you`re still talking."

       "We`re done here," Rick said. He looked at Michonne, who was looking at Jesus. He noticed Daryl looking at him as well. Then he saw a slight smiled on Michonne`s face. Maybe he would have to ask her later what she was thinking at that moment.

                                                                       *****

The day after Rick, Michonne, and Aaron left, Daryl decided to check out the two retrofitted vehicles they had brought. He also noticed that the Jeep Liberty hand been brought to the back so in order to keep busy and not doing too strenuous physical activity he decided to help Maisie the mechanic tune up its engine. He wore a sleeveless t-shirt, which was now covered in grease, as he leaned over, cigarette dangling from his mouth, and adjusted some hoses. Maisie stood off to one side admiring the well-muscled arms.

       "Lot of corrosion on the tips," Daryl said. "Might have to go back to the car jam and do some scavenging."

       "I know what to look for," Maisie said. "I`ll organize a small group."

       They were both distracted by someone giving a loud 'huah!'. When Daryl looked up he saw Jesus in his workout clothes going through an elaborate martial arts warm-up routine. His hair was tied up in a bun so it was not in the way. Daryl couldn`t take his eyes off of him.

       "Kata, right?" he asked.

       "He comes out to that spot every day and works out," Maisie said. She couldn`t help notice how Daryl was riveted at watching the routine. Even the sound of the small back gate opening and closing didn`t distract him.

       "How`s it coming?" Maggie asked. "Can it be fixed?" She was looking at Daryl, but he didn`t seem to hear her.

       "We think so," Maisie said.

       Daryl shook his head as if coming out of a daze. "Oh hey, Maggie. I didn`t hear you come out." He put out his cigarette.

       "You were--preoccupied," Maggie said her eyes laughing.

       Daryl`s attention was once again on watching Jesus.

       "I think we`re done for the day," Maisie said. "Nothing more we can do until we salvage the parts." She closed the hood with a slam, but Daryl didn`t seem to notice.

       Jesus went on for a full ten minutes before stopping, the sweat dripping from his soaked clothing. He noticed them standing by the vehicles and came over to them. "Going to be another hot one today." His eyes locked on Daryl. "You`re a mess." He dipped a can in a nearby rain barrel and cooled himself off, the wet t-shirt now clinging to his torso.

       "That`s our dirty Daryl," Maggie said jokingly.

       "You ain`t Miss Universe yourself," Daryl said.

       Jesus looked at him with a puckish expression. "That`s not what your eyes are telling me."

       Maggie and Maisie exchanged knowing smiles on the verge of giggling.

       "My mouth is telling you to shut up."

       "My eyes are telling me you need a bath. You do know your way to the outdoor wash-house, right?" Jesus splashed some water on Daryl.

       "The way you sweat means you smell like a locker room." Daryl dipped his hand in some grease and smeared it on Jesus`s face.

       "I`ve had a lot of great views in the locker room."

       Maggie and Maisie could no longer contain their laughter.

       "Now you need to go to the outdoor wash-house," Daryl said.

       "You`re the dirtiest, you go first." Jesus motioned for Daryl to walk in front of him.

       Daryl wiped his hands on a rag and went over to the gate. He held it open as he waited for Jesus. "You comin`?"

       "Hopefully soon," Jesus said licking his lips. He and Daryl exchanged knowing looks as they went through the gate.

       "Are those two in love or what?" Maisie asked.

       "Daryl`s slowly coming around," Maggie said. "I predict any day now."

 

_**1984** _

 

_"Hang on, just hang on," Jason said to Paul as he played tug-o-war with the dog with his good arm. The dog was a golden retriever and Paul had taken to him immediately. It pulled hard and Paul let go of the rope laughing. He had only been there for a week and he felt at home. The bruises on his face were fading and his broken arm had stopped hurting._

_"What are all of those?" Paul asked as he looked at the wall of the downstairs rec room. "They look like stars."_

_"They`re called ninja stars."_

_"What`s a ninja?"_

_"Someone who knows how to fight."_

_Paul looked at another wall. "How come you have all these knives and swords?"_

_"You like those kind of things, huh?" Paul nodded. "I just like to collect them."_

_Paul went over to a photograph. It was a picture of a man that looked like he was wearing pajamas with a black belt around his waist posing in a strange sort of stance. "Is that you?"_

_"That`s me when I got my black belt in karate."_

_"Like in the movie, 'The Karate Kid'. I thought that was cool."_

_Jason laughed. "Paul, do you like it here?"_

_Paul hesitated then nodded. He had grown to like Mr. Ames, whom he now called Jason. "I just wish I could stay here forever."_

_"Wendy and the boys and I would love to have you. But the decision rests with your aunt and uncle." Jason eyed Paul worriedly as he knew the child was now caught in the system of never ending other-party decisions of which he had no control._

_"Why? They don`t even like me. My Uncle Luke doesn`t. Aunt Haley drinks booze all the time and he beats up on her." Paul wasn`t sure if he dreaded the fact that he might have to go back or go someplace worse if Wendy and Jason were not allowed to take him in._

_"You`ve seen a lot of that I take it. Well, there`s none of that here, Paul. As long as you are here we want you to be happy." Jason smiled hoping to reassure the boy._

_"Will you show me some karate? And tell me about your knives and ninjas?"_

_Jason laughed. "Anything and everything you want to know. I`ll even teach you a few simple moves."_

_*****_

_"He`s a sweet caring boy if someone would just give him a little love," Wendy Ames said to her husband as they prepared that evening`s meal in the kitchen._

_"You didn`t see him when he was in the hospital. He couldn`t even cry he was so traumatized. He still hasn`t. Tends to hold things in."_

_Wendy slowly prepared the salad. "Is it true his aunt and uncle are trying to put him in a group home?"_

_"I`m afraid so. They`re just waiting for an opening. They claim he can`t get along with others. He`s constantly in trouble at school. He shoplifts toys and candy. He`s constantly needing discipline. Sometimes he refuses to eat or go to bed. Has tendency towards violence," Jason said. "You read the file."_

_"We haven`t had any problems with him like that here. I took him to the grocery store with me a couple days ago. Watched him closely. He didn`t steal a thing."_

_Jason washed some carrots under the faucet. "Like you said. All he needs is a little love. I can put in a request with social services, but I`m afraid it would only go through if he had no living relatives at all. He`s caught in the system. Never a good place to be."_

_Wendy sighed. "I always wonder what becomes of someone like him."_

_"I can encourage whatever group home he`s placed in to develop his interests. He loved the rec room, the ninja stars and knives. Things like that have a history. And the martial arts. He seems to have an interest in that."_

_They looked out the window to watch the three boys at play. It was a warm day for late autumn, the winter winds of November would soon be upon them._

_"I`m glad Jacob and Anthony have taken to him so quickly. You`d think they were brothers." Jason came up beside her and put his arm around her. "It`s going to be so hard when he has to go away."_

 

**The Present**

 

       "I`ve heard horror stories about them group homes," Daryl said to Jesus as they sat on top of the old rusty car that had just been put under the huge old white oak tree outside the fence.

       "This one could have been straight out of one. Ironically enough its address was on Elm Street." Jesus paused. "My best time as a child was when I was in a foster home for a little over two months. I was almost eight and had a broken arm and bruises from my Uncle Luke."

       "How come you couldn`t stay?" Daryl blew out a long stream of cigarette smoke. Jesus couldn`t believe how sexy he looked with his hand resting on top of his bent knee.

       "The way the system was set up. As long as I had living relatives, no matter how incompetent, they made the decisions." Jesus leaned over and poured himself some more coffee from the thermos they had brought with them. "More?"

       "Yeah." Daryl handed him his mug. "There weren`t no social workers where I lived. My father beat the shit out of me."

       "I thought that`s where the scars came from. I didn`t want to say anything when I saw them." Jesus lifted up his shirt and turned his back to Daryl. "I have a couple myself courtesy of Uncle Luke. He liked to hit my Aunt Haley and me with the wooden leg off an old chair. That`s when he broke my arm." He returned his shirt to normal and handed Daryl the coffee mug.

       Daryl sat silent, contemplating how both managed to survive their childhoods. "What they tried to do was break our spirits," he said softly.

       The look of sadness was on both of their faces as the memories flooded in, memories of pain and suffering, of being alone and being afraid.

       "And they failed." Jesus smiled slightly. Daryl nodded in response. "I think it`s what toughened us up, Daryl, but I`m not sure it really prepared us for a lot of things that have happened; or helped us make wiser decisions."

       "I guess we`re both guilty." Negan bashing in the heads of Abraham and Glenn flashed through Daryl`s mind. "I shouldn`t have punched Negan. I know Maggie says it ain`t my fault..." He couldn`t finish as tears rolled down his cheeks.

       "I can never forgive myself for Sasha, either. Maybe even Abraham and Glenn. I led you to the Saviors when I should have known better." Jesus bent over and covered his face with his hands.

       "Any idea how many there were?" Daryl asked.

       Jesus shook his head. "No. When I first saw Negan he had only a few with him. He built up his numbers fast, set up more outposts than I could possibly imagine." He looked directly at Daryl. "And he could have killed you in that prison."

       "Is that why you stayed?"

       Jesus nodded. "There was a part of me that couldn`t bear leaving you behind."

      Daryl reached over and wiped away the tears on Jesus`s face. "We got past growin` up. Maybe we can get past this." Both of them seemed to know what haunted them would most likely stay with them forever.

      Jesus took Daryl`s hand and squeezed it. "We`re going to have to, Daryl. We honor them to keep fighting on. Maybe that`s the only way."

      "We fight. We win."

      The sun was low in the sky, its bright orange rays filtered by the low overhanging tree branches. They both sat in silence as they admired the colors.

      "There`s supposed to be a full moon tonight. Want to stay out here and watch it rise?" Jesus asked.

      Daryl wiped up his face. "Yeah." He could feel the stirrings of desire inside him whirl around like a vortex. They were so strong he knew his control over them was waning.

      Jesus looked deeply into Daryl`s eyes. "Daryl, I--."

      "Sshh. You don`t need to say nothin`." Daryl got down off the car and walked closer to the trunk of the tree. It was an old tree, the branches seeming to reach out as far as they could into the world and grasp it to take it for its own. The rays of orange sunlight and the shadows of tree branches made him look soft and dark at the same time. 

       Jesus got down from the car and stood next to him. The sun was dim enough that they could look at it with their naked eyes. "I`ve always loved sunsets. Some of the most beautiful are seen from this spot. The clouds are just right."

       "Like the sky is on fire and the smoke." Daryl reached over and clasped Jesus`s hand. "It ain`t the only fire." He turned his head to look directly at Jesus.

       Jesus slowly turned to face him. They moved closer together, their bodies touching. Daryl ran his hands through Jesus`s hair and down along his back, resting just above the cheeks of his buttocks. Jesus reached up and gently grasped the sides of Daryl`s face. They touched their foreheads to each other for a few seconds before Daryl bowed his head and slowly pulled Jesus towards him and their lips touched ever so lightly at first. They both sighed and the kiss grew in its intensity as their arms embraced each other, hands exploring and caressing. Their embrace was tight and intimate, only wanting to hold each other as their lips and tongues increased their excitement.

       Jesus buried his face in Daryl`s chest. "You are so beautiful to me, Daryl. It`s as if my pain is also yours, and yours, mine." In that moment he realized that Maggie was right about getting close to someone. Without realizing it, he had gotten to know Daryl as he helped him with his convalescence. 

       Daryl kissed the top of Jesus`s head. "All the shit I went through. And now this." Daryl had felt he had gotten to know Jesus better as well, realizing what a real friend he was, and now even more than a friend. 

       Even though Jesus was a physically strong person, being in Daryl`s arms gave him a feeling of comfort he had only felt briefly in his life. "It`s ironic how our personal nightmares happened before the world went to hell. And now in that hell, we find our happiest dream."

       They held each other in this way for the longest time before exchanging another deep warm kiss.

       Daryl suddenly winced in pain, clutching his side. "Ow. I don`t know what`s worse, the itchin` or those little throbs. Can`t scratch it or nothin`."

       "That`s a good sign. You`re healing."

       "Just wish I`d heal faster." Daryl`s voice was so low and quiet, reflecting the peacefulness he felt inside of him at that moment.

       They kissed again not wanting to let go of the moment. Jesus rested his head on Daryl`s shoulder. The sun dipped low in the sky and was soon out of sight. In the opposite direction they could see the edge of the full moon beginning to rise. "At least we can walk back in the moonlight," Jesus said, sighing. 

       They went back over to the rusty car and slung their weapons across their backs. Jesus tucked the mugs and thermos in a bag. As the bright moon slowly rose into the sky, they held hands on their leisurely walk towards the fences of Hilltop, neither wanting to forget one of the most romantic moments of their lives. In Daryl`s mind, lightning had struck, just as Aaron said it would.

                                                                       *****

"You sure got in a bit late last night," Maggie said to Daryl that next morning when she brought him his breakfast.

       "Paul and I had a lot to talk about," he said as she took his blood pressure.

       "The doctor is coming over from The Kingdom today to look you over isn`t she?"

       "Yeah." Daryl eagerly dug into the food.

       She realized Daryl wasn`t in a talking mood that morning, not because he was in one of his bad moods, but more of his thinking moods. "Well, I`ll let you eat in peace." She paused. "I hope you and Jesus had a nice conversation."

       Daryl looked up at her, unsure if he should reveal anything to someone else just yet. "Yeah. And other things."

       "Other things." Maggie wrinkled her head wondering what he meant by that statement. In the hallway she saw Jesus and Enid nearly collide with each other.

       "Sorry, my head must be in the clouds this morning," Jesus said smiling.

       "That`s okay. I know the feeling," Enid said and went on her way.

       "Good morning," Maggie said to him. "I just took in Daryl`s breakfast. You`re up and around early."

       "I want to make sure Daryl is ready for when the doctor comes."

       "And that`s all?"

       "Yeah, that`s all. For now." Jesus was being deliberately evasive, but his smile betrayed the fact that something had changed in his life, for the better. "Well, I better go get him some clean clothes and help him dress." Without another word he left.

       "What is going on between those two?" Enid whispered to Maggie as she prepared to go downstairs.

       "You noticed that, too, huh? Come on, I need to rest my back for a bit. Baby Rhee is kicking field goals this morning."

       Enid headed downstairs. Maggie glanced down the hallway and watched Jesus enter Daryl`s room. Since his hands were full Daryl was holding the door for him. That`s when she saw them exchange a quick kiss. She nodded her head. "Other things."

                                                                      *****

       Rick had come over from Alexandria and when the doctor arrived from The Kingdom she had brought along a special friend. They watched as Daryl and Carol exchanged a warm hug.

       "I was out on a long range scavenging run," Carol said. "When I got back Zeke filled me in."

       "Doin` a lot better now," Daryl said. Carol noticed him looking past her and winking at someone. When she turned around to see who it was she saw Jesus winking back at him.

       "I was real worried for a while. Jesus has the knife that did it," Rick said.

       "I`ll show it to you later," Jesus said.

       The doctor entered the room carrying her bag. "I see everyone is assembled," she said somewhat jokingly.

       "Want us to give you some privacy?" Rick asked.

       "Nah. You can stay," Daryl said. He knew how concerned everyone in the room had been. To shut them out was the wrong thing to do. They were his family. They had the right to know. He shifted his position and loosened his clothing over the injured area.

       The doctor carefully removed the bandage to expose the incision. "Looks good. No signs of infection at all. I think the second time going in was the best thing that happened." She poked around the stitches. "Hurt?"

       "A little. Itches like hell," Daryl said.

       The doctor nodded. "Don`t scratch."

       "I haven`t been," Daryl said with obvious irritation. Rick, Carol, and Jesus exchanged knowing grins. Daryl was feeling better. He was getting back to his usual pissed-off-at-the-world self.

       The doctor continued her examination in silence for a few moments. "Good news and bad news. The good news is I can remove some of them. The bad news is, the deeper ones will have to remain in place for a bit longer. I can put new ones in to relieve the itching." She inspected the bandage she had just removed. "Still some staining so there`s still drainage. Not a lot so that`s good." She looked directly at Daryl. "I still want you to take it a bit easy, but I`m glad you`re getting some mild exercise. Overall the prognosis looks good. There was a lot of tissue damage so there will be quite a scar for a long time. How`s your appetite?"

       "Real good."

       "Eats like a pig," Jesus said under his breath. Daryl had heard him and flashed a look in his direction. They exchanged eye contact only the two of them could detect and understand.

       "Keep up with the fruits and vegetables. More grains and especially protein. As for bathing you can continue with the showers. The incision can get wet but no soaking. Let`s head on over to the medical trailer."

       Since the doctor only wanted her nurse present for the next phase, Jesus invited Rick and Carol over to his trailer for some coffee and Enid`s cinnamon rolls. That was when he showed Carol the knife.

       "On the way over here, the doctor told me if you had brought him in five or ten minutes later, he wouldn`t have had any chance of making it," Carol said softly as she turned it over in her hands.

       "The teeth are arranged like the jaws of a shark. Each individual tooth has tiny serrated edges. I`ve never seen the like before or anything similar," Jesus said. "That`s why this injury is taking so long to heal."

       "That knife should be melted down," Rick said. "I wouldn`t want it to get into the wrong hands and have it used again on anyone."

       "I`ve decided to let Daryl choose what should be done with it," Jesus said. "I`m waiting until he is fully healed."

       "How is he mentally?" Carol asked.

       "Strong as can be," Jesus said. "He`s been taking this time to reflect on a lot of things. I guess almost losing your life can do that to a person."

       Carol wanted to ask him about the winks they exchanged, but thought better of it. Jesus had practically been taking care of Daryl since the injury happened. She had also sensed a change in Daryl. He seemed more upbeat and distracted, which was unusual for him. Carol stared curiously at Jesus. "He`s been getting good care. Has something else been happening in his life?"

       Jesus didn`t want to answer. "What could that be? He`s getting better. Feeling stronger. That`s something that should always make a person feel good." He knew Carol could see right through him.

      Carol smiled, figuring it out. "I`m glad. He seems happier to me, that`s all."

      "I know he`s anxious to get into the game again," Rick said. "He was his old self with the prisoner. Didn`t let anything personal get in the way."

      "Personal?" Carol asked.

      "Our prisoner is someone from Daryl`s past," Rick said. "Speaking of such, how is he doing?"

      "Still out in the tank," Jesus said. "I get to listen to his bitching for four hours straight this afternoon during my turn guarding him." He chuckled, but not in an amusing way, more in a minor agonizing way.

                                                                       *****

Jesus yawned. At least he could stand in the shade.

      "Come on. Won`t you let me out for a little? Just to walk around? It`s cramped in here. It`s also hot." Pause. "These little holes don`t give me enough air. Couldn`t you give me something to kill the bugs that crawl through them?" Pause. "That rainstorm the other day. It`s still wet in here. The holes leaked. And it hailed. Did you hear it? Banged against the tank like a bunch of drums. It was so loud I broke my eardrums." Pause. "The rotties come around and bang on the sides at night. I have to be real quiet, even when there`s a spider or snake crawling on me. Couldn`t you give me something for the spiders?"

       "There`s a flyswatter in the storage shed I could bring you," Jesus said yawning again. He peered through the sight of his rifle. If only a walker would show up to relieve the boredom.

       "You were with Uncle Daryl, weren`t you? He used to be real nice to me as a kid. Used to feed me when I was a baby. You could talk to him. He could tell you what a good person I really am."

       Yay, a walker! Jesus took one of his knives and disposed of it. He paced around some more hoping a whole herd might show up. No more were in sight. "Damn." He returned to his spot under the tree.

       "Come on. At least talk to me. All the others like to talk to me," Denny said in a pleading voice.

       "What do you want to talk about?"

       "What do you think? Getting me out of here. This tank stinks. At least I get taken out to take a piss or a shit."

       "Do you need to do any of those by chance?" Jesus asked hoping for neither prospect.

       "No. But I threw up the other day. Still smells like barf."

       "At least it`s your own barf and not someone else`s." Jesus was now grinning.

       "Will you talk to Uncle Daryl about me?"

       "No, and I believe he asked you not to refer to him as your uncle."

       "Technically he`s not. He and my mom were good friends. They didn`t go to bed with each other or stuff like that, just good friends."

       Jesus wished he had brought a pair of earplugs. Four hours was going to seem like four million years. "Who cares?"

       "I`ll tell you anything you want to know. I know were all the outposts are. I`ll tell Uncle Daryl anything he wants to know. Bring him here right now."

       "He`s had a big day. I doubt he`d come so don`t get your hopes up. Why don`t you take a nap?" Jesus wished he had studied mesmerism more closely. He could hypnotize the kid into silence.

       "Can`t sleep. It`s too hot. Too cramped. It stinks."

       Jesus moved to another spot as far away from the tank as possible. "So does life sometimes."

 

_**1985** _

 

_Jason Ames and Paul were in his rec room when he came to tell the boy the news he had just received. "We have to adapt to those changes as best we can."_

_"I like it here," Paul said. There were tears running down his face. "I don`t want to go away." The snows of January had just started after the most wonderful Christmas Paul had ever had._

_"I know you don`t, but we have to obey the law. Since they have found a placement for you in a group home that is where you`ll have to go." Jason reached up and wiped away the tears. "You must be brave, Paul. Remember what the karate instructor told you how you must be brave in your heart?"_

_"I don`t know what that means." Paul had never felt so confused in his life. He wasn`t sure if anyone loved him anymore. He wanted to believe it wasn`t Jason and Wendy`s fault that he couldn`t stay with them anymore, but he could never be certain if anyone was telling him the truth anymore._

_"It means you must be strong. You are strong, Paul. You`re smart. You`re kind. You`re not a lot of those things your aunt and uncle said you were." These words didn`t seem to comfort the boy. Jason felt that he had somehow betrayed Paul. "We will not abandon you. You are allowed a sponsor for activities outside the home. We have agreed to do that so you can continue with your karate. We can help you with your other interests as well."_

_Even if Jason was telling the truth, he knew his uncle wouldn`t approve. "Is it okay with my aunt and uncle? Uncle Luke will find a way to stop you."_

_"Your Uncle Luke is to have no more contact with you. Your Aunt Haley is more encouraging. They only have the power to make decisions as to where you are supposed to live if you can`t live with them. Unfortunately, they did not choose for you to live here." He hugged Paul close. "We would have chosen for you to live here with us."_

_*****_

_Jason, Wendy, and the two boys waved to Paul as the car driven by Angela pulled out of the driveway. It was beginning to snow and he could hear rare winter thunder rolling and echoing, the sky seeming to open up and put on a shroud of white obscuring and bringing with it the feeling of ominous dread. They drove through the wet slushy streets of suburban Richmond towards the major part of the city near the river into one of the older neighborhoods. They stopped at a rather large house, probably built in the late Victorian or early Edwardian era, a mansion for a Gilded Age magnate who most likely died without any heirs so he donated the place to the city. It was dark and forbidding, Gothic in architecture, but not in a good way. To Paul it looked like the gates of Hell were about to open. Angela parked the car and got out, losing her attempt to shield herself from the now blowing snowflakes. She pressed the buzzer at the gate._

_"Yes?" a voice asked over the speaker._

_"It`s Angela from social services. I have Paul Rovia with me." There was a click and the gate unlocked. She opened it up and drove inside, got out and closed it, then continued up the drive towards the house. They parked under the portico over the front entrance and got out. She opened the trunk and handed Paul his suitcase. A tall unsmiling woman wearing a black dress and her dark hair up in a bun greeted them._

_"Is this the young ruffian that`s come to grace our presence?"_

_"He isn`t a ruffian, Mrs. Goren."_

_"How am I supposed to know? I`m only the housekeeper." They came in and she took Paul`s suitcase from him. "I`ll take this up to your room. Mr. Herbert will be with you momentarily. Wait here." She pointed to a group of chairs arranged outside the office._

_The interior of the home looked as ominous as the outside. Another thunderclap from outside seemed to grow louder with the high ceilings and dark wood-finished walls. They sat down and about ten minutes later the office door opened and a short thin man with angular features came out. "Angela, bring him on in." They went into the office. "Hello, Paul. Welcome to Dunmore House."_

_When Mr. Herbert looked at him Paul felt like he was being scrutinized like a vulture eyeing its prey. If the Ames`s household had been Heaven, Dunmore House must be Hell._

_*****_

_"We know you`re just eight years old, Paul, but that is old enough to understand our rules," Mr. Herbert said as they walked down the hallway. "Dunmore House was generously donated to the city for use as an orphanage in the 1930`s. We have since expanded the house to those who cannot, for some reason, get along in society. We do not wish you to be a criminal when you grow up. Therefore we will teach you to become a productive law-abiding citizen."  
_

_"I didn`t do anything wrong," Paul said defiantly._

_"I can hear your recalcitrant attitude already." Paul didn`t know what the word that started with 'r' meant, but he didn`t like Mr. Herbert`s tone. "Since you are new you are allowed to roam the house to acquaint yourself with it. We will be watching you, so no stealing."_

_"I don`t steal." Being in a new situation and on his own, Paul would have to do what was necessary to survive. Even if he had to lie.  
_

_"Now that is a lie. I am familiar with your record. Shall we add lying to your list of disturbing behaviors? All breaking of rules have their punishment. All of them unpleasant."_

_Paul realized it was going to be more difficult than he thought. He sighed. "I want to go to my room."_

_"One of our rules is you ask permission for what you desire. You must ask if you may go to your room."_

_Paul could feel the defiance rise up in him. Was it going to be worse than his experience with his aunt and uncle? "I want. To go. To. My room." Paul glared at the man._

_"I see you are going to be one of the more difficult ones. Since you are new I will give it a pass today. You will learn your manners just as you will learn punishment. Come with me." Paul followed him as he walked down the hall, feeling a sense of anger rising up inside of him. He wanted so much to go back and live with the Ames`s. If he understood now how that wouldn`t be possible, in future he would understand that even more._

_Paul said under his breath so he wouldn`t be overheard, "Damn you."_

 

**The Present**

 

        A couple days later Jesus and Daryl played more two-handed poker in Jesus`s trailer. Daryl watched as Jesus put a full house down on the table. "Shit. I only gotta pair."

       "Hee-hee-ha-ha, all the matches are mine. Can`t light your cigarettes now." Jesus scooped up all the matches on the table. Since the kiss they had spent more and more time in each other`s company. Jesus walked around all of Hilltop with an almost permanent smile on his face, which baffled most of the residents. Daryl was a little more subtle, but he didn`t seem as melancholy and brooding.

      Daryl pulled a matchbook out of his pocket and waved it in Jesus`s face. "I ain`t no boy scout, but I`m always prepared."

      "Always prepared. Like the time I lit firecrackers on a trash can."

      "You won`t play that trick on me again."

      "I`ve got a lot of other tricks up my sleeve." Jesus got up a look of mischief on his face. "You`ll never guess what I found on my run."'    

      "Silly string."

      Jesus laughed. "Silly string," he muttered. "No, chattering teeth at this novelty shop." He reached over and opened a drawer and pulled out a pair of chattering teeth and wound it up. He set it on the table and let the teeth chatter. Daryl just shook his head.

      "I guess I need to find you a Whoopee cushion when I start goin` on runs again."

      "That`d be great. I`ve been looking for one."

      "Just fart all the time." Daryl got up and stretched. He placed his hand on his injured area. "Damn."

      "You okay?"

      "Just a twinge. I should know better than to do that." He sat down on the sofa. "If I hadn`t run out of smokes, I`d light up."

      "You`re out of smokes, huh?" Jesus sat down beside him. "I`ll have to remedy that soon. Can`t have my Daryl being unhappy." He put his arms around him and both of them settled down in the cushions. "Can`t have him unhappy at all."

      Their lips were soon on each other`s. Daryl kissed down the side of Jesus`s neck then back up again. "One really good thing about all of this."

      "What can that be? Should I hazard a guess?" Jesus nibbled on Daryl`s ear and licked down the side of his neck and across his chin until their lips met again.

      Daryl could feel Jesus`s beard tickle him, and it felt soft. He ran his hands through Jesus`s long silky hair. "If you need to guess. You need to pay more attention."

      Their lips were on each other`s face and neck and hands explored their torsos."Oh, I`m paying attention. You got my full attention now."

      "I ain`t payin` attention to nothin` else." Daryl could feel Jesus`s lean hard muscles beneath his shirt. It thrilled him to be holding another man so close, but it meant more to him that it was someone he felt he was falling in love with.

      Jesus ran his hands down Daryl`s arms and took a deep breath at how muscular Daryl was. "How I love being held in your strong arms." They stopped kissing and sat there in a tight embrace. "I can feel your heart beating," Jesus whispered in his ear. "Are you as excited as I am?"

       "Yeah," Daryl said. He leaned over and gave Jesus a hickey.

       "Oh, now you`re serious. How am I supposed to explain that?"

       "Hide it with your hair."

       "Can you hide yours with your hair?" Jesus then gave Daryl a hickey in return.

       "I`ll just tell everybody it`s dirt. And they`ll believe me." He pressed his lips on Jesus`s mouth and their mouths opened, their tongues soon entwining and licking. Their make out session lasted for another wordless five minutes before they stopped.

       "I`ve had a couple hot boyfriends, but they were never like this," Jesus said. "We`d blow each other, throw in some ass fucking. But there was no feeling. No connection."

       "I only connected with Mingus all them years ago. It`s been so long. I almost forgot. This ain`t the same." Daryl suddenly seemed to slump a little.

       "I think you`re tired. We both had a long day. Come on. I`ll take you back to your room."

       When they both left the trailer Jesus looked around for anyone nearby. When he saw no one, he and Daryl clasped hands and walked around to the front of the house. There was a dim light on just inside the front door, but all the other windows were dark. Jesus found a flashlight in the foyer and they used it to go upstairs still holding hands. They had gotten half way down the hallway when Maggie peered out of her room.

       "Oh, it`s you," she said.

       "We were playing cards," Jesus said.

       "Okay." Maggie noticed they were holding hands. "Goodnight."'

       "`Night," Daryl said.

       "Goodnight," Jesus said.

       Maggie ducked back into her room. Jesus and Daryl went into his room. They embraced close and kissed for five minutes.

       "See ya in the mornin`. Ya gonna be around?" Daryl asked.

       "Yeah. Maggie asked me if I`d do a few chores around the house. You?"

       "I ain`t goin` nowhere." Daryl turned on the light on the bed stand.

       "Then I guess it means we`ll see each other around. Not a bad deal at all."

       They kissed again then Jesus backed out of the room, their eyes never leaving each other.

                                                                       *****

       "Things get so dusty around here," Maggie said as she and Jesus entered the library across from her office. Jesus held several dusters of varying lengths.

       "I`ll get as many shelves as I can."

       "Thanks." Maggie went back into her office.

       Jesus had been dusting for about twenty minutes when he heard soft footsteps. Daryl entered carrying a couple books. Jesus was on his knees dusting a lower shelf.

       "I better check to see if you owe an overdue fine," Jesus said.

        Daryl emitted one of his low dismissive hisses. "What ya doin`?"

       "The old lady`s got herself a new maid," Jesus said jokingly. "Dusting. I think I`m just rearranging it. They don`t make dusters like they used to. In fact, they don`t make dusters at all."

       They didn`t hear Maggie come out of her office. She stopped thumbing through her inventory notebook when she heard their voices. She moved closer to the library.

       "I`ll find ya a squirrel. Walk along the shelf swishin` its tail."

       Jesus laughed. "Probably poop all over everything, too. Then I`d have a worse mess." Before Jesus could say anything more Daryl knelt down beside him. They were facing each other and after looking around they shared a long warm kiss.

       Maggie peered through the crack between the hinges. Enid came up behind her.

       "Maggie, I--."

       "Sshh." She motioned for Enid to take a look. They were still kissing.

       "That`s a good way to start the day," Jesus said. "Want to go for a walk outside the fence later?"

       "Sure. You still got my crossbow?"

       "Yeah, but you don`t get to shoot anything bigger than a turkey."

       "That just means I can`t shoot you." They kissed again.

       Maggie and Enid slowly backed away and went into her office.

       "You were right," Enid said quietly.

       "They obviously want to keep it to themselves for now, so no talking about it," Maggie said. She emitted a slight laugh. "Daryl Dixon has finally found love. I hope it works out. For the both of them."

        *****

Jesus and Daryl`s walk had turned more into an impromptu picnic when Maggie presented them with a basket of food and a blanket, telling them to take the rest of the day and just enjoy themselves. Both were kind of confused by her action but didn`t complain. They had walked for a while, Jesus realizing just how much Daryl needed to get out of the confines of the fence, especially when he took care of a couple walkers with his crossbow. They now lay together on the blanket after eating the food Maggie packed, enjoying the shade of a large tree away from prying eyes. Jesus was on the side opposite of the injury as they kissed and necked for a few minutes. Then they lay still with their arms around each other, Daryl stroking Jesus`s hair, Jesus tracing his finger up and down Daryl`s chest.

       "I never thought killing walkers could bring such joy to anyone," Jesus said as he laughed then kissed the tip of Daryl`s nose.

       "Like ducks at a carnival. Bang-bang." Daryl lightly stroked Jesus`s beard with his face then kissed him on the lips.

       "And here`s your prize, a whole herd of them." Jesus laughed when he saw Daryl grinning slightly. They nibbled on each other`s ears and kissed when suddenly there was a banging noise towards the fence. "Doesn`t he ever shut up? I didn`t realize we were this close to the tank."

       They parted and Daryl sat up slightly. "How much trouble has he been givin` you?"

       "Enough. Whenever he`s awake he`s always complaining or banging on the tank." When Jesus had said that Daryl got up. "Where are you going?"

       "See if I can get it to stop." He strolled towards the tank. Jesus scrambled to get up in order to follow him.

       The guard held his gun up ready to shoot then realized who it was. "Sorry."

       "Open up the lid," Daryl said. The guard did so.

       Inside the tank Denny looked up shielding his eyes from the bright light coming through the hole. "Uncle Daryl. I knew you`d come."

       "I told ya to stop calling me that." Daryl`s tone indicated how angry and pissed off he was at the young man.

       "They won`t let me out except to go to the bathroom. It`s hot and it stinks in here," Denny said starting to cry.

       "Nothin` more than you deserve bein` Negan`s bitch."

       "I told them I would tell them anything they want to know."

       "You don`t know shit, so shut up." Daryl tried to control the fury he held towards the boy, but his tone indicated it was not fully under control.

       "Please. You and my mother were friends. That`s got to count for something."

       Daryl leaned in closer. "She`d do nothin` more that shoot ya knowin` what ya are now."

       Denny, who was filthy and his clothing tattered stood up. He was bent over due to the height of the tank. "I can change. I can become a valuable member of Hilltop. Please give me a chance."

       "Nah, ya ain`t worth it. Shut the hell up. All you`re doin` is attractin` walkers." He indicated for the guard to shut the lid.

       "Please! Please! No!" Denny`s pleas were muffled when the lid closed.

       "Not sure if that will do any good," Jesus said.

       "Had to at least try. Stupid kid. Never had a lick of sense. Come on. Let`s go hunt some walkers." Daryl headed back to their shade tree to retrieve his crossbow.

       "You could have just killed him then and there," Jesus said.

       "Not until Rick says so."

       Jesus nodded in understanding. Daryl`s loyalty to Rick would never be shaken. Once Daryl committed emotionally to a person he never let go. Jesus felt the same thing was happening with him. A part of him was uncomfortable with that, but another part of him craved it. His cravings were proving the stronger force. More than anything Jesus`s concern was for Daryl`s well-being. Even though he was being stoic on the outside, on the inside it had to be a torrent of rage and disappointment and maybe even a little regret for the fact he had not been able to do anything in the past to prevent the situation.

       "I hope Rick decides soon. I don`t know how much longer we can hold out," Jesus said, sighing, indicating his impatience with the situation.

 

_**1987** _

 

_The American flag and Virginia`s state flag that was under it on the pole in front of Dunmore House, flapped listlessly in the hot afternoon July wind as Paul peered through the wrought iron fence in front. Across the street was another Victorian house that had been restored and was now the residence of a family of four--a mother, a father, and a boy and a girl. There were many vehicles now parked in front and in the narrow driveway. He watched as the two children played a game of baseball on the front lawn with other children and Paul could see the smoke of a grill pouring out from the backyard. It was the Fourth of July and he knew that when evening rolled around they would be shooting off fireworks. By that time he and the other residents would be required to go to bed. There would be no BBQ. No baseball. No fireworks. Not in Paul`s world. Such things had never been in Paul`s world since his uncle didn`t believe in wasting money just to blow something up; neither did he ever grill a hot dog or hamburger, Luke Rovia had never owned a BBQ grill. It didn`t stop Paul from longing to join the strangers across the street. Sometimes he had seen a boat parked by the curb and the family of four would head off to a lake for a weekend vacation. When he was still with his aunt and uncle, the weekends would turn into them going on their booze binges and fighting, with Paul often being the target of a bottle being thrown at him or a couple rounds with the chair leg._

_Paul choked back tears at memories that would never be. Since the group home was part of the state such amenities were not in the budget. Maybe there would be a turkey at Thanksgiving, depending on donations. Christmas was the same way and there was more generosity when that holiday rolled around. Still, there would be no fireworks on the Fourth of July. Paul loved firecrackers. When he was with his aunt and uncle there was a girl down the street who bought packages and packages of them and would share them with him, her older brother supervising since they were still quite young. They would shoot them off starting in the morning until it was dark. But Paul was not allowed to stay any longer after the sun went down, so he missed out on the fireworks._

_"Are we going to do it nor not?" A voice intruded into Paul`s thoughts._

_"What?"_

_The question came from Neal, one of the other residents of the group home. They went over and sat on a bench that had been built to surround a huge old tree._

_"For tonight," Neal said._

_"We`ll have to get the key to the back gate. It`s in Herbert`s office," Paul said._

_"If we don`t take Kirk`s dare, he`ll beat the shit out of both of us."_

_"Not me if I can help it, but you and Elijah he would. One of us will have to get into Herbert`s office, that`s all."_

_"How?"  
_

_"Easy." Paul got up off the bench. He went over to one of the female residents and lifted up her dress. "What cute panties you got on. Can I touch them? Pull them down, I want to see your pussy."_

_The girl screamed until one of the supervisors came over. "Paul`s messing with me again. He tried to touch my ass."_

_The supervisor glared at Paul. "How many times do I have to tell you not to touch anyone, Rovia? Come on, Mr. Herbert will want to talk to you." He grabbed Paul by the arm and unceremoniously dragged him towards the house. Paul looked back at Neal and winked._

_After practically dragging him all the way the supervisor sat with Paul in the waiting area in front of Herbert`s office. "You buy some more booze for your flask today, Jimbo?"_

_"You shut up, Rovia. And wipe that smirk off of your face."  
_

_Paul kept quiet but the smirk remained. The door to Herbert`s office opened and the headmaster stood in the doorway his hands on his hips. "Paul Rovia again, I see. Thank you, Jim, you may go." Jim left. "Get in here. Now."_

_Paul got up and with a deliberate slow walk went into the office, the smirk never leaving his face. As soon as the door closed Herbert slapped him hard across the face._

_"That`s child abuse you know," Paul said defiantly._

_"You`ve been with us over three years now, Paul. You constantly defy the rules. Why?"_

_"The rules are stupid."_

_"If I were allowed I would take away your extracurricular privileges. No more karate classes or target practice at the shooting range. How would that sound to you?"_

_Paul was silent. He knew he had been pushing things lately. His main goal, however, was to get the key to the back gate. He saw it hanging on the key rack to the left of Herbert`s desk." I don`t like it here," he finally said._

_"It`s not a matter of liking. It`s a matter of needing. Your parents are dead. Your aunt and uncle have divorced and you are now in the sole custody of your uncle and he is not allowed anywhere near you. You belong to us whether you like it or not. You`re stuck here until you are at least sixteen. You can only choose to leave us on your eighteenth birthday. Hopefully we won`t have to kick you out on your sixteenth. Think about it. A life on the streets is no way to live."  
_

_Paul sighed. How many times had he heard this lecture? "Maybe I`ll like the streets."_

_"No, you won`t." There was a knock at the door. Herbert went to answer it. Neal stood outside the door, his shirt wet. "What do you want?"_

_"The sink in the boy`s bathroom is overflowing again."_

_Herbert sighed. "I`ll be right there." He looked at Paul. "Don`t go anywhere, I`m not done with you."_

_Paul and Neal exchanged knowing glances before the door was closed. As soon as Herbert was gone Paul went over to the key rack and swiped the key to the back gate right off of its hook._

_*****_

_The sounds and brief lights of fireworks played in the background as Paul easily unlocked the back gate that night as he, Neal, and two others, Kirk and Elijah, crept onto the sidewalk._

_"So, where is this haunted house supposed to be?" Neal asked._

_"A couple blocks from here," Kirk said. "The old Eastlake Mansion." He turned and looked at Paul. "Don`t lose that key. We have to get back in."_

_"I won`t," Paul said, his contempt for Kirk, who was his roommate, in his voice._

_They walked down the street trying to avoid being seen in the streetlights until they came to a spot that seemed apart from the rest of the world. The wrought iron fence surrounding the old Eastlake Mansion was falling apart in spots so it was easy to slip through and get into the yard. The trees were old and bent down almost seeming to grab them as they walked by an abandoned fountain overgrown with vines._

_"The ghost of Mathilda Eastlake is supposed to appear in that window there," Kirk said pointing to one on the second level._

_"That`s just some story somebody made up," Neal said._

_"Alright, if it`s made up one of you guys has to go up there and find out," Kirk said._

_"I`m scared of ghosts. I`m not going," Elijah said._

_"How about you, Neal? Are you chicken?"_

_"I`ll go, but not by myself."_

_Kirk turned to Paul "What about you, shorty?" Since Paul was smaller than the others for his age he had earned that nickname from the bullying Kirk._

_"Sure. Why not?" Since nothing could be worse than being beaten by his uncle or lectured at by Mr. Herbert, he felt no real sense of fear. Without another word he quickly made his way to the front door of the house. Since it was loose and weathered it opened easily. With his small flashlight he found the stairs and went up them. The creepy noises he heard were the flapping of bat wings and the scurrying of rodents. These things occurred at the group home in the basement where he often went to practice doing kata. He looked down the hallway at a series of doors trying to determine which one led to the room of the window in question. "I ain`t 'fraid of no ghost," he said laughing._

_In fact, Paul had a better idea. He checked a couple rooms until he found a bed that still had its covers on it. Though dusty he managed to find a white sheet. He went back into the hallway, counted the rooms, and found the one that corresponded to the window where the ghost supposedly appeared. Cautiously he opened the door, making sure his flashlight could not be seen from outside. He went over to the window and hid along the wall, peeking out to make sure the other three boys were watching. He then took the sheet and waved it in front of the window illuminating it with the flashlight._

_"There it is!" Elijah said pointing. "It`s the ghost of Mathilda Eastlake." He turned and ran across the yard._

_"Kirk, is that her?" Neal asked cautiously._

_Kirk watched the spectacle for a moment. "No. That`s Paul playing a trick."_

_"Are you sure?"_

_"Yeah, I`m sure. Hey, Paul, I know it`s you," Kirk shouted._

_"Shit," Paul said under his breath. He let the sheet drop and peered out the window. Elijah was nowhere in sight so he only saw Kirk and Neal. At least he got one victim. He knew one of these days he would get Kirk back for all of his bullying. He left the window and moments later came out of the house and joined them._

_"That was stupid," Kirk said._

_"So much for your dare," Paul said.  
_

_"Can we go back now?" Neal asked._

_Kirk got in Paul`s face. "This proves nothing. All you know how to do is be a shit."_

_"So do you," Paul said. He casually walked across the yard and ducked through the fence. He stopped when he was on the sidewalk and turned around. "Coming? I still have the key, remember."_

_Neal and Kirk decided they were done for the night as well._

_*****_

_Paul was again in Herbert`s office the next day. "You and three others were seen sneaking back into the backyard last night. Where did you go?"_

_"Nowhere. Here`s your key back." Paul dug into his pocket then placed the key on Herbert`s desk._

_Mr. Herbert bent down and looked at Paul directly in the eye. "One of these days I will find something that will put fear into your heart, Paul Rovia. Then you`ll learn to behave. You`re to spend the day in the library with Miss Ida. Your meals and studies will be brought to you. You are only to leave if you need to use the restroom. Is that clear?"_

_"Perfectly," Paul replied with a smirk._

_Mr. Herbert emitted a small malicious laugh. "If you think your precociousness will get you out sooner. Think again. By the time you are sixteen I will crush you. Now get out of my sight."_

 

**The Present**

 

       "Get back to your gardening project," Maggie said to Enid as she playfully and gently shoved her out of her office. Enid passed Jesus just as he was coming in. He carried the blanket and empty basket.

       "Wanted to return these before I forget," he said.

       "Did you and Daryl have a good time?" There was a sly knowingness to Maggie`s voice when she asked that particular question. Neither Jesus nor Daryl was likely to speak out about what had happened between them, at least to her anyway.

       "Yes, we killed a lot of straggling walkers. Daryl got a bit messy so he`s cleaning up at the outdoor wash-house. I need to bring him some clean clothes." Jesus said that fast since he was nervous.

       "Well, that`s good you were able to do that. So, that`s all you did? Kill walkers?"

       "We ate the food you packed and--."

       "Jesus, it`s alright. I overheard you and Daryl in the library. Is it serious?"

       "We think it can be, yes."

       Maggie could see the uncertainty in his eyes. "But--?"

       "But I`m not sure I can."

       "Do you want it badly enough?" Jesus nodded. "Then go for it. There was a time Daryl wasn`t sure about anyone. He trusted nobody. Then we saw him for what he really is. He`s come a long way, so can you."

       "I love him, Maggie. I`ve never felt like this about anyone in my life."

       "You know what? You got close to someone without even realizing it. It`s worked out so far." Maggie`s voice was reassuring and confident, which was very comforting to him.

       "Yeah, it has, hasn`t it?" He paused. "I better get Daryl`s clothes." He practically ran up the stairs two at a time smiling all the way.

                                                                       *****

       After cleaning up and getting dressed Daryl had gone to Jesus`s trailer to have a new bandage put on over the incision. Daryl lay on the bed and watched.

       "Doesn`t look like you pulled any stitches out like you thought you did," Jesus said as he inspected the site. "These look new."

       "The doc took out the old ones, removed some scar tissue. Helped with that damn itchin`."

       Jesus cleaned the site with some saline and let it dry, then put on the fresh bandage. He noticed Daryl looking tired. "We had quite a hunt today. You can stay here and take a nap."

       "You said you were gonna take a nap."

       Jesus smiled. "Nothing wrong with taking a nap together."

       "Nope." Daryl seemed pleased at the thought.

       As soon as Jesus finished with the bandage he crawled on the bed beside Daryl who put his arm around him. "Won`t you be missed at the house?"

       "Don`t know. Don`t really care." Daryl closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Jesus embraced Daryl and rested his head on Daryl`s chest. He felt Daryl kiss the top of his head. Soon, they were both asleep as the mid-afternoon sun moved across the sky.

                                                                      *****

        Daryl was the first to wake up from his nap and realized he must have at least slept a couple hours. He would be glad when he had his full energy so he could get back into doing what needed to be done. There was a soft knock on the door.

        "Paul. Wake up."

        Jesus slowly opened his eyes. He sat up slightly and sleepily looked at Daryl. "How long were we asleep?"

       "Couple hours. Someone`s at the door." There was another knock.

       Jesus slowly crawled off the bed and went to answer the door. Enid stood there and smiled. "Maggie wanted me to ask if you were coming to the community meal tomorrow night."

       "Yeah." Jesus paused. "Do you know what time it is?"

       "Almost five o`clock." Enid noticed Daryl sitting on the edge of the bed. "Did I interrupt something?"

       "Huh? Oh, no. We were just having a little nap." He paused. "I guess I need to bring a dish don`t I? Shit. I haven`t a clue what to bring. I`ll think of something."

       "Okay, I`ll let her know." She grinned at Jesus, then at Daryl. "You can come too, Daryl. Because you`re an invalid you don`t have to bring a dish."

       "I`ll bring a dish of maggots. Pretty tasty with a little salt," Daryl said lightly.

       "Ew." Enid laughed. "Later."

       Jesus shut the door. He stood there for a moment contemplating the conversation, the wrinkled his forehead. "Did you just all me Paul?"

       "Yeah. That is your name ain`t it?"

       Jesus smiled. "Yes, yes it is." He paused and looked around. "I don`t know of anything I can bring. I`m not a foodie when it comes to potlucks."

       "I gave Ms. Maitlin them two small turkeys I shot today."

       "You think she`ll bake them for us?"

       "Uh huh. There`s your dish and mine." Daryl adjusted the pillows and lounged on the bed.

       "I`ll go over to her trailer and ask." He opened the door to leave, then turned to face Daryl. "Don`t go anywhere. I want to give you a massage before we go back to the house. Your muscles are getting tight."

       Daryl merely dug himself deeper into the pillows and smiled slightly.

 

_**1991** _

 

_Paul now sat in Herbert`s office, an all too familiar place, listening to his latest litany of disciplinary actions. "...except to the bathroom, the classroom, and your karate lessons. Your meals will be brought to you. Other than your room you are restricted to those areas for the rest of the week."_

_"But I have to practice my kata in the basement. It`s the only place I can do that in private," Paul protested. "I have tests this week."_

_"You should have thought of that before you put a snake in Doreen`s bed."_

_"I didn`t do that. I was set up." Paul always got the blame for any mischief that had occurred with the other residents, whether he was guilty or not._

_"Who set you up?" Herbert was doubtful about any kind of set-up._

_"My roommate. Kirk. He`s always out to get me."_

_"Kirk does not have the reputation for causing trouble like you do, Paul. I can only go by the evidence I saw. I saw you coming out of the girls` wing. What else were you doing there?"_

_"Nothing." In fact, Paul had found out he wasn`t really interested in even looking at girls in any way of attraction. However, when it came to other boys, he felt different._

_"You`re old enough to know and do certain things with girls." Mr. Herbert now stood beside him. "We certainly don`t tolerate that."_

_"One of the girls asked me to bring a book to her from the library. She couldn`t find it earlier and asked me if I knew where it was. When I found it I took it to her. That`s all." Paul was telling the truth this time._

_"That`s all." Mr. Herbert sighed. "I don`t believe a word of it, Paul."_

_"Ask Tess. She`s the one who wanted the book." Herbert then slapped him so hard he left the mark of a handprint on Paul`s cheek._

_"Don`t need to. I know you`re lying. That`s all I need to know." Mr. Herbert opened the door. "Now go to your room."_

_Angrily Paul got up and left the office. As the years had gone by Paul had toned down the pranks and practical jokes, but Mr. Herbert had already formed his opinion and stuck to it. When he got to his room upstairs, Kirk was there doing his math. He looked at Paul with a knowing grin._

_"Didn`t believe you did he, shorty."_

_Paul went over and grabbed Kirk`s shirt collar. "One of these days I will get you back."_

_"Look at you. A mouse trying to take on a tiger." Kirk grabbed him and shoved him to the floor. "I should make you get on your knees and lick my shoes."_

_"I don`t get on my knees to anyone."_

_Kirk laughed. "You will." He closed his math book and got up. "It`ll be nice not to have to stare at you when we eat. I`ll get my appetite back." He left the room._

_Paul sat there on the floor trying to get a grip on his emotions. He never had felt so hopeless in his life. Every year he had stayed in the group home had gotten worse. Mr. Herbert never believing him. Restricting him to his room. Locking him in the downstairs 'discipline' closet. Constantly slapping him. He felt tears just well up inside and he started to sob. Then there were the other feelings happening within him concerning the female residents who had tried to become friendly with him in a boyfriend/girlfriend sort of way. He had realized something whenever he was in the locker room where he took his karate classes. He often found himself gazing at the other naked men with admiration and even sometimes felt a stirring of uncontrolled thrill upon looking at them. Sometimes when Paul had returned back home, he fantasized touching their cocks while masturbating his own. A knock on the door interrupted him._

_"Who is it?"_

_"It`s Pablo. I brought dinner tray. Mr. Herbert told you are to eat in your room for week and told I to bring your trays."_

_"Umm, yes. Alright." Paul got up off the floor. Pablo was a Hispanic kid his own age that everyone picked on as well. They often joked about their names being the same since 'Pablo' was Spanish for Paul. He opened the door to let Pablo in. "Come on in."_

_"Food good tonight. Fried chicken, 'tatoes, and gravy." Pablo set the tray on Paul`s desk. "Okay this?"_

_"It`s fine." Paul liked Pablo and often helped him with his English, which wasn`t quite perfect just yet. "I stay a while?"_

_"Sure. If you don`t mind watching me eat."_

_"I not mind. You are good, good friend." Pablo sat on the edge of Paul`s bed. "Will you help with English?"_

_"I don`t know. Herbert`s put his long list of restrictions on me again. I`m not sure about visitors." Paul said as he sat down to eat._

_"I visit no too long."_

_Paul ate in silence for a while. Since he had been helping Pablo with his English they had become good friends. Pablo sometimes told Paul things he didn`t tell any of the others. "How are your classes coming?"_

_"Okay. Sometimes hard understand. I find book on the library. Called **'A Room in Chelsea Square'** by Michael Nelson. He English."_

_"Yes, I`ve read it," Paul said. In fact he had read it three times._

_"It talk about something, umm, sex with men."_

_Paul smiled "Yes, I know." He looked at Pablo. For the first time he noticed Pablo`s warm full brown eyes._

_Pablo smiled at him. "I have cousin that way. He good guy, but family say they don`t want him to come home. Shame, too. We joke a lot." Pablo got up. "I let you eat now. See in class tomorrow."_

_"Yeah. It might be a good idea not to mention that book to anyone else."_

_"Okay." Pablo then left._

_As Paul ate he realized something that had not occurred to him before. He had the strong desire to kiss Pablo on the lips. "Oh shit," he whispered to himself. "Am I a queer?"_

_*****_

_Herbert had lifted one of the restrictions and Paul was able to practice his kata in the basement only because he had his test for a brown belt that week. Even though he often did the routine alone he had asked Pablo to come down to watch so he could get used to doing the workout in front of someone. He felt he was flying as he spun through his kicks and twirled in the air first using a baton and then a nunchaku. He bowed when he finished and Pablo applauded._

_"You good. Kung Fu fighting master."_

_Paul laughed. "And that`s just the warm-up. I also have to test with an opponent." He sat down next to Pablo on the bottom step._

_"Why you do karate yes?"_

_"I don`t really know. I guess because I like it. I`m also studying taekwondo. A little bit of judo and jujitsu. The philosophies are similar and they promote discipline. Something I`ve needed to learn, though I`m not that good at it yet."_

_"You get, umm, black belt?"_

_"One of these days. Maybe next year." His eyes met Pablo`s. Before either of them knew it they were sharing a kiss. "I`m sorry. I don`t know what made me do that."_

_"That`s okay. Like it."_

_"I like it, too." They kissed again. Paul abruptly parted from him and looked around. "We better be careful. Someone may see us."_

_"You mean, we do it other time, too?"_

_Paul smiled. "Why not? I sure as hell don`t want to kiss the girls."_

_*****_

_When Paul returned from his testing and tournament with a smile on his face at earning his brown belt, he came back to the group home only to find police cars parked out front and the residents crowding the hallways. Most of them were crowded outside of Herbert`s room which was beside his office. Paul went up to Tess, one of his few friends, a look of inquiry on his face._

_"What`s going on?"_

_"You haven`t heard? Herbert`s been arrested. For child molestation and abuse," she replied._

_"Really?"_

_"Really."_

_This caused Paul to smile slightly. He had heard stories from other residents but no one could prove anything or catch him in the act._

_"We`re looking for a Paul Rovia," one of the officers said._

_"Oh shit." Paul turned around. "That`s me." He was still in his karate uniform._

_"Come with me please, son. We`d like to talk to you."_

_Confused, Paul followed the officer into the room used for entertaining visitors. There were two men and a woman already occupying it. The officer motioned him inside and closed the door, remaining just outside._

_"You are Paul Rovia?" the woman asked._

_"Yes."_

_"I`m Mary Graham. I`m with social services. This is Sgt. Rollins of the police department and Mr. Schiff, a lawyer. Please sit down."_

_Paul did so. "Am I in some kind of trouble?" It was something he always feared and now that he was older there was always the possibility of juvenile hall looming over his head._

_"No," Mary said._

_Sgt. Rollins picked up a file folder. "We`ve been reading through your file, Paul, the one Mr. Herbert has on you. We know you`ve had some problems over the years."_

_"Yeah," Paul said cautiously._

_"We think that his measures of discipline were harsh and abusive towards you," Mary said. "We would like to ask you some questions."_

_*****_

_Pablo and Tess had waited for Paul to finish talking with the authorities and they eagerly questioned him as they followed him to his room. He didn`t know what he was happier about, that he had gotten his brown belt or that Herbert finally got his comeuppance._

_"Why did they want to specifically talk to you? What did you tell them?" Tess asked with eagerness._

_"Somebody mentioned about me always being locked in a closet. The constant slapping." He touched his cheek. "They took a picture of the handprint."_

_"Are you going to court room?" Pablo asked._

_"No, I just have to give them a written statement." He sighed. "I`m tired. Can we talk in the morning?"_

_"Sure," Tess said. "See you at breakfast." She headed for the girl`s section of the house._

_"You get brown belt?" Pablo asked._

_"Yes, I did. So much is going on I almost forgot about it."_

_Pablo looked around to make sure no one else was in the hallway. They exchanged a quick kiss. "We kiss again sometime?"_

_Paul nodded. "In a secret place," he whispered back. Pablo grinned then left, passing by Kirk. Paul didn`t acknowledge him when he entered but began to undress and get ready for bed._

_"There`s one thing you and I agree on, shorty," Kirk said._

_"Yeah, what`s that?" Paul asked in an even tone._

_"We both hate Herbert. I`ll be glad to see him gone."_

_Paul glared at him. "Oh, really? Are you going to lie to the next guy about me as well?"_

_"Hey, the snake thing was just a joke, okay?" Kirk started to get out of his clothes._

_"Not to me," Paul said._

**_*_ **

_It didn`t take long for a new resident manager to be appointed. The first thing he did was meet with each person individually in order to get to know them. It was now Paul`s turn and he sat opposite him at the desk. The office did seem less harsh since Herbert`s belongings had been cleared out. The new RM had not yet had time to decorate. He was of a much friendlier demeanor than Herbert. He looked up from the case file he head been reading._

_"It says here you were orphaned when you were three years old. The lone survivor of an automobile accident. Do you remember anything from that, Paul?"_

_"A little. I remember climbing out of the back window and cutting myself on some broken glass. I can see an image of my parents covered in blood."_

_"Do you remember how you felt? Were you frightened?"_

_"I don`t think 'frightened' is the right word. Confused, maybe. I`d never seen death before."_

_The RM nodded. He closed the file folder. "I know that you and Dan Herbert never got along. He`s written some pretty damning things about you." The RM threw the file into the trash. "I make my own files. I`m Dr. Gerald Keller, but you can call me Gerald. I hope we have a better relationship. I don`t punish, I talk things out. Got to use my Ph. D in psychology for something, right?" He grinned._

_Paul grinned back. He already liked the new RM. "You don`t practice in a clinic?"_

_Gerald laughed. "Used to. Got a little bit too much for me. I`ve always liked working with youth. A couple years back I had a case up this street so I used to walk by here all the time. Always looked so gloomy and dark. Sometimes I`d see the residents and no one ever smiled. Now I know why." He paused. "I understand you`ve been studying karate. You sometimes go to the police shooting range since you`re now old enough."_

_"Yeah, it keeps my mind off of things here. I also like to read a lot."_

_Gerald nodded. "You`re smart, Paul. I can see it in your eyes. Precociousness is what it`s called. I encourage that kind of thing." He stood up and stretched out his hand. "It`s good to meet you, Paul. If ever there`s anything you want to talk about, just come to me. My door is always open."_

_Paul reached over and shook Gerald`s hand. For once, he could say that things were looking up. "It`s been hard, but I guess I made it this far haven`t I?"_

 

**_Part 2_ **

 

**The Present**

 

       "I try not to plan ahead too much," Jesus said to Enid at the picnic table as they ate the weekly community meal. He felt a foot run up the side of his leg and flashed a quick sly smile at Daryl. "I mean, surviving to make it since the walkers is a moment by moment thing."

       "So that`s why you always have to make the best of it at every moment," Enid said.

       "Have you been reading up on philosophy?" Maggie asked.

       "No, just realizing some things." Enid got up and picked up her empty plate. "That turkey was sure good. Thanks, Daryl."

       "We needed a little meat around here," Daryl said as he felt a hand massage his thigh for a couple seconds.

       "You`re the hunter, we`re the gatherers," Maggie said, the amusement in her eyes.

       "What`s this?" Jesus asked, intrigued. 

       "This goes all the way back to the prison. Daddy started a garden and one day he asked Daryl if he`d like to try pulling weeds. All Daryl said was he was only interested in smoking weed and we were the gatherers, then said he was going deer hunting. Daddy laughed so hard he almost peed his pants."

       "Cute," Jesus said and nudged Daryl. Daryl only grinned slightly as he met Jesus`s gaze.

        Maggie got up. "If you two are finished I`ll take your plates."

       "Thanks," Jesus said. When Maggie left Daryl and Jesus were left alone.

       "Do you realize we practically spent the entire day together killing those walkers in the woods." Jesus said.

       "Not a bad day, either."

       "No." Jesus paused, hesitating before he asked the question mostly on his mind. Slowly he spoke out the words that were causing him to almost tremble, his tongue a bit tied. "Do you want to spend the night together as well?"

       Daryl looked at him somewhat intensely and his eyes widened before he took a couple deep breaths. He closed his eyes. "Yeah," he simply said. He looked up at Jesus. "Yeah."

       They both slowly got up from the picnic table. Jesus looked around and noticed the other residents were occupied with their own activities or conversations. They quietly slipped away and went to his trailer. The only person who noticed them was Maggie.

        As soon as Jesus closed the trailer door he and Daryl began to kiss frantically, their desire for one another intensifying. Slowly they made their way over to the bed, not stopping their passionate kissing and necking for even an instant. Daryl reached up and unbuttoned Jesus`s shirt and kissed down his bare chest. He could feel even more desire building within him with each touch.

       "Let me help you remove your shirt. We`ll have to be careful with the incision," Jesus said. He and Daryl sat up and soon both of them were shirtless. Jesus massaged Daryl`s muscular chest, his eyes closed and sighing. He straddled Daryl and they were soon kissing again. "Let me do all the work for now. No pulled out stitches."

       "No pulled out stitches," Daryl said breathlessly and they kissed and necked for a while longer. Jesus took the time to remove both his and Daryl`s shoes and socks. Jesus may have been small and lean, but his arms were solid muscle, his chest hard and rippling as Daryl`s hands reached up to explore it. He undid the fly on Jesus`s pants and his hands reached beneath and squeezed his butt cheeks.

       Jesus moaned in pleasure as his pants slowly went down. He undid Daryl`s fly and slowly kissed down Daryl`s chest. His hands rubbed through Daryl`s pubic hair, his fingers lightly flicking his balls. Jesus could feel himself getting hard so he quickly slid out of his pants and helped Daryl with his before he straddled him again. As soon as their cocks touched, they emitted deep breaths of pure ecstasy. Jesus went down on Daryl, their mouths open, tongues entwining, each clasping their hands on each side. As the frottage built in intensity, Jesus clasped both of their cocks with one hand and rubbed them together. They rocked together in this fashion, kissing until Jesus came, the semen all over Daryl`s stomach. A moment later Daryl shot his load and Jesus collapsed on top of him, careful not to touch the incision. They both lay on the bed panting in a tight embrace.

       "I guess that kind of seals the deal," Jesus said laughing. "That was good."

       "I get these damn stitches out, it`ll be better," Daryl said. "You wait and see, Paul Rovia." Daryl opened his mouth and gave Jesus a deep lustful kiss.

       "Maybe I can`t wait, but I`ll try." Jesus slowly climbed off of Daryl. "I`ll get a towel. I think we got a bit messy."

       "Just a bit," Daryl said his eyes laughing as he met Jesus`s gaze. "There`s more where that came from."

       Jesus licked his lips in anticipation. 

 

**_1992_ **

 

_Paul and Pablo were now alone in a cubby-hole in the attic huddled together under a blanket. The attic was a bit musty since it was closed up. The small round window was painted shut. Paul waved away a couple of cobwebs that dangled from the rafters. It caused Pablo to laugh._

_"We`re spiders caught in a web of lust."_

_Paul laughed. He and Pablo kissed. "Queer lust at that. How long have we been at this?"_

_"We only make out for lots of times, then six months of lust." Pablo`s English had gotten better over that amount of time. "The moment my pollo touched yours--wow!. Carajo good."_

_"So far no one has found us out. Of course, we have several hiding places, don`t we?"_

_Pablo kissed Paul and they made out for a while. As soon as they finished the session they left the attic separately and from different doorways. Paul emerged into the girl`s side of the mansion. Tess, as always, locked the attic door._

_"I hope no one sees you or Pablo, alone or together," she said as she escorted him down the hallway so he would be undetected._

_"I`ve only talked about it with you. Pablo talks about it with nobody. It`s just all sex anyway."_

_They stopped when they came to a more public area by the stairway. "When are you going to open up to somebody, Paul? You keep all of your emotions and thoughts inside. You got this wall around you as if you are afraid to get hurt again."_

_"Maybe I am. I don`t want to talk about it. I`m going to my room." Without another word he left. Tess stood there staring after him and sighed. She then headed back to her own room._

_As soon as he reached his room. Paul sat down in the nearest chair and rested his head on the edge of the back and closed his eyes. The door to the room was open so he didn`t hear anyone come in._

_"Parking your ass in my chair again, Rovia?"_

_Paul opened his eyes only to see Kirk hovering over him. "Didn`t see your name on it. Fuck off."_

_"You little son-of-a-bitch." Kirk kicked the chair out from under him. "Look at the shitty little rat-man on the floor."_

_Paul quickly got up and instantly was in a karate stance. He now had enough confidence to take Kirk on, finally reaching a breaking point. "You`re nothing but a fucking bully. Come at me, asshole."_

_"Alright, shorty. You`ve asked for it." Kirk was definitely up for the challenge._

_Kirk immediately went into one of his wrestling stances and circled around Paul. He reached out his arm for a punch, but Paul grabbed his arm and in a swift move threw him down on the floor. Kirk was somewhat surprised by the action. He got up and prepared for a tackle, but before he could take another step he found himself kicked to the ground. Neither of them noticed that some of the other residents had gathered in the doorway to watch._

_"Come on. Come at me again," Paul taunted. Kirk got up and at a run he knocked Paul over. Paul landed and rolled, his feet up and with them he tossed Kirk over his head. "You enjoy messing with someone who has a black belt in karate? And a black belt in taekwondo? I`m just being gentle with you. This isn`t like our fight in the cafeteria or the one we had--."_

_"What is going on here?" Gerald asked as he sidled his way through the small crowd at the door. He noticed Kirk on the floor his face bleeding and Paul standing ready in one of his karate stances. He sighed. "Paul. Kirk. Not again."_

_Paul came out of his stance and lowered his head. "I`m sorry."_

_"Let`s go talk about this in my office." He motioned for both of them to follow him._

_*****_

_How long Gerald and Paul sat in silence in the office, neither really knew. Gerald opened the file on his desk then looked up. "What am I going to do with you, Paul? This is the third time you two have had a tussle."_

_"You`re always saying we need to stand up to bullies. That`s what I did. I`ve put up with years of it." Deep inside he felt he could no longer keep the peace--with Kirk--or within himself._

_"You`ve been here a long time, Paul. Sometimes I think too long." Gerald leaned back in his chair. "Since you are sixteen I can legally dismiss you from this place. I`m afraid the three strikes and you`re out policy applies. I`m sorry."_

_Paul started to cry. "You can`t."_

_"Why?'_

_"Because I`m afraid."_

_"Of the world out there?" Paul nodded. "There are jobs for a sixteen-year-old. I would have liked to wait until you were eighteen, to make it easier for you, but I just don`t see a way out of this." Gerald handed Paul a tissue. "You can pack your things and leave in the morning." He reached into his pocket and took out his wallet. He handed Paul several bills. "I don`t know who much is there, but it`s yours."_

_"I can`t take your money."_

_"It`s my money. I can do with it what I like. I`m giving it to you. Take it. You`ll need it until you can find something."_

_Paul reluctantly took it. He was not used to having much money. "What will you tell my Uncle Luke?"_

_"That your time here is up. He has no legal claim to you anymore. You`re on your own now, Paul." He paused. "Don`t see this as something bad. See this as an opportunity. You can be your own man now."_

_"Man?"_

_"You`re no longer a boy. Overall, you`re more mature than others your age." Gerald reached his hand across the desk. "I`m still pleased to have known you, Paul. You will make something of yourself. You`re stronger than you think you are."_

_Paul shook Gerald`s hand, his grip firm. "Thank you for all you`ve done for me. Our talks helped me sort through a lot of childhood shit and the fact that I`m gay."_

_"I knew you had a lot going on. I`m just glad I could help. Good luck to you, Paul."_

_*****_

_That next day Paul said a tearful goodbye to Tess and some of the other residents he had known through the years. He only had one meager suitcase of clothes and a couple books. At the gate it was only Pablo who remained. He wiped away the tears that would not stop flowing. They hugged tightly, neither caring if anyone saw them._

_"We had good time yes?" Pablo asked.  
_

_"Yes."_

_"You be careful out there. Gay people get beat a lot."_

_"I know." He paused. "You know, a lot of people struggle with that kind of thing, but considering all the books I`ve read on the subject, it`s just something that comes natural. I`ve accepted it as something that`s not wrong with me. You have to see it that way, too."_

_"I write my cousin. He knows."_

_Paul set down his suitcase and took Pablo`s head in his hands. He closed his eyes and kissed him. "I`ll never forget you, Pablo."_

_"I just wish we got know each other better. Hasta la vista."_

_"Hasta la vista." They kissed one more time then Paul picked up his suitcase and walked down the sidewalk. He looked back only once, gave the group home a middle finger, and then continued on his way._

_*****_

_The money that Gerald had given Paul had lasted only a couple weeks. By that time he had hoped to have found a job, but since he had little experience no one would hire him. It was then that Paul realized he would have to rely on his wits and cunning. A man walked by and Paul got up from the sidewalk and followed close to him, reaching into his back pocket for his wallet. Before he knew it there was a strong grip on his arm._

_The man laughed. "Very cute, kid."  
_

_Paul handed the wallet back to him a bit of a sheepish grin on his face. "That bad, huh?"  
_

_"You ever do this before?"_

_"Not really. It was easier when I was a kid and I stole from my uncle. It helped that he was too drunk to realize what I was doing," Paul said._

_"The trick is not letting someone know you`re doing it, right?" Paul nodded. "Okay. You suck at it." The man scrutinized Paul for a moment. "How old are you?"  
_

_"Sixteen."_

_"You a runaway?"_

_"Nope. An orphan. I got kicked out of the orphanage."_

_"Seriously?"_

_"Seriously."_

_The man chuckled. "You obviously don`t have a job." He paused. "You think you can do circus work?"_

_"Circus?" Paul shrugged. "Don`t know."_

_"Well, do you want to find out? We could at least teach you how to pickpocket the right way."_

_"At the moment I don`t have a lot of choices before me."_

_"You got a bit of charm to you. Come on. You hungry?"_

_"Starving."_

_"Let`s go get you a burger first. By the way, my name`s Matthias."_

_"Paul Rovia." Without another word, Paul picked up his suitcase and followed the man. He may not be a runaway but the idea of joining a circus appealed to him somewhat. He stroked the light stubble that was starting to grow on his chin. He may eventually grow a beard at that, become a completely new man._

_*****_

_After getting him something to eat, Matthias took Paul to the edge of town where the small circus and carnival had been set up. 'Here I Go Again', by Whitesnake blared over the loudspeakers as he marveled at the different closed booths of games and food, rides, and animals displayed for the crowds that were anticipated to come later that day._

_"We mostly travel all over the south and east coasts," Matthias said. "Louisiana, Alabama, Florida, Georgia, North and South Carolina just to name a few. We`re small, but we make a good profit."_

_"Pick-pocketing?" Paul asked with slight amusement._

_"Occasionally." Matthias gave Paul a knowing gaze, "I have a feeling you learn fast." They headed over to what was the largest trailer and Matthias knocked._

_"Come in." When they entered they were greeted by a man in an old burgundy leisure suit. He had long hair that went all the way down to the middle of his back. He turned to face them. "Oh good, Matthias, you`re back." He observed Paul for a moment. "And what have we here?"_

_"A would-be pickpocket. He calls himself Paul Rovia."_

_The man who seemed to be in his early fifties observed Paul in silence for a moment. "Skinny little thing ain`t he? How old are you, son?"_

_"I just turned sixteen a few months ago."_

_"That`s always a good age."_

_"He`s not a runaway. Says he`s an orphan who got kicked out of the orphanage," Matthias explained._

_The man laughed. "He sort of has that demeanor about him. Know anything about circus or carnival work?"_

_"No, sir. I need a job."_

_"So you resorted to pick-pocketing and you don`t know a thing about it." He sighed. "I`m the boss around here, most call me Jack or Mr. Johnson. We always need someone to help clean up around here. Pay`s not that good, but we feed you and give you shelter. Interested?"_

_Paul had already been intrigued by what he saw. He was used to cleaning duty when he lived at the group home so he didn`t see a problem. "Yes."_

_"Good. Matthias will show you where you`ll be bedding down. It ain`t the Ritz Carlton, but it keeps you out of the rain. Then he`ll show you where to get started."_

_Paul had found his new accommodations adequate, a small cot in a trailer shared by some of the other circus performers. The others looked at him with suspicion, but when he didn`t present a snobby attitude, looked away and went back to their business. There wasn`t much time to meet anyone since Matthias immediately took him to his first task. He handed Paul a shovel. "You can start with the stalls where we keep the horses."_

_Paul took the shovel knowing right away what was expected of him. "Everyone has to shovel shit sometimes," he simply said._

_Matthias laughed. "You just might work out. Put it in the yellow bin. When you`re done come see me. I`ll be at the duck shoot booth." He then left Paul to his task._

_*****_

_Several days had passed since Paul had started his job. Not only did he have various cleaning duties, but he took tickets at the booths and would gofer for anyone who needed it. One morning as he lay semi-awake in his cot he felt movement beneath his pillow. He turned around to see Ollie, an African-American little person, standing beside his cot._

_"If you`re into reading Charles Dickens, you`re welcome to borrow it. In fact, it already has your name on it. **' Oliver Twist'**," Paul said evenly. "I have absolutely no valuables whatsoever."_

_"Ollie, leave him alone," he heard one of the others say._

_"We contacted your Mommy and Daddy. They`re coming to get you," Ollie said grinning maliciously._

_"What did you do, use the Ouija Board? They`ve both been dead for twelve years."_

_Ollie stepped back a couple steps surprised by the statement. "Sorry. Your name is Paul, right?"_

_"Yeah. And you`re Ollie, the littlest clown in the clown car."_

_"So you`ve seen the act."_

_Paul adjusted his posture. "I`ve seen all the acts."_

_"Can you do anything other than shovel shit and take tickets?"_

_Paul was amused by the question. "I know karate and taekwondo. Black belts."_

_This revelation made Ollie step back. "Hey, don`t go practicing on me."_

_"I won`t." Paul sat up._

_Ollie took a couple steps towards him. "Why don`t you join us for breakfast, huh?"_

_Paul had mostly sat by himself during their meals, conversing little with anyone. He was an outsider so everyone was wary. As soon as they decided he was harmless and helpful, but mostly nonjudgmental, some of the others began to warm up to him. "Sure."_

_After he had cleaned up and gotten dressed he followed Ollie and some of the other performers to the food tent. Breakfast wasn`t fancy, just basic food such as toast, eggs, and sausage or bacon, but Paul was used to that since the group home hadn`t served gourmet meals either._

_"I`m sorry about this morning," Ollie said to Paul as they ate. "We all thought you might be some spoiled brat rich kid just wanting to join the circus."_

_Paul laughed. "Hardly."_

_"So, you`re an orphan. How do you know karate?"_

_"Something I learned while living at the group home. I`m also pretty good with hand guns and assault rifles." Ollie`s eyes widened. "Target practice. Skeet shooting." Ollie seemed to calm down._

_Later on that day some of the others challenged Paul to shoot down the ducks in the duck shoot booth and he impressed them with his shooting skills. Afterwards he showed them some karate moves. Matthias and Jack had also noticed his skills and were impressed._

_"Looks like our young Paul here has a multitude of talents and lots of potential," Jack said. "You chose well."_

_"As soon as I teach him to pickpocket the right way, you mean," Matthias said,_

_"Rob from the rich, give to the poor. It`s the oldest game in town."_

 

**The Present**

 

       "With this war with the Saviors, we have to be more than super cautious on our runs," Freddie said to Maggie as they strolled across the yard that next morning.

       "I`m sure this run will yield more than we expected," Maggie said. "Jesus said there were more medical supplies to be had from this place."

       "We`ll hopefully be back by tonight." With that Freddie headed for where the vehicles were parked on the other side of the fence.

       Enid came running up to Maggie. "I can`t find Daryl. It looks like he didn`t sleep in his bed all night. What could have happened to him?" There was almost panic in her voice.

       Maggie glanced at Jesus`s trailer. "I wouldn`t worry about it. You go on and do some more gardening. I`m sure he`ll show up." Enid went on her way. Maggie smiled remembering what she had seen the night before. She looked up at the sky and noticed the gathering clouds. There was the sound of thunder overhead.

       Jesus was awakened by a flash of bright light coming from the window, followed by the sound of loud thunder. He sighed at the feeling of Daryl`s breath moving through his lungs as he rested his head on Daryl`s chest. Both were still naked as they lay on top of the covers due to the heat of the night and now the humidity of the stormy midsummer morning. His leg was entwined with Daryl`s, his thigh touching Daryl`s cock. He moved his leg slightly and Daryl stirred to wakefulness. When Daryl shifted his eyes he saw a smiling Jesus.

       "You fuckin` me while I sleep?" Daryl asked.

       "All I did was move my leg." Jesus turned his head and they kissed. "We can fuck now that we`re both awake if you want."

       Outside the thunder gently rolled over the summit of Hilltop as raindrops pattered the sides of the trailer. Jesus loved morning thunderstorms and it was made all the better with Daryl beside him.

       "I wouldn`t mind another go at it," Daryl said as they kissed again.

       "It`s been so long since I woke up next to someone," Jesus said softly. "The last time I did it didn`t feel as good as I do now."

       "You weren`t in love?"

       "Not really. He was an acrobat. Both of us needed to feel like we were in love, but we weren`t. We never really talked, especially about how we felt."

       "About each other?"

       "About anything." Jesus traced his finger from the top of Daryl`s chest to his pubic area. "With you it`s so different."

       "How do you feel now?"

       "Grateful. Warm. In love. You?"

       "Wonderin` what took me so long." Daryl moved to lay on his side being mindful of the incision. They both now faced each other. "I guess I never thought I would find love. In any form."

       "Guess what. Love found us and gave us a chance to start over. A lot of people aren`t so lucky." Jesus leaned over and kissed him. "I would say we`re both pretty lucky."

       Daryl took him in his arms and they kissed and necked for a few minutes. "No turnin` back now."

       They shifted positions so Jesus was straddling him again in order to protect the incision. He let out a deep sigh when their cocks touched again. "Yeah, I`ll say we`re both ready to go at it again." They paid no mind to the thunderstorm, its sounds and flashes enhancing the feelings that were stirring inside of them.

                                                                       *****

Daryl didn`t show up in the kitchen of Barrington House until around lunchtime and got a long curious look from Enid when he sat down at the table.

       "You didn`t go on a run did you?" she asked with extreme concern.

       "Nah, I`ve been here all along," Daryl said.

       "You sure know how to hide then." Enid didn`t quite understand the mysterious look on Daryl`s face, as if he had been up to something behind everyone`s back, which wasn`t far from the truth.

       They heard the voices of Maggie and Jesus in the hallway before they entered the kitchen. Jesus leaned down and he and Daryl kissed longingly on the lips before Jesus sat down beside him. Maggie and Enid exchanged knowing looks.

       "What`s for lunch. It smells good," Maggie said.

       Enid stared at Daryl and Jesus for a long moment. "It`s about time," she finally said now putting everything together.

       "Some people sure know how to figure out things pretty quick," Jesus said. "We thought we were keeping it to ourselves."

       "Not to us," Maggie said. "Hey, we`re both happy for the two of you. What other people see and think is their business. What you reveal to them is your business."

       Enid set out four bowls and utensils. "Ms. Maitlin showed me how to make chili with beef. She brought over her homemade soda crackers. We finally found a use for all that chili powder Jesus found at the Mexican food store."

       "That`s a relief," Jesus said. "Where`d you get the beef?"

       "We had to put down one of the dairy cows," Maggie said. "Broke its leg when a bunch of walkers outside the fence frightened it."

       "It`s that damn Denny. He won`t shut up," Daryl said. "He`s attractin` them from the woods."

       "We must have put down about two dozen yesterday," Jesus said.

       "I got a message from Rick that he`ll stop by in a couple days," Maggie said. "Maybe we can decide what to do with him them." She paused to look at all the food that had been set on the table. "I hope Ms. Maitlin brought over that apple pie."

       "So you can eat the whole thing?" Enid asked.

       "I`m eating for two." Enid gave her an exasperated look. "Okay, I`ll share."

 

_**1998** _

 

_A warm Florida mid-winter breeze wafted through the tent as Paul contemplated how accepting the other circus performers had been towards him over the few years since he had started working for them. He had picked up many skills considered 'unsavory' by the normal world, but in his world it could mean the difference between survival and starvation. Some of the other circus performers had now brought in a birthday cake for Paul`s twenty-first birthday. He had become a great asset to the entire company. No longer cleaning, he had been promoted to props and costumes, making sure everyone had everything they needed. There was one gift that was wrapped in cheerful colored paper on the table next to the cake. After cutting it, Carlotta and Clarissa, the duo female juggling act, helped him distribute the squares to everyone present._

_"Aren`t you going to open your birthday present?" Ollie asked.  
_

_"As long as you don`t make me give a speech," Paul said. He sat there stroking a beard that had finally begun to look like a beard, after struggling for the last few years. His hair was now shoulder length. Paul was beginning to feel more the man than the boy, gaining the confidence he had so desperately needed in the past._

_"Okay, no speech," Ollie said._

_Paul noticed that Matthias and Jack had come into the tent late to join the party._

_"Happy Birthday, Paul," Jack said as he handed him an envelope. Matthias also wished him the same and shook his hand. They were given pieces of cake and sat down in a couple empty chairs._

_Noting the anxious looks on faces, Paul picked up the gift. It was somewhat large, but lighter than he expected it to be. There was a slight rattle that he couldn`t identify. The wrapping was finally taken off and he opened the box. Inside was a karate nunchaku and a completely new karate outfit._

_"We noticed that you outgrew your old one a long time ago so we pitched in and got you a new one as well as the nunchaku," Ollie said._

_Paul had never been more moved. "Thank you." He had practiced his kata every day. One of the trapeze performers also knew karate and they often practiced together to keep in shape. He also kept up on his taekwondo whenever there was a gym available in whatever town they found themselves in for one week at a time._

_"We also made you a new black belt," Carlotta said. "Your old one was starting to get a bit ratty looking." She handed Paul the belt wrapped in tissue paper._

_Paul wiped away a couple tears. He only wished he knew how to express his feelings more accurately. But some of the people around him seemed to understand that because they had endured pain in their lives as well._

_*****_

_"Damn, where is that ostrich tail?" Carlotta said as she rummaged through the box of costume accessories in the costume tent. "Paul, have you seen it?"_

_"The blue one or the yellow?" he asked._

_"The yellow. We go on in five minutes."_

_Paul easily found it in another box and pinned it on her. "There. How`s that?"_

_Carlotta patted his cheek. "You`re a godsend, Paul. Thanks." She skipped out of the tent._

_Paul continued to hang the costumes from the night before. He heard voices outside come closer. The costume tent also served as a dressing room and make-up area for many of the performers so he usually paid it no mind. He recognized one of the voices as the traveling preacher and the other belonged to Jack Johnson._

_"He left me. Just like that. Said he had a girlfriend waiting for him in Charleston. How the hell am I supposed to put on the 'Death and Resurrection of Jesus' show without a Jesus, Jack?"_

_"You`ll have to find someone else to replace him, Isaac."_

_"By tonight? Of all the goddamn times to leave me in a lurch."_

_Paul laughed to himself. Brother Isaac Lansky was one of the worst hypocrites the evangelistic movement had ever produced. His 'Death and Resurrection of Jesus' show was the biggest joke among the other performers._

_"Maybe someone can fill in until you find a replacement," Jack said._

_"And who is that supposed to be? One of the clowns?"_

_That was a pretty accurate assessment Paul thought to himself. He removed some costumes from one rack to another. Then went over to a box of red noses for the clowns and picked one out. He took it over to the make-up table for the lead clown._

_"Don`t get excited, Isaac. I`ll help--."  
_

_"Hey, will you look at that." Isaac was staring directly at Paul. "A little young and needing a fuller beard, but the hair is just right." He strolled over to Paul. "How would you like to take part in the greatest story ever told?" Isaac`s deep southern drawl was at times considered annoying._

_"Me?" Paul asked. "I`m no actor."_

_"All ya gotta do is act like Jesus. You know how to act like Jesus? Are you a God-fearing sinner like everyone else?"_

_Paul figured if he ever would set foot in a church he would spontaneously combust and go directly to Hell due to the fact he was queer. But he didn`t tell anyone else that fact. "Umm, yes, I suppose I could act the part."_

_"Then it`s a done deal. What`s your name?"_

_"Paul Rovia."_

_"Paul--that`s a great Biblical name." Isaac looked at Jack. "God has led us to this tent for a reason." He looked at Paul. "I`ll even pay you a little more than Jack I`m sure."_

_Paul looked from Isaac to Jack. Jack nodded slightly indicating it was alright with him. He sighed. "Okay. Just let me know what I need to do."_

_"First of all we`ll need to find you a fake beard until yours grows out more. How old are you?"_

_"Twenty-one."_

_"Like I said, a little young, but nobody`s gonna notice. You come on along to my RV. You can even sleep on the sofa/bed."_

_That did sound a whole lot more comfortable than the cot. "Well, let me finish up here."_

_"Good," Isaac said. He slapped Paul on the back. "I`m sure we`ll make a fine team. See ya later, Jack." Isaac left the tent._

_"Jack, I`m--."_

_"Don`t apologize, Paul. You can still do this job and his. It`s good money."_

_"But I`d feel so silly. The others won`t let me live it down I just know it."_

_Jack laughed. "As long as you don`t take it seriously, I think you`ll do just fine."_

_*****_

_Brother Isaac`s RV was considered one of the nicer living accommodations than the other tents, trailers, and caravans. It had one bedroom at the back, its own bathroom with a shower, a kitchen combined with a small living room area just off the front. Paul set his belongings down next to the sofa._

_"Over here is a storage closet I don`t really use. There might be some junk in there. Just clear it out and hang the bar on those two chains. It`s yours for the taking."_

_"Thanks," Paul said. Maybe he should be more grateful to Isaac. The man was friendlier than most made him out to be._

_"I don`t like smoking and loud music in here. Socializing is to be an outside activity. No girls."_

_"I can assure you there will be no girls," Paul said as seriously as he could, desperately trying to keep a straight face. At least he wasn`t lying._

_"Good. Women are the downfall of man. They can lure us into sin with just one look. Did you know that?"_

_"No, I didn`t," Paul said incredulously._

_"We are in troubled times, Paul. America is in a crisis of sin. We are here to save as many souls as we can and Jesus Christ will welcome them all." He looked around. "I`ll get you some blankets. The bed pulls a little hard, just jerk it a bit. I`ll leave you to get settled, then we`ll go rehearse the show." Isaac left to go set it up._

_Paul sighed. As long as Isaac never realized he was gay he thought he could adjust to this situation. At least it changed nothing else in his life. The show was only done twice a week, on Wednesdays and Sundays. He opened the storage closet which only had a few items in it. One was a book with the photo of the Constitution superimposed over a photo of the Capitol Building on fire. He read the title: " **'Surviving TEOTWAWKI: When Democracy Fails'** , by Jeremiah Otto, Sr. Great. One of those types." Paul tossed the book on the floor of the storage closet and put a newspaper he had also found on top of it._

_*****_

_"At least you`re having a bit of fun with it," Ollie said to Paul as they spoke at his dressing table._

_Paul had been playing 'Jesus' for about a month. "If I didn`t need the money I would have said 'no'. How`s that?" Ever since taking the role, Paul had received some ridicule from the other performers. For the first time in a while the feeling of not belonging was starting to creep back into his mind. Ollie was one of the few that didn`t ridicule him._

_Ollie checked his new clown costume in the mirror. "Better. It doesn`t feel like my ass is squeezed too tight." He sat down to put on his make-up. "You won`t have to wear that fake beard much longer. Yours is growing out. We`re all going to start calling you Jesus."_

_"A few already have." He paused. "Brother Isaac doesn`t think I know he sneaks prostitutes into his bedroom from the other door. I just turn a blind eye. I have no room to judge anyway."_

_Ollie stopped what he was doing and looked directly at Paul. "You better be careful. If he discovers you`re gay..."_

_"I know, I know. I`ve only had a few one-night stands and one boyfriend only lasted three days." Paul bent down and looked in the mirror and rubbed his hand over his beard and hair. "I never knew I`d look like you-know-who if I grew my hair long and a beard."_

_"It`s not just the beard and hair. It`s your eyes. Typical whitey-honky image of Christ." Ollie grinned._

_Paul laughed. "Careful. You`re living up to your clown reputation."_

_"Hey, did you hear the news? We`re getting two new acts. One`s a knife thrower and we`re getting a real genuine acrobatic troupe."_

_"Acrobats?"_

_"Yeah, they`re a group of three brothers and two sisters. Family thing. They start next week."_

_"Ollie, you amaze me on how you know about everything that goes on around here," Paul said chuckling._

_"Hey, if it weren`t for me the grapevine around here would shrivel up and die."_

_*****_

_Paul had finished in the costume section and was now inventorying props when someone he had never seen before approached him._

_"You Paul?" an older well-built man said to him._

_"Yes. Can I do something for you?"_

_He placed a wooden case on top of a barrel. "I`m Nevada Emerson, the new knife thrower. I need you to take care of these." He opened up the case to display a pair of intricately carved knives. "They`re old, but in excellent shape. Like new."_

_"I always thought that act was fake, you know, the knives spring out from the back of the board," Paul said._

_Nevada laughed. "Not on my watch. These are the real McCoy." He took one out and handed it to Paul. "See how well balanced they are?"_

_Paul took it and examined it. "Beautiful work on these. I love the scrollwork on the blade. These definitely aren`t cheap."_

_"You know knives?"_

_"A little. Haven`t had much of a chance to use them. I`ve always been interested."_

_Nevada was already impressed with Paul`s gentle demeanor and charm. "Why don`t you stop by when I`m practicing. I can teach you how to throw properly."_

_"I`d like that. I once knew a man who collected knives and ninja stars."_

_"I got a few of those, too. Be sure to take good care of this. I don`t use these in the act, but I want to keep them from being stolen." He put the knife back and closed the case._

_"I`ll put it in the safe."_

_Nevada nodded his thanks and left._

_*****_

_"And though doubting Thomas was a disbeliever, when he saw the resurrected Jesus he doubted no more and confessed his sins to almighty God," Brother Isaac intoned to the gathered crowd._

_Paul stood on the stage his arms spread out to each side. How much longer was Isaac going to spout his drivel? His arms were getting tired. He leaned over and sniffed the robe and wrinkled his nose. It was in need of a wash. Paul then got back into character. Isaac went on for another five minutes then the curtain went down. Paul lowered his arms with relief._

_"The pay is good. It will keep you off the streets," Paul muttered to himself. He quickly took off the robe and now only wore a pair of swim trunks and a tank top. He listened as Isaac took up a collection and shook his head. Did he like the fact that he was participating in draining people of their hard earned cash? No, but if suckers wanted to part with their dollars, he had no control over that. At least there was one thing that was turning out good. He no longer had to wear the itchy fake beard._

_"You really do look the part, even up close," someone said to him._

_Paul looked up and saw a rather good looking man about his age leaning into the gap at the back of the tent. "Don`t tell anyone, but I`m really in it for the money. I prostitute Jesus."_

_His new acquaintance laughed. "They also tell me to talk to you about costumes and props."_

_"I`m finished here so we can head on over." He sniffed the robe again and winced. "After I stop by the laundry that is."_

_After depositing the robe at the laundry the two men strolled over to the costume and prop tent._

_"I`m Orlando, by the way. My four siblings and I just arrived a bit ago. We`re acrobats."_

_"I heard there was a new troupe arriving. I hope you like small towns full of rednecks, religious wackos, and drunks. We get a lot of those along with families," Paul said._

_"It`s something until we find better. Then again, maybe we aren`t that good. I just follow what my siblings do. I`m the youngest so I don`t have much of a choice." Orlando`s smile caused Paul`s heart to flutter. "So we bring our costumes to you then?"_

_"Yes. I`m pretty well organized. I`ll find the special place on the rack just for you. How many are we talking about?"_

_"We have a lot of changes, so a lot. We have to keep spares due to rips that can`t be repaired."_

_"The seamstress will take care of that." Paul admired Orlando`s muscular body. He knew acrobats wore tight clothes. A part of him wanted to see Orlando in one of their costumes._

_"I shall tell my siblings we are in good hands." Orlando`s eyes roamed up and down Paul`s body. "Do you work out? You look in good shape."_

_"I do kata every day. I know karate and taekwondo and work out a few times a week with that."_

_"Wow, that`s good exercise. If you teach me some karate, I`ll teach you some acrobatics."_

_Paul smiled. "Sounds fascinating." His and Orlando`s eyes locked. "Excuse me, I want to get changed." They looked at each other a bit longer before Paul headed out of the tent._

_*****_

_Paul and Orlando had been working on a routine for about an hour. Paul had learned how to jump and then roll from a few feet in height as well as some other simple acrobatic moves. He now sat on a bench as Orlando wiped his face and neck with a towel._

_"Whew. Two people can sure do good when they`re in shape," Orlando said._

_Paul`s gaze moved to the bulge in Orlando`s workout costume. Orlando noticed and took Paul`s hand and placed it on his groin. "I`m sorry. But I find you quite alluring," Paul said quietly._

_"I knew you did." Orlando encouraged Paul to rub the bulge. "That feels wonderful." He then sat down beside Paul. Soon their arms were around each other and they kissed._

_"I was so hoping you were a queer. My gaydar is rarely wrong," Paul said._

_Orlando laughed. "It`s been a long time for me. I liked you the instant I laid eyes on you." He whispered lustily in Paul`s ear, "Want to suck on it?"_

_"As long as you oblige me too," Paul whispered back._

_They kissed and necked for a bit longer then Orlando took Paul`s hand and they both stood up. "I have my own caravan. We can go there." He led Paul to a small trailer hitched behind a pickup. As soon as they went inside they kissed and began to strip off their clothing. They both lay naked on the sofa and engaged in a frottage for a few minutes before Orlando stood up and took his cock in his hands. Paul sat up and massaging Orlando`s butt cheeks he took the cock and eagerly sucked on it, licking up and down the sides and his tongue teasing the tip._

_Orlando moaned in pleasure. "Oh yes. That`s wonderful. You are masterful."_

_"Just give me the reward," Paul said._

_Orlando smiled. "There`s plenty. Just keep doing what you`re doing." He let out an almost scream when he came._

_Paul`s face was covered with cum when Orlando came down to kiss him. He then leaned back on the sofa as Orlando took his hard erect cock in his mouth. Paul undulated his body in ecstasy as his manhood was being worked over by someone just as masterful as he was. He let out a long moan when he came, Orlando licking all of the cum. He then straddled Paul and they kissed, tasting each other`s cum._

_"We`ll always have to do this in your caravan," Paul said. "I sleep on Isaac`s sofa/bed. He doesn`t know I`m gay."_

_"I understand." Orlando wrapped his arm around him and they sat together enjoying each other`s nakedness. "Shall we take a shower together?"_

_"We both had great workout today. Worked up a lot of sweat. I`ve never taken a shower with a boyfriend before."_

_"First time for everything," Orlando said as he licked and nibbled on Paul`s ear._

 

**The Present**

 

        Jesus closed the shade of the window in Daryl`s room to block out the hot afternoon sun. The sound of a small fan could be heard as the draft blew on Daryl as he sleepily lounged on the bed.

       "It`s interesting to me that they haven`t tried to come back for Denny. He did say there were others with him," Jesus said.

       "Maybe they don`t know he`s here." Daryl paused. "They won`t trade if they got our people."

       Jesus sat down in the chair beside the bed. "This must be hard for you since you know Denny." He looked at Daryl worriedly.

       "Not as hard as I thought it would be. No one could ever tell him what to do. He made a lot of stupid mistakes. That never changed."

       "When Rick comes we`ll get this resolved. We may have to kill him."

       "Yeah." Daryl became silent as he tried to contemplate the circumstances of their Savior prisoner.

       Jesus reached over and they clasped hands, their fingers entwining and stroking. "What else is on your mind?"

       "I could use a smoke."

       Jesus grinned. "I guess that means I get to rummage around in storage again." He laid is head on top of Daryl`s hand. Daryl reached over and ran his fingers through Jesus`s hair.

       "I think I`ve fallen in love with you, Paul." He paused blinking his eyes nervously. "I think I`ve had feelin`s for you for a long time."

       Jesus knew how hard it was for Daryl to say such things. "I`ve grown close to you, Daryl. Without really trying. It just happened."

       "You helpin` me, takin` care of me, means a lot. You got a kind generous heart."

       "I guess that`s what they call love."

       "Yeah. I have to let myself feel it."

       "Do you?" Jesus was looking deeply into Daryl`s eyes.

       Daryl nodded. "No use denyin` or foolin` ourselves no more." 

       Jesus leaned over and they kissed. "Nope."

       "I wanna know more about you. You mentioned a group home. What else did you do?"

       Jesus grinned. "Believe it or not, I worked in a circus with it`s own carnival. It`s where I got the nickname Jesus. Played him in a play until the hypocrite I worked for got arrested. The nickname just stuck." He got up and laid on the bed beside Daryl, who put his arm around him when he rested his head on Daryl`s shoulder. "I learned all about knives. I learned acrobatics, pick-pocketing, and the art of deception." 

       "Knowin` all that has kept you alive."

       "Yes, I`ve always managed to survive by just my wits." He paused. "What about you?"

       "I did nothin`. Just a nobody followin` Merle around." Daryl closed his eyes.

       "Do you miss your brother?"

       "The good things about him. Never got his shit together. Always findin` a way out with cocaine or meth." A faraway look came across his face. "I kinda lost myself, forgot who I was. Things changed when I got away from Merle."

       "He dumped his shit on you, almost burying you."

       "What are you, my shrink?"

       Jesus laughed. "The resident manager that replaced the bad one at the group home was a psychologist. We had a lot of talks." He nuzzled closer to Daryl. "Until now, I only just wanted sex with my boyfriends. Sometimes I wonder if this is a dream. Or maybe it`s destiny."

       Daryl emitted a dismissive laugh. "Destiny. Ridiculous bullshit."

       Jesus looked at him. "Ridiculous bullshit, huh?" He fluttered his eyelashes. "You are my destiny, Daryl Dixon."

       "Shit. Shut up." They kissed, then Daryl laid back on the pillow. "All this heat makes me sleepy."

       "Okay, so you don`t believe in destiny. Neither do I. I do, however, love you." He gave Daryl a quick kiss on the lips. "You go on and go to sleep. I`ll stay if you like."

       Daryl`s voice trailed away as he slowly drifted off to sleep. "Stay. Watch the flies buzz around."

 

_**2004** _

 

_The Octopus ride was going at full tilt to Patti Smith Group`s 'Because the Night' when Jesus walked by the booth containing the duck shooting gallery. Jesus. That`s what everybody now called him. Sometimes he would be called Paul, but that was rare these days. The heat from the Georgia sun still lingered in its oppressiveness as the lights of the rides and booths surrounded him in an almost surreal veil. That`s when he noticed two rednecks were standing in front of the booth, their backs to him. One wore a plain black leather vest and a cut-up tank top, the other wore a red and black plaid shirt with the sleeves cut off. Both had muscular arms that he immediately admired._

_"Alright," the one with the sleeveless shirt said. "I`ll shoot `em all. Get ya a damn teddy bear."_

_"Who needs a stuffed bear when I can get a truck slut? Now show`em your stuff, little brother."_

_Jesus watched as the one called 'little brother' took aim and shot down every duck that moved by on the wall. "Too damn easy." The booth`s  manager handed him a large stuffed bear. "Keep it. Shit." He spat on the ground and lit up a cigarette._

_"Let`s go find a card game or somethin`," the one in the vest said._

_The two men left the booth passing right by Jesus. A brief image of white wings and he found himself feeling like he was flying in the air in circles inside of a slow motion film as his eyes and the eyes of 'little brother' met and lingered briefly before they continued on their way. He shook his head as a strange feeling of jamais vu washed over him. It was then he realized how much he had been sweating from the humidity and attributed the strange images to how the music and the weather mixed together to affect the perceptions of his mind. He decided to continue in the direction he was going and stood on the doorstep of Jack Johnson`s trailer and knocked on the door._

_"Come in." When Jesus entered Jack was watching a bank of monitors on his closed circuit security system. "Jesus! What can I do for you?"_

_Jesus sat down and hesitated before he spoke. "This is difficult for me to say." He paused. "I think it`s time for me to go." Even though he had been at the circus for a long time, the other performers accepting him as one of their own, he still felt he didn`t belong. Some even believed the 'Jesus' thing had gone to his head, but he didn`t know how that exactly came about. He liked how he looked because that was how he expressed himself, proving to himself that he was now his own man._

_"You mean, leave the circus?"_

_Jesus nodded. "It`s been a great experience and I`ve learned a lot. Many things I maybe shouldn`t have learned." He laughed slightly. "I feel I need to move on."_

_"Are you unhappy? I know Isaac getting arrested wasn`t a good thing."_

_"Oh, I`ve put that behind me."_

_"I know you and Orlando had that God awful falling out."_

_Jesus really didn`t want to remember when he found out that Orlando had been cheating on him with three other men. The pain of that never went away. He was especially glad when the HIV test came out negative after the incident. The only thing he was grateful for was the act he and Orlando had put together mixing karate with acrobatics._

_"I need to do something different. I`m tired of traveling around. I think I want to stay put for a while."_

_Jack shut off his monitors. "I`m the first to admit this life ain`t easy. But you`re strong, you adapt well to new situations. We`ve always felt you belonged, another misfit for the tribe."_

_"That may be, but in a lot of ways I`ve felt like I didn`t belong. I`ve been sheltered here. I need to be in the world. I`m forever grateful for you giving me a job when I desperately needed one."_

_"Do you have money?"_

_"I`ve been saving all of these years. Never needed much except for necessities. "I`ll be alright."_

_"We`re going to miss you, Paul. Or is it Jesus these days?" Jack asked grinning._

_"Doesn`t matter. I answer to both."_

_*****_

_The circus had set up just outside of Fredericksburg, Virginia, a town just down Highway 95 from Washington D.C. It would be the last town before Jesus would take his leave. Ollie was talking to him in the RV that Isaac had occupied, but now had been Jesus`s home since Isaac`s incident with the prostitutes. He watched as Jesus packed a suitcase, tears running down his cheeks._

_"You`re not angry with any of us are you?" Ollie asked._

_"I`m not angry. I just need to move on." If anyone had been a steadfast friend it had been Ollie, who was often put down for the fact that he was a little person._

_"You don`t like us anymore, that`s it."_

_"Ollie. Stop it." Jesus looked directly at him._

_"I don`t want to see you go. You`re my bestest best friend in the whole world."_

_"Here. I got something for you." Jesus handed him a book. "It`s yours."_

_"This is your **Oliver Twist**. You love this book."_

_"It`s the one that was under my pillow when I felt this hand fumbling around. Remember that?" Jesus`s eyes laughed._

_"I thought you were hiding a gold coin or diamond ring." He opened the book and read the inscription. "'To Ollie with the namesake, from Paul.'  You haven`t gone by Paul for several years."_

_"That`s how you knew me when I first came here. A shy sixteen-year-old who knew nothing about the outside world. I`m getting close to thirty now. The outside world beckons."_

_"Be careful out there. People sometimes come here because they are hurting inside. All those stories you told me about your aunt and uncle and the group home. You`re still hurting, especially after what happened with Orlando." Ollie`s concern was genuine and Jesus always took his philosophical observations seriously._

_"You talk as if the world out there is an alien planet." He paused. "Maybe it is." Jesus shut his suitcase and latched it. "You know, I came here with not very much. I leave here with not very much, but I have a lot of good memories. I will always carry with me all that I  have learned and the few friendships I didn`t manage to screw up. You`re one of the few, Ollie."_

_They both hugged for a long time._

_"Goodbye, Paul. Good luck to you out there."_

_Jesus noticed an odd look on his face. "Ollie, what is it?"_

_"I don`t know. Remember when I told you I sometimes get these weird premonitions?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Sometimes I stand on a hill and I look at the distant horizon as the sun sets. There are times when I can see a storm coming and I feel a sense of foreboding. There`s a storm coming, Paul. It may not be here for a while, a few years maybe, but it is coming. Don`t get caught in the whirlwind, and if you are, be ready for it. Just be ready."_

_Jesus wrinkled his forehead. "You`re not making a lot of sense, Ollie."_

_"I know, but neither is this storm I see coming."_

_Jesus dug into his pocket and tossed Ollie a set of keys. "I talked to Jack. The RV is yours now." He picked up his suitcase and other bags and headed for the door giving Ollie one last wave._

_Ollie waved back allowing the tears to flow. "You`re going to make it through, Paul. I know you will," he whispered._

 

**_2009_ **

 

_Jesus had eventually found a job as an orderly working the graveyard shift at Sibley Hospital in Washington D.C. It was the best he could find considering he had little experience and had quit school, what there was of it, at an early age with no high school diploma. He was now at the nurse`s desk looking over the night`s tasks, barely listening to the gossiping nurses._

_"Her husband said she had a fever. She`s probably faking it again."_

_Jesus adjusted the coverings over his beard and hair. "Do you want me to look in on the new patient admitted last night?" he asked looking up._

_"Might as well. He seemed sicker today."_

_"There`s sure a lot of something going around," he heard the other nurse say as he left to go check on the older patients as well as the new one._

_The older patients were located on the next floor up. When the elevator opened the nurse`s assistant Zoey was standing there with the medicine cart. "Going up?" she asked._

_"As usual."_

_When he reached the new patient`s room it came as a surprise that he knew the man. It was Nevada, the knife thrower from his days at the circus. He knew the man had been a veteran of Korea and Jesus liked to listen to his stories when he was teaching him his skills with knives. As Jesus was checking the IV bag, Nevada stirred to life and opened his eyes. He rolled his head over. "I`ll be damned. It`s Paul Rovia."_

_"It`s me alright," Jesus said. "I`m surprised you recognize me in this get-up."_

_"Actually, I read your name-tag. I can never forget those eyes. Must be fate." He pointed to the drawer in the bed stand. "In that drawer is a wooden box. Would you get it for me?"  
_

_Jesus did so and saw that it was the box of knives Nevada had once given to him for safekeeping at the circus. It was about fifteen inches long, six inches wide, and six inches deep. "I remember this. You`ve kept it all of these years?"_

_"The nurse won`t let me have it here in the hospital."_

_Jesus wasn`t surprised by that. He had always admired them whenever Nevada would get them out. "You never told me how you acquired them."_

_Nevada smiled. "From an old Korean fella. I brought him some food and medical help while I was a soldier. He gave them to me in gratitude. Told me they were Japanese made. Go ahead. Open it."_

_Jesus set the box on the tray table and carefully opened it. "I`ve always remembered how beautiful these are." He took one out and examined it._

_"I`ve taken good care of them over the years. No rust, sharp as the day I got them. They`re my most prized possession." He paused. "I`d like you to have them, Paul."_

_Jesus was somewhat taken aback by the statement. "I`d be glad to keep them safe for you, but--."_

_"I`m not long for this world. Damn cancer. I want to know that they`re in good hands." He paused. "And take off all that get-up for a minute. I want to see if you still look like Jesus."  
_

_Jesus laughed. "That has never changed." He first took off his cap and undid his pony tail. He shook his head to fluff out his long silky hair. Then he removed the beard cover._

_"Good. At least if the real one doesn`t exist I can still say I saw Jesus."_

_Jesus grinned and redid his hair, putting the cap and covering back on. "Please, I`m trying not to put on airs."_

_Nevada seemed to slump. "Hell, I`m all wore out. I remember when I could do three shows a day." He looked directly at Jesus. "Maybe you`ll find good use for those someday." His voice faded and he closed his eyes and went back to sleep. Jesus left the room to put the knives in his locker._

_*****_

_"That was one weird meeting," Zoey said to Jesus the next day as they walked down the hall after leaving a long meeting with all the medical staff not on duty. "It scared me. People don`t come back to life do they? I just can`t kill someone."_

_Jesus put on his cap and beard cover. "You heard what was said. There`s no cognitive brain function. How could they really be alive?"_

_They stopped at the elevator and went up to the next floor in silence, both heading down the hallway to Nevada`s room. The duty nurse was standing by the bed taking his pulse. "Meeting over already?"_

_"Yeah, some weird stuff going on," Zoey said. "How is he?"_

_"He went downhill during the day and we`ve had to put him on life support. I`ll need someone here to sit with him and watch the monitors."_

_"I will," Jesus said, the sadness apparent in his voice._

_The nurse gave them some more instructions then left the room._

_"You knew Mr. Emerson didn`t you?" Zoey asked._

_"When I worked in the circus. He showed me all the tricks you can do with knives. He was an orphan, like me. His family was the circus. I think he`s a VA case."_

_Suddenly one of the alarms on the monitors went off. The nurse and a doctor hurried into the room and were immediately by his side. "He`s going down fast," the doctor said. Moments later the heart monitor flatlined. "He`s gone."_

_Jesus could only stand there as an overwhelming sense of sadness came over him, the feeling as if he had suddenly lost a brother._

_"I really liked Mr. Emerson. He told me some stories about circus life. I just don`t understand why no one would want to care for such a man," Zoey said coming up beside Jesus._

_"Look how the world is today, Zoey. If you don`t fit anyone`s definition of 'normal', you`re an outsider. You simply don`t belong." He wiped the tears out of his eyes. "Let`s get this equipment put away."_

_Zoey wheeled out a couple of the monitors as Jesus sorted the unused medical tools on the tray, preparing the used ones for sterilization. The long nose scissors had earlier been used to cut some bandages and they were in his hand when he thought he saw a movement beneath the sheet covering Nevada. Could it have been his imagination? Zoey came back into the room and she suddenly screamed when she saw Nevada sit up, the sheet falling down. He moved his head back and forth, his jaw going up and down, making a raspy growling noise. The nurse and doctor ran back into the room._

_"He`s still alive, doctor. You were wrong," Zoey said as she moved towards Nevada._

_"No, don`t," Jesus said and stepped in between her and the now reanimated corpse. He quickly plunged the long nose scissors into Nevada`s head. "Look at his eyes."_

_The doctor immediately examined the corpse. "It`s the new disease we talked about in the meeting. Quick thinking, orderly." He recovered the body. "We`re going to have to take epidemic precautions from now on."_

_*****_

_That following morning when Jesus returned to his small efficiency apartment he felt like he had been running a marathon all night. He couldn`t get out of his scrubs fast enough. It was then he remembered the knives Nevada had given him. After bringing them home he had placed the box in a dresser drawer and now the box was open and he was examining them. The velvet was loose on one side and he removed it only to find two leather belts with sheaths and leg straps. He removed the knives and slipped them in for a perfect fit. It was a legacy he would never forget. They would become his most cherished possession from that point on._

 

**_2010_ **

 

 _Jesus knew they were trouble the minute he saw the new group of survivors roll up to the gate of the community he had taken refuge in since escaping from the military encampment. When he saw how they just busted down the gate and came in shooting some on sight and taking others prisoner, he decided to hide until he could form a plan of escape. He watched as everything unfolded and even though he couldn`t hear everything, there were snatches of conversation he could understand._ _However, there was one person that attracted his attention the most and he instantly knew this was the one to watch out for. He wore a black leather jacket, jeans, and a red scarf tied around his neck. His weapon was a baseball bat with barbed wire wrapped around it._

_"They`ve got quite an arsenal," a tall man with a mustache reported._

_"Take everything they fucking have, Simon. We don`t need these fucking people. Have the place searched for any goddamn stragglers. This place is no fucking good to us," the man with the bat said.  
_

_Jesus watched as a man named Kiefer was dragged over and forced to kneel in front of the bat-wielding bully. "This one tried to run, Negan." So that`s what they called him. Negan._

_"Is that so?" Negan scrunched down on is haunches tapping the bat in front of him. "Little rats can`t run very fucking far in a rinky dinky place like this."_

_"Let me go," Kiefer said._

_"Nope, it just doesn`t fucking work out that way." Negan stood up. He loosened his shoulders and swung the bat around a bit. "Lucille is a bit out of practice. She`s been fucking thirsty lately." He pointed to all the others he had captured."I`m going to show you something super fucking fantastic. And it`s all for free." He grinned. "Watch closely now."_

_Jesus watched as Negan held the bat high and came down hard on Kiefer`s head. He closed his eyes but he couldn`t stop listening as the bat continued its squishing battering sound. He knew he had to get away. He heard footsteps coming towards him and decided that it was time to make a run for the trees and hopefully disappear into the woods. He checked to make sure his knives were secured and in an instant he sprinted across the grass._

_"Hey!" he heard someone shout and then there was the crack of a gun. Jesus felt a projectile hit him but it didn`t slow him down. He would have to worry about the injury later. He ran fast trying not to trip over anything until he was out of breath. He was so deep in the woods no one could find him, except a couple dead things. He easily dispatched them and sat down to examine the injury on his right side. He was bleeding but there was no bullet wound, only a graze, much to his relief. What wasn`t much to his relief was the fact that now he was lost._

_*****_

_Jesus had lost count of the days he had wandered around through the endless myriad of trees and shrubbery. The only food he could find were rodents and squirrels, which proved more difficult to get with just a knife. Fresh drinking water was scarce and he had nothing to boil it in anyway. Surviving in the wilderness was something he had not learned. His side hurt where he bullet grazed him and it still bled slightly. Then he saw something he wasn`t sure if it was a mirage or real. It looked like what was called a 'widow`s walk', which was a tower on top of very old historical houses. He adjusted his position to allow for the light and realized it was not a mirage. At least he would have shelter. There may even be someone there or supplies he thought to himself and decided to make for it._

_He knew he was going in the right direction when he came to a road and ahead of him he saw a tall wooden fence. So there were other survivors. Exhausted, starving, thirsty, in pain, and weakened from his condition he walked up to the gate. There were two sentries standing on platforms inside the fence one on each side of the gate. One of them pointed his gun at him._

_"Halt."_

_"Could you help me? Please?" Jesus said. "I`ve been wandering in the woods for days. I`m hungry. Thirsty. I`m hurt."_

_"Are you alone?"_

_"Yes.". Jesus panted feeling a faintness come over him. He collapsed to the ground unconscious._

_The other sentry scrambled down from his perch and the gate slowly opened._

_*****_

_When Jesus came around again he was lying in a hospital bed in a trailer. He watched as a man prepared an IV and turned around and hung it up on its hook. Jesus tried to sit up._

_"No, don`t try that now. Just rest. I`m Dr. Carson."_

_"Where am I?" Jesus asked._

_"You`re at a place called Hilltop Colony. You collapsed at the front gate. Freddie brought you in."_

_"Paul Rovia. Most of my friends used to call me Jesus. Some still do."_

_Dr. Carson laughed. "I can see why. You`re dehydrated and starving. I took care of that wound on your side. Just a couple stitches. You get it escaping from someone?"_

_"Yeah, the last place I was at."_

_The door opened and a balding bearded man in his late fifties or early sixties came in. "Ah, this is Gregory, the leader of Hilltop," Dr. Carson said._

_Gregory looked at Jesus somewhat distrustfully. "Where are you from?" he finally asked._

_"Nowhere really. I was staying in a small camp when it got attacked by a group of survivors," Jesus replied. He felt he needed to be cautious around Gregory. The man`s demeanor somehow showed he was frightened of what the world had become._

_"Where is this camp?"_

_"Far away from here beyond the trees."_

_"Can`t these questions wait, Gregory? He`s not in the best condition right now," Dr. Carson said._

_Gregory looked at him. "Who`s in charge around here again?" He faced Jesus. "You know anything about this group that attacked your camp?"_

_"Only that I`d never seen them before. I got the feeling they raided any encampments or settlements they came into contact with. You might be wary of them as well." Jesus hoped that by warning Gregory it would work in his favor._

_"Is that a threat? Maybe you`re in with this group," Gregory said suspiciously._

_Jesus sat up slightly. "I`m not. And if you have any sense you`d keep an eye out for them. They acted like they were on the hunt for whatever they needed. They may even come here someday."_

_"We`re pretty secure here. We can see for miles from the top floor of Barrington House." Gregory walked around the bed looking Jesus over. "We`ll set you straight then send you back on your way."_

_"To where?" Jesus asked. "I don`t have any place to go. I can`t go back to where I came from."_

_"We don`t take in strangers," Gregory said. "You`ll go. Tomorrow. We`ll even give you food and water for two days. How`s that sound, huh?" Gregory clapped his hands together once._

_"He`s too weak to move around. He needs a least four days," Dr. Carson said._

_"I won`t be any trouble," Jesus said. "In fact, I may be of help to you."_

_Gregory stood there thinking about it further. "I`ll mull it over a bit." Without another word he left._

_Jesus laid back on the pillow and sighed. Dr. Carson snorted his disgust. "I`ll talk to him."_

_"I`d appreciate that. Do you have my knives?" Jesus hoped they hadn`t been confiscated._

_"They`re over here on the table, safe and sound. You good with them?"_

_"Oh yeah. And a lot more."_

_"About these people who attacked your camp. Were you serious when you said they might come here?"_

_Jesus nodded. "I don`t know when, it`s just a matter of time. And they mean business." The image of Negan bashing in Kiefer`s head flashed through his mind. "You may need me when that happens."_

 

**The Present**

 

       "I hope he doesn`t have it in mind to take off," Rick said.

       "He runs, I run faster," Jesus said as they stood outside the water tank as a guard opened the hatch.

       Rick laughed. "Won`t argue with that"

       "Daryl`s pretty conflicted about this whole mess," Jesus said.

       "I can understand how he would be. Maybe we can get this resolved, pleasantly--or not."

       Moments later Denny was hauled out of the tank, dirty and ragged from his ordeal, but still quite energetic and even angry. Rick and Jesus followed as the two guards escorted him inside the fence and closed the gate. Daryl with his crossbow on his back and Michonne with her katana waited just inside.

       "Uncle Daryl, I knew you would make them release me," Denny said.

      Daryl merely stared at him not saying a word. Rick went up to him.

       "I`m told you really don`t know anything about the other outposts or The Sanctuary or Negan`s whereabouts. Don`t know much at all, huh?" Rick asked.

       "Hey, I`m just a grunt. Nobody tells me anything." Denny always gave Rick attitude. Even though it was something he had been used to when he was still a sheriff, he still hated getting it.

       "Then why give us the impression that you did? So you can seem big to us?" Rick was now getting angry. "You know, all of that doesn`t make much difference because all Saviors are basically the same."

       "I`d like to join you. I`ve seen how nice it is here. Plenty of food, of water. Not a lot of fighting. No one tries to get one over the other for a piece of anything here."

       "I think you`d say anything to get out of here. You see, I believe you are nothing more than a dirty liar," Rick said, his gaze on Denny intense.

       Denny then sneered at him. "Okay. I lied. I had to. You were going to kill me right off."

       "What makes you think I won`t do it now?" Rick asked.

       Denny suddenly broke free of his guards and took off at a run. Even though he had been cooped up in a water tank, he ran fast and dodged behind one of the trailers when Jesus took a shot at him with his rifle.

       "Damn, I don`t shoot anymore or I`ll shoot a hole in a trailer," Jesus said. He slung off his rifle.

       "Michonne, you circle behind the trailers, see if he pops out of there somewhere," Rick said. "Daryl and I will cover the front."

       "Gotcha." Michonne ran behind the medical trailer being sure to take cover.

       "I`ll circle around the other side," Jesus said.

       Rick glanced over at Daryl. "You okay?"

       "I`m fine."

       Rick wasn`t sure if Daryl was hiding his real feelings or if he really was okay.

       "I`ll go check between the trailers," Rick said, his hand now resting on his Colt Python.

       Denny had gone up the steps of the second trailer from the back, glad to find the door unlocked. He made his way to the front where there was another door. He found himself in a room with a small bed, a sofa, dining table and chairs, and other sparse furnishings. On the table beside the bed he saw something wrapped in a cloth. When he unwrapped it he found the meanest looking knife he had ever seen. He now had a weapon. Denny heard the back side door open and quickly opened the door to the outside. He made sure no one was nearby. He waited and when the door opened again he surprised the person who came out.

       "Don`t move or I`ll slit your throat."

       Jesus realized what had just happened. He also recognized the knife. "Alright. Just take it easy. Nobody needs to get hurt."

       "We`re going to move away from the trailers. Slow and easy. I want everyone to see. Understand?"

      "Yes." Jesus knew it would be best for him to remain calm and not try anything as long as that particular knife was so close to his throat.

      They moved out into the open, Denny never taking the knife away from Jesus`s throat. When Daryl saw what was going on he quickly raised his crossbow.

      "Don`t, Uncle Daryl," Denny said.

      Daryl saw Jesus shake his head slightly. He lowered the crossbow. Michonne emerged from behind the trailers. Rick came out and noticed what was going on.

      "Let him go. You`re not helping your situation," Rick said.

      "Then let me go," Denny said.

      "Can`t do that," Daryl said. "Ya think killin' for killin`s sake makes you strong? It don`t."

      "That`s because I`m a Savior, Uncle Daryl. I`m Negan."

      Rick raised his Colt Python and pointed it at Denny. "Let him go. Now."

      "Or you`ll shoot? See how close this knife is to his throat? I can still slit it as I die."

      Daryl set his crossbow on the ground. He also tossed his knife and a handgun stuck in his belt beside it. He slowly approached Denny. "Come on, Denny. You can talk to me. I`m unarmed. Let him go. We`ll talk. Just like old times. We`ll talk about your mother."

       "You killed her!"

       "No. She was already dead when she got bit. You wouldn`t want her goin` around as a walker, right?" Daryl was now only a few feet away from him. "Give me the knife. We`ll talk."

       Denny was now taking several deep breaths and crying. "I wanted to be with her when all this happened."

       "I know."

       "She sent me away to be with him. I hated him."

       "I know that, too." Daryl extended out his hand. "The knife now. Come on."

       Denny slowly lowered the knife from Jesus`s throat. "I didn`t want to join them. Pa made me."

       "What happened to him?" Daryl asked.

       "He got an iron put to his face. Then Negan killed him. Bashed his head right in with Lucille. Now all I want to do is kill!" He started to raise the knife again. Before it could get near Jesus`s throat there was the sound of a gunshot. A bullet hole was now in the center of Denny`s head. As he fell to the ground Daryl looked over at Rick, the tip of his Colt Python still smoking.

       Rick glanced at Daryl and lowered the gun. "Sorry I had to do that, Daryl."

      "Nah. Don`t be sorry. He made his choice." He now stood beside Rick. "You had to make yours." Daryl looked up at Jesus and immediately ran to him. They threw their arms around each other and kissed hard on the lips.

      Rick and Michonne could only exchange surprised questioning looks.

                                                                       *****

After things had settled down the four of them were in Maggie`s office as Enid served everyone some coffee. Rick was staring at Daryl a somewhat bemused look on his face.

      "So, when were you going to tell me about it?" he simply asked.

      Daryl shrugged. "It just happened."

      Jesus started to laugh. "We weren`t intentionally keeping it a secret from anyone."

      "Kind of reminds me of someone else I know," Michonne said and hugged Rick.

      "You knew about this?" Rick asked Maggie.

      "Yeah, I kind of encouraged it. Me and Enid both," Maggie said quietly. She glanced at Enid. "I mean it`s no use denying some things when it`s right before your eyes."

      Michonne went over and kissed Daryl on the cheek, then Jesus. "Don`t listen to these clowns. I think you have a beautiful thing going."

      "Lot of people won`t believe it," Rick said.

      "We don`t care. They can think what they want," Daryl said. Jesus sat on the arm of the chair Daryl was sitting in and put his arm around him and kissed the top of his head.

      "I guess I echo what Michonne said. I guess it also means you`re going to spend a lot more time at Hilltop," Rick said.

      "We`ll be out and about," Jesus said. "The doctor comes and sees him tomorrow. I hope she has some good news."

      Maggie picked up the knife that was on her desk. "What do you think we should do with this? I hate this thing. Both of you could have been killed by it."

      Everyone looked at Daryl. "Give it to the blacksmith. Have it melted down. Destroyed," he said softly.

      "I know I don`t ever want to see it again," Jesus said.

      "That`s exactly what I`ll do," Maggie said.

                                                                       *****

       Water dripped from the trees above them as Daryl and Jesus slowly made their way through the dense grass towards where they heard the sound of a walker. It had just finished raining a few minutes ago so the path was somewhat muddy and slick causing their footing to be unstable on the already soft ground.

      "Isn`t there a slope around here someplace?" Jesus asked in a whisper. Daryl only shrugged.

      Ahead of them they could still hear the walker and as they closed in the sound suddenly changed to loud screaming and there was the noise as if something had fallen.

      "What the hell?" Daryl asked. He held out his arm in front of Jesus. "Listen."

      They stood silent for a few seconds. The sound of the walker could still be heard, but at a distance.

      "What`s happened to it?" Jesus asked.

      "I don`t know. Weird. Come on." Daryl took a few cautious steps forward. He felt himself going downhill so Jesus had been right about the slope being nearby. Suddenly he lost his footing and felt himself slipping at an even faster pace. Jesus reached over and tried to grab him and in the process lost his balance.

      "Oh, shit!" Jesus shouted as both of them found themselves sliding on their asses as the slope gave away. They slid until they hit the bottom splashing right into a mud hole. The walker stood up, mud and rotting grasses dripping from it, growling and reaching for them. Jesus quickly put a knife in its head. He then sat back down in the mud. They sat still for a bit as mud and water dripped off of them. Jesus then began to laugh.

      Daryl also laughed as he shook the access mud from his crossbow. He kicked the dead walker. "Fuck this."

      "They say mud is a good beauty treatment," Jesus said.

      "We should be drop dead gorgeous then," Daryl quipped causing Jesus to double over in laughter.

      "Come on, Miss America, let`s get out of here and get cleaned up." Jesus helped Daryl to stand and they climbed out of the mud hole trying not to slip and slide back down into it.

                                                                       *****

       The light in Daryl`s room upstairs was dim when Jesus came in. He had just taken a shower so only wore his bathrobe. Daryl lay in bed his naked body spread out over the top of the sheet.

       "Better?" he asked.

       "Much. Both of us falling into that mud hole with a walker is not my idea of fun." Jesus took off his robe and slid in beside Daryl. "Still feeling good about your news yesterday?"

       "Oh yeah. No more stitches. No more bandage." They embraced and kissed.

       "So that means--."

       "My turn to be on top." Daryl reached over and shut off the light. There was some shifting around and moaning as they began to slide and rub against each other in the dark.

       "Fuck me, tiger," Jesus said as soon as they were both hard; rubbing, kissing, and necking until they both climaxed, both out of breath and holding each other tight for a moment. Daryl rolled off of him and they both were silent as they took a few minutes to catch their breath.

       "You know what I was thinking about when I was in that mud hole with the walker?" Jesus said turning his head to face Daryl. The dim light from the outside torches filtered in through the window. "I didn`t feel like I was in danger even for a moment."     

       "Not good to let your guard down even if it does seem easy."

       "It`s not that." He rolled over and put his arm over Daryl`s chest. "It was the thrill of it. I was actually thriving on the danger. It`s that way for you isn`t it?"

       Daryl thought about what Jesus had said and for a moment. "Yeah. You`re right."

       "I wanted to get back here as quick as I could and jump right into bed with you." Jesus laughed. "Killing walkers makes me horny, I guess."

       Daryl brought him closer and they kissed and necked. "I never thought of it like that. It is like an orgasm ain`t it?"

       They both snickered for several seconds. "And you shoot yours like an RPG," Jesus said.

       "Ka-blam! Thank you, ma`am!"

       Jesus burst into a fit of laughter while Daryl leaned on his arm and smiled slightly. Jesus then became thoughtful. "I had all of those years of nothing but pain. I thought growing up was hell."

       Daryl`s expression changed to one of reflective sadness. "Yeah. There were a lot of times I thought it could never get worse."

       "But it did with the coming of the walkers. It got worse and you and I finally feel like we belong somewhere." Jesus had never felt so satisfied with how his life was going at that moment.

       "Then we found each other," Daryl said softly.

       They looked into each other`s eyes for the longest time, pondering the profoundness of that statement.

       "Maybe we shouldn`t question it, Daryl. Just let it happen as it happens because this is what I want."

       "I want it, too, Paul." Daryl paused. "I was convinced I was sick for a long time. I kept it to myself, didn`t act on it as I grew older."

       "We can`t fight how we were born. Both of us got a lot of the wrong messages about a lot of things."

       "We got it right in the end." The revelation that now came into Daryl`s head was that Paul was the special person he had been looking for since Mingus had died, the special love he had tried to find but had always eluded him.

       Jesus nodded. "There is no doubt in my mind anymore. We got it right." He also knew that Daryl now held a special place in his heart, a place that no one could penetrate no matter how hard they tried.

       Their eyes looked deeply into each other`s as if longing to see the other`s soul. They exchanged several long kisses.

      "Want to go again?" Daryl asked.

      "What will Maggie say when she sees the sheets?"

      Daryl`s answer was a deep lustful kiss, his tongue going deep into Jesus`s throat, his hands stroking Jesus`s cock. Jesus moved his leg up to rub his thigh against Daryl`s cock.

      Out in the hallway Enid and Maggie were putting away clean linens. They looked at the closed door to Daryl`s room.

      "They`re in there together aren`t they?" Enid asked.

      Maggie nodded, then smiled. "It`s all the things they`ve been through that has brought them to this moment, Enid. The threads of yesterday`s tapestries have woven together, spun through pain and uncertainty, through doubt and loneliness." She paused. "It may not seem like much, but to some it means everything." She closed the door to the linen closet. "Come on, it`s time for bed. We have a big day tomorrow."

      They both headed to their rooms and after saying their goodnights, closed their doors.

      Daryl and Jesus rolled together on the bed as one, shedding all the pain, forgetting the scars. For in their world, tomorrow was a long way away or would never come at all. For a brief few moments they would leave the ghosts of yesteryear behind, creating a lasting bond that if it were swept away in an instant, they would never be alone again. The walls they had built around each other had now merged to form a fortress from which the enemies of their loved ones could not penetrate, whether those enemies came from within or from the frontier of the dead. Out of their pain came love, though love itself could be painful. Yet their pain also strengthened them, whether they realized it or not. It was their pain that kept them alive and would keep them alive when the dead encroached upon their doorstep.

                                                                       *****

      When Jesus had awakened the next morning he noticed that Daryl had already gotten up and had dressed. He found a single red rose next to him on Daryl`s side of the bed, so he hadn`t left early out of any kind of bad mood. His crossbow was still in the corner so Daryl hadn`t gone hunting. After Jesus got dressed and made himself presentable, he headed downstairs hoping to find Daryl in Maggie`s office or snacking on Enid`s cinnamon rolls in the kitchen. Not finding him in either place he wandered outside where the residents of Hilltop were going about their daily business. He saw Maggie standing beside one of the vegetable gardens giving instructions.

      "Have you seen Daryl this morning?" Jesus asked.

      "I saw him wandering around here earlier. I don`t think he left," she replied.

      "His crossbow is still in his room. He`d never go beyond the fences without it. I`ll look around some more." Jesus then headed over to his trailer and went inside. No sign of Daryl there, either.

      He decided to wander behind the trailers and head for the vehicle area behind Barrington House. Maybe he was helping Maisie with some engine tune-ups. Jesus started to turn in the direction of the back gate, then he noticed Daryl standing in the back corner. It was where the graves of Glenn and Abraham were located. Daryl was standing there silent, his arms folded, his head bowed down. Was he praying? Daryl had never come off as being the praying sort. He noticed Daryl reach up and wipe away some tears when he stood beside him.

      Both of them stood together for the longest time, not saying anything to each other. It was then Jesus noticed there were fresh bouquets of daisies placed on each grave. The sounds of a small flock of eastern meadowlarks filtered down to them from a nearby tree as if to sing a song of peace to the befallen. The morning dew glittered in diamond splendor as the sun slowly rose above the fence, shining through the strands of a sparkling spider web that was draped between the two markers.  The black and yellow garden spider stood in the center waiting for the unsuspecting flying insect to be caught in its web.

      Jesus sighed. "The dead may walk the Earth, but nature keeps going on and on as if nothing has happened at all."

      Daryl looked up but didn`t turn to look at him. "If only we could go on like nothin` has happened." He sniffed from the fact that he had been crying for quite some time.

      "What made you finally come back here?"

      "After we fell asleep, I had a dream about Abraham." Daryl knelt down in front of Abraham`s grave which was mostly grown over. He picked up a small stone that had been hidden in the grass then put it down again. "He asked me if any of my shit had been settled yet."

       Jesus chuckled. "Did you answer him?"

       Daryl nodded. "I said 'yeah'." He looked up at Jesus. "Some of it."

       Jesus squatted down beside him and put his arm around Daryl`s shoulders and hugged him. "I`m sure Abraham was glad to hear it."

       Daryl fell back into a sitting position and buried his face in his hands. "I screwed up, Paul. Real bad this time." He shook with sobs. He knew he would always be haunted by what happened with Glenn and Abraham.

       Jesus came over and sat down in front of him. "Hey. We both screwed up. Moping about it won`t bring them back." They didn`t see Maggie and Enid, both carrying bouquets of flowers watching and listening to them some distance away.

      "I miss them, Paul. I feel them gone as much as I felt Merle bein` gone."

       Jesus reached over and wiped away Daryl`s tears. "You took them to heart as much as they took you to heart. That`s why it hurts so much."

       "And Sasha?"

       "She may not be buried here and wasn`t here for very long, but she helped me believe that I had finally found a place to belong. I could go over and over in my mind about all the should-have-dones, I don`t think it would have changed a thing."

       A cool breeze blew through the grass causing the lacy spider web to sway slightly. The colorful spider moved its legs for a better grip, but didn`t fall.

       "I can`t blame it all on Negan," Daryl said.

       "Yes, you can," Maggie said startling them. She and Enid approached the graves and laid down their flowers. They sat down in the grass beside Jesus and Daryl. "Negan made a choice. We all made choices. We all knew there would be a price. I knew. Glenn, Abraham, and Sasha knew."

       "It`s the world as it is now," Enid said. "We`re all going to die someday. Some ways are better than others, I suppose."

       "When I was your age I had a boyfriend," Daryl said. "When he died it hurt so bad I wanted to die, too."

       "But you didn`t. What did you do?" Enid asked.

       Daryl traced the tattoo of Mingus`s name on his arm. "He`s right here with me. Always."

       "I`ve often wondered about that name," Maggie said.

       "Now he has me to put up with," Jesus said.

       "Yeah, I now need to put a tattoo of Jesus on my ass," Daryl said.

       There was a round of hard laughter from the other three.

       "I think both Glenn and Abraham are laughing with us on that one," Maggie said as she wiped away a tear. "Oh, how Glenn loved your teasing, Daryl." She paused. "And he`d love the fact that you have fallen in love. We knew, Daryl."

       "Knew? How?"

       "You know how observant Glenn could be. He said you stared at men a lot when you thought no one was looking."

       When Jesus heard that he started to laugh. "But I`m the first he leaped out of a truck for and chased around in a field."

       "Glenn thought that was funny, too, when Rick told him about it. 'It must be love', is what he said to me. And he was right."

       Daryl buried his face in his hands, slightly embarrassed.

       "Are you blushing?" Enid asked. "I`m gonna tell, Daryl Dixon is blushing."

       "Stop," Daryl said. He gave Enid a playful nudge.

       There was the buzz of a dragonfly and it lazily flew around the graves then right into the spider web. The spider was immediately on it, quickly biting it and wrapping it in silk, shaking some of the dew from the web.

       "Looks like that spider is the only thing getting things done around here," Maggie said getting up. "The cucumbers are starting to ripen and there`s plenty where that came from. Community meal is tonight. You guys got anything to bring? Other than wild cherries and squirrels?" Enid got up and stood beside her.

       Daryl got up. "I`ll bring us a deer. Saw a buck wanderin` around last night."

       Jesus got up. "I know where there`s weed we can smoke afterwards."

       "You have to dry it out first," Daryl said as the two of them walked off together.

       Maggie and Enid stood silent as they watched them walk off and take each other`s hand, happy at the fact that two very lonely people had finally found each other.

 

                                                    **8**                   **8                 8**

      

      

     

      

    

      

      

     

 

 

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